MEMRI reproduces excerpts from a show on Saudi Arabia’s IQRA TV Channel, featuring “streeters” where Saudis were asked how they felt about Jews. No. This is not another Ali G / Borat thing. This is real. When asked by the interviewer, who is not Ali G, if he would shake hands with a Jew, one person replied “No. Because the Jews are eternal enemies. The murderous Jews violate all agreements. I can’t shake hands with someone who I know is full of hatred towards me.” Another person was asked “If a Child Asks You Who ‘Who are the Jews,’ What Would You Answer?” He answered thus:

Allah’s wrath is upon them, as the Koran says. Allah’s wrath is upon them and they all stray from the path of righteousness. They are the filthiest people on the face of this earth because they care only about themselves – not the Christians, not the Muslims, nor any other religion.

The solution is clear, not only to me but to everyone. If only [the Muslims] declared Jihad, we would see who stays home. We have a few countries… There is one country with a population of over 60-70 million people. If we let them only march, with no weapons even, they would completely trample the Jews, they would turn them into rotten carcasses under their feet. There is another country that donated money, saying, ‘I am behind you, I’ll support you with weapons, just wage [ Jihad ].’

But the cowardice inside us, deep within our hearts, was instilled by the Arab leaders, may Allah forgive them. They breast-fed us with it from the day we were born to this very day it has grown with us.

The interviewer responded by asking “So what you’re saying is that we should throw the Jews down the well, so my country can be free? And we have a big party?” Kidding. He didn’t say that because of course, this is not a skit on the Ali G show. But like… chill dude. I just hate you, but I’m not in hate with you.

Sigh.

Good move smarty pants!

According to the University of Pennsylvania’s National Annenberg Election Survey, viewers of Late Night with John Stewart scored 16% higher than people who did not watch late-night comedy, in a six-item political knowledge test about the current US presidential campaign.

The Annenberg survey found that people who watch The Daily Show are more interested in the presidential campaign, more educated, younger, and more liberal than the average American or than Leno or Letterman viewers. “However, these factors do not explain the difference in levels of campaign knowledge between people who watch The Daily Show and people who do not,” Young pointed out. “In fact, Daily Show viewers have higher campaign knowledge than national news viewers and newspaper readers — even when education, party identification, following politics, watching cable news, receiving campaign information online, age, and gender are taken into consideration.”

Go figure. And everyone assumed the Daily Show was for morons or something. Chag Sameach John Stewart!

… there aint any.

Yesterday in New York, the United Jewish Communities (UJC) issued a press release announcing that the 2004 General Assembly will be held in Cleveland on the 14-17 of November. Amongst the speakers expected to address this most august convention of Jewish leadership are Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, Josh Malina of the West Wing, James Carville, Israeli Olympic gold medalist Gal Fridman, CBS News correspondent Dan Raviv, and Shabtai Shavit, “former head of the Israeli Mossad” (as opposed to what? the Uruguayan Mossad?).

The theme of this year’s GA is “Imagine” as wonderfully demonstrated by the accompanying swanky art-deco graphic from the GA Web site. Presumably, it’s not a Lennonesque “Imagine” that is being referred to (Imagine no religion, it’s easy if you try…) but rather some other kind.

Imagine that the federation movement’s best days are ahead of us. Imagine a community inspired by big life-altering ideas; and then, thousands of volunteers and professionals motivated to work together to develop the applications and learn the skills that will move those ideas from the pulpit to the real world.

I might say you’re a dreamer, and I’m not the only one … I believe that the federations are in or are soon to be in a severe crisis. Their volunteers and leaders are getting older and older and a younger generation hasn’t been sufficiently trained, or does not give enough of a rat’s ass, to take their places. This isn’t news really – heck, even Big Daddy Steinhardt knows that. I’m not expecting innovation from our Federations – bureaucracies are typically really bad at that. But is it too much to ask that they show a little teensy bit of creativity? Some tiny measure of “Imagination?”

Accredited bloggers were part of both the DNC and the RNC. That sort of thing isn’t so innovative anymore. But dang, what a great opportunity to include a whole other constituency. How cool would it have been if the GA simply borrowed a tried and true idea and had a team of bloggers cover the annual convention? I mean, I don’t want to brag or anything, but in the month of September, this stupid little blog has had over 80,000 visitors. How many of you have been to your local federation’s Web site this month? Or ever? And Jewlicious isn’t even the busiest Jew blog by far. Can you imagine Dan Sieradski (Jewschool) waxing poetic on the state of contemporary Judaism while boogeying at the Young Leadership reception? How about Michael and Chris of Kosher Eucharist blogging despite a bad hangover at the Sunday morning Hillel University Student Program? Ariela Krevat of Urban Achiever bumpin’ booties at the Grinspoon-Steinhardt Reception? I dare not even imagine Luke Ford at the GA, though I’m sure that would be both interesting and fun. I can go on and on. You get the point.

So I think what we’re going to do is perhaps pass the plate around. Let’s see if anyone out there agrees with me. I can’t speak for any other bloggers but our laya is free around that time. And she swears far less often than I do. Anyone want to send her to the GA? Heh…. just contact us and we’ll figure it all out.

Jewschool reports:

Warning: mysql_connect(): Too many connections in /home/httpd/vhosts/jewschool.com/httpdocs/page.php on line 6
Unable to connect to SQL server!

Moby man, let me know if you need a hand or a more reliable server. This sort of thing is happening way too often and I’m tired of covering your ass – all kidding aside, get well soon!

UPDATE: Oh never mind, Jewschool is back.

There seems to have been a heck of a rumble at Jerusalem’s Church of the Holy Sepulchre, believed to be the site of both Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. Witnesses described a wild scene – “There was lots of hitting going on. Police were hit, monks were hit … there were people with bloodied faces…” The fight, which resulted in 12 injuries, had to be broken up by the riot police. The fight between Franciscans and Greek and Russian Orthodox clerics over an open doorway during a procession. Haaretz explains that

Custody of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher is shared by several denominations that jealously guard territory and responsibilities under a fragile deal hammered out over the last centuries. Any perceived encroachment on one group’s turf can lead to vicious feuds, sometimes lasting centuries.

Apparently, fistfights between clerics are not that uncommon at the Church. Mind you, it seemed pretty chill when I was there last June. No one bothered me and I was wearing a christ-killer shirt. Go figure, huh?

Phil Spector, indicted today for the murder of Lana Clarkson, said this outside the court afterwards: “The actions of the Hitler-like DA and his storm-trooper henchmen are reprehensible, unconscionable and despicable.”

Dumbass. If the DA was truly Hitler-like you’d be a lamp shade in Dusseldorf instead of free on $1 million bail, awating your trial on December 16.

Phil Spector, one of pop music’s legendary producers, is Jewish and should know better. This whole sad story is mitigated only by the fact that Spector’s Dad committed suicide when he Phil was just a child living in the Bronx. His often bizarre behavior through the years demonstrates that insanity is clearly hereditary.

Seriously. Do it now.

I’ve been working with birthright Israel trip provider IsraelExperts for a while now. The thing that saddens me the most is when people, eager to go to Israel, call hoping to sign up, but it’s too late. The staff try their best to accomodate, but there is only so much they can do. Consequently, if you are between the ages of 18-26, Jewish, and even just thinking of going to Israel, I strongly urge you to pick up the phone and call IsraelExperts, or whatever birthright israel trip provider you feel is appropriate, and sign up. You are under no obligation to go if you can’t make it or change your mind. However, if you register as early as possible, you significantly increase your chances of getting on the trip you want to go on, should you decide to go. So… all day today, operators will be standing by at 1-800-772-2452 – this is a toll free number that connects you directly to the office in Israel (9 am to 5 pm EST). You can even talk to Jewlicious blogger laya, if you ask, who is helping out on the phones this week. And if you don’t qualify, get a hold of someone who does and tell them to call. How fun!

It’s embarrassing when our clerics, err, rabbis start announcing fatwas. I mean, how are we supposed to criticize Iranian clerics for wanting Salman Rushdie murdered when our clerics, oops, I meant to say rabbis, start announcing pulsa denuras.

Pulsa denura? Pul sa de nu ra. You’re thinking Had Gadya, aren’t you? Well, it sounds like Aramaic, but quaint Passover song it ain’t. Nope, a pulsa denura is a ceremony putting a curse of death upon an individual, and it seems that a Jewish cle…rabbi is planning to place that curse upon Ariel Sharon.

That’s right! This rabbi, Yossi Dayan, a Kach movement member, apparently has read G-d’s mind and is confident that the Gaza pullout plan is not only bad for the Jews, it is blasphemous. What would G-d wish upon the perpetrator of the pullout? What else? Death. And soon — preferably before a Gaza pullout comes about.

We’ve seen this reel before. Around 1995 this very rabbi secretly held a pulsa denura ceremony cursing Yitzhak Rabin. Then, as now, certain rabbis were using the logic of the Din Rodef to justify their bloodlust. Then, as now, the issue of land outside the Green Line informed their nefarious plans. Yigal Amir justified his murder, of Rabin and our innocence, using Din Rodef.

Din Rodef, which seems to be the favorite phrase on the lips of certain West Bank and Gaza rabbis these days, dictates that if a person is out to kill you, you have the right — or is it obligation — to kill him first. I’m not going to argue that this works well if the person’s name is Haman. It works less well when the person’s name is Sharon.

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What would you do?

Dvora, the matchmaker from JMatch once told me about one of the lasting residual effects she continues to experience after having survived the holocaust. “When I walk down the street, I look at people and I ask myself about them ‘If they would have been there, what role would they have played? Would they have risked their lives to save us? Would they have stood idly by? Or would they have actively participated in the murder?” Most of the time, the answer is not very good.

Frankly her well founded pessimism is contagious. Even when I ask that question of myself, I’m not quite sure what the answer would be. Thus it is always heartening to read about a historical account of that period that inspires optimism, especially when it doesn’t involve the selfless acts of just one person, but of an entire nation.

Waterbrook Press has just released “King’s Ransom,” a work of historical fiction, which details the little known efforts of a large cross section of the Bulgarian population, as well as it’s King, Tsar Boris III, to save it’s entire population of 50,000 Jews from Nazi concentration camps. As a result of these efforts, not one Bulgarian Jew was deported.

So there you go Dvora, something to feel optimistic about.

American Jewish Music From the Milken Archive With Leonard Nimoy

Leonard Nimoy got a gig doing 13 two-hour episodes on WFMT Radio Network stations and XM Satellite Radio. During these episodes, Nimoy will boldly go into the Milken Archive of Jewish American Music and explore both sacred and secular Jewish music.

“I grew up speaking Yiddish at home in Boston and hearing this music during services at synagogue and at social events where my uncle and four cousins played klezmer music,” Nimoy said in a statement Friday. “This program and this music makes me feel very much at home.

The Milken Archive was created by Lowell Milken, chairman of the Milken Family Foundation, in 1990. The Milken Family Foundation itself was endowed by Lowell’s brother Michael, who was the Junk Bond King of Wall Street until he got busted for securities violations by the SEC in 1989. He pled guilty to to securities fraud after the government dropped the more serious charge of insider trading. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison (later reduced to 2 years plus 3 years probation) and fined $600 million. However, the bulk of his fortune has remained intact and he did his time only to co-found the Milken Family Foundation.

The Milken Family Foundation could hardly have chosen anyone better to discuss Jewish music. Nimoy is not just an actor, but an accomplished musical artist as well. I wonder if he will be playing any of his own music… he does a particularly awful inspired version of If I Had a Hammer… Also, by ALL MEANS, do not miss this classic video of Nimoy and a cohort of Spock eared babes performing the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins. Seriously. You gotta check it out. Just trust me on this ok? Have I ever let you down?

Walmart makes a business decision to stop selling The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Duh??

Am I missing something here or what? The story is that Walmart, after receiving a barrage of complaints, decided to stop selling The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion on their Web site. The description of the book (now removed) read as follows:

If … The Protocols are genuine (which can never be proven conclusively), it might cause some of us to keep a wary eye on world affairs. We neither support nor deny its message. We simply make it available for those who wish a copy.

For those of you who are completely clueless, The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion is a well known forgery disseminated by the Czarist secret police about 100 years ago. Encyclopædia Britannica describes the Protocols as a “fraudulent document that served as a pretext and rationale for anti-Semitism in the early 20th century.” The Protocols inspired Hitler and continue to find a popular audience in Arab countries to this very day.

So I’ll give Walmart the benefit of the doubt and assume they simply f*cked up. I will also assume that they did not pen the idiotic description of the book. And so they got busted for it, that’s cool. No big deal. However, the decent thing to have done would have been to admit to their mistake and move on. Instead we get this lame ass, dry, corporate crap followed by no response to further questions, to wit:

Based on significant customer feedback regarding the book titled ‘The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion,’ we have made a business decision to remove this book … from our site at www.walmart.com.

This is the company that edits each and every CD and DVD that they sell so that all swear words and other objectionable content are removed. The message is, Tits and Ass, bad! Promoting blood libel and the notion of an international Jewish conspiracy whose aim is to achieve world domination… ehhhhh, only bad cuz some people complained. I never really liked Walmart and it’s preachy pro-family agenda that exists side by side with labor practices that impact negatively on its employees’ ability to raise a family… also hate their giant antiseptic superstores that have eviscerated untold smaller Mom and Pop operations across the land. But now, it’s personal. Thank you Yuppies of Zion for getting me all riled up so soon after Yom Kippur…

Check out these sweet, sweet shirts…

The ultimate Jewish apparel, right on time for, err… Yom Kippur. Shmatas.com. Whenever you buy a Jewlicious shirt, we get a piece of the action too! Anyhow, more details after the fast. Speaking of which, gmar chatimah tova! May you be inscribed in the book of life! And do have an easy fast.

People have sent me emails wishing me a ‘Happy Yom Kippur’ and I’m just not sure how to respond…

And why do we care?

Well Jewschool already covered baseball so we know that LA Dodger Shawn Green will miss one of the two games that he is scheduled to be playing on Yom Kippur, and he will play on the other game. Oh well… you’ll recall of course how Jewish pitcher Sandy Koufax skipped Game 1 of the 1965 World Series, attending Yom Kippur services in a St. Paul, Minn. synagogue. Hall of Famer Hank Greenberg of the Detroit Tigers also did not play on Yom Kippur during the 1934 pennant race. Both these incidents served to inspire generations of Jews. Now we are left with this half assed solution. I can honestly say that I am decidedly uninspired.

The LA Times talked to Hank Greenberg’s son Steve about his dad’s decision in 1934.

“He said one of the two or three most memorable moments in his career was when he walked into the temple on Yom Kippur and received a standing ovation,” the younger Greenberg said Thursday.

Steve Greenberg recalled that his father’s decision was heralded a year later in a poem by Edgar A. Guest that ended, “We shall miss him in the infield and shall miss him at the bat, but he’s true to his religion … and I honor him for that!”

Shawn Green missed his opportunity to make history. Long after his on-field exploits would have been forgotten, people would have still spoken about his decision, had it been different. But whatever, that’s his prerogative.

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To get away from the scary Hassid!

In what is easily one of the most bizarre of all Jewish rituals, you might be…errr…lucky enough to catch a kapparot ceremony before Yom Kippur.

What exactly is this? Well, according to The Oxford Dictionary of World Religions it is:

the practice of attaining atonement before the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, so that a more severe judgment will not be reached on that day. On the day before Yom Kippur a live fowl is taken (a cock for the man and a hen for the woman) and is swung by the neck around the person who says: “This is my atonement, this is in exchange for me, this is my substitute.” The fowl is then slaughtered and it, or its value, is then given to the poor, while its disemboweled interior is given to birds as a further act of charity.

Now, as a vegetarian, not to mention civilized human being, this sounds a little…strange and barbaric to me.

So I was happy to hear that I’m not alone. The Encyclopedia Judaica states that:

Jewish sages strongly opposed kapparot. Rabbi Solomon ben Abraham Aderet , one of the foremost Jewish scholars during the 13th century, considered it a heathen superstition. This opinion was shared by the Ramban (Nachmanides) and Rabbi Joseph Caro, who called it “a foolish custom” that Jews should avoid. They felt that it was a pagan custom that mistakenly made its way into Jewish practice, perhaps because when Jews lived among pagans this rite seemed like a korban (sacrifice) to some extent

However, the Kabbalists (led by mystics such as Rabbi Isaac Luria and Rabbi Isaiah Horowitz) perceived in this custom mystical significance which strongly appealed to many people. This greatly enhanced the popularity of the kapparot ritual down to the present day.

There always seemed to be something a little voodooesque about the ritual. And I could never quite stomach it anyway. Now at least, I have a back-up (who am I to argue with the Ramban, he’s like, the dude).

So this year I’m taking my chances, and not doing kapparot. I’ll just have to rest secure in the knowledge that whatever sins I did commit this year, tzaar baalei chayim, cruelty to animals, wasn’t one of them.

Just in case you were a little too good this year and can’t think of anything to repent for , worry no longer. If you have tonight free in Jerusalem, there’s still time to squeeze in one last hedonistic dance party before standing in front of your creator tomorrow. Make sure to say hi to DJ Shuki. Not because he’s any good or anything, but just because his name is DJ Shuki. Come on, say it with me people. DJ Shuki in da hizouse!

Driving for Jihad

In light of the recent terror attack near my old digs in French Hill, as well as the latest outrage at the settlement of Morag in Gaza, it might behoove us to contemplate the full extent of Israeli casualties occasioned by terror. To wit, a team of researchers from the Hebrew Universiy and Princeton have discovered that 3 days after a terrorist incident, there is a 35 percent rise in the traffic accident fatality rate in Israel. Furthermore, they found a 69% increase in the fatality rate after terror attacks in which more than nine people were killed. So Israelis who drive like assholes could be considered terrorist accomplices. Perhaps we ought to bulldoze the homes of those involved in fatal car crashes? OK, that might be a bit harsh, but you get the point. Given that more people die in Israel from fatal car accidents than from anything else pretty much, it might be a good idea for Israeli drivers to chill the f*ck out. Linking terror and motor vehicle fatalities might be a good way to at least get people thinking. If you’ve ever driven in Israel, you know what I mean.

Sorry to kill the birthright Buzz, but unfortunetly, we had another bombing.
A bus stop on French Hill in Jerusalem.
Details here
Read.

You know the routine – if you are between the ages of 18 and 26, Jewish, and have never been to Israel on an organized peer trip, then you can go this winter – for FREE! Today is the first day to register yourself for a free 10-day birthright israel trip if you want to go this winter. Availability has been severely curtailed so if you REALLY want to go you are strongly urged to get the process started ASAP.

Who should you choose as your trip provider? Well, if you’re in the US and want to go with a trip provider that insists on an open minded, unaffiliated, educational approach, then may we humbly urge you to consider IsraelExperts.com. Laya, Alli and I have all worked as madrichim (group leaders) for IsraelExperts (as has Ariella at urban/achiever and Jewschool) and can attest to their sterling reputation and fantastic results – the ideal combo of enlightenment and fun! So get going, register now or call IsraelExperts at 1-800-772-2452. That number will get you straight to their office in Israel, toll-free, and if you’re lucky you’ll speak to laya who is there on a temporary gig manning the phones. Go for it!

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach brings sycophancy to a new low

So Rabbi Boteach wrote a column that I read on Jewsweek called The U.S. of J: Is America the new chosen people? stating that Americans were the new Jews. Let me just quote a passage from his column:

In truth, the causes of anti-Americanism are much more profound than simple envy. In short, America is hated principally because under George W. Bush it has come to embrace a moral foreign policy aimed at fighting despots and deposing dictators, and these gallant efforts have made the rest of the world look selfish, self-absorbed, morally blind, and cowardly. We Americans are not hated because of our strength, but rather for the good purposes to which we have devoted that strength. Ironic, isn’t it? To be hated because you’re good. But welcome to the club. The Jews have been members for a long time.

Look, let’s put aside politics for a moment ok? Surely, regardless of whether you are right wing or left wing you do realize that American foreign policy, like that of any other country in the world, is based solely on self-interest? Moral Foreign policy? Please. It was always about the oil and finishing up what Daddy started. We all know that. And I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with that. If you feel that it’s in your county’s best interest, do whatever you feel is right – and doing what was “right” in this context has more often resulted in dancing with dictators (Saudi Arabia, China, pre-911 Iraq, Noriega, Pinochet, I could go on and on…) than it has in deposing them.

Boteach should stick with what he knows best, Kosher Sex and that sweet sweet heter on oral sex and leave political analysis to those less prone to sycophantcy. I also don’t appreciate his unfounded cracks against canucks.

**But were afraid to ask…

From Jewlicious’ gastronomy department somewhere in the south of France, a question: Ever see a bowl of tiny yellow squares next to the soup at your local kibbutz and think, “WTF?” Ever taste a few and wonder what the damn things were made of? As have I, as have I.

Well, wonder no more, Bubbeleh: Wheat flower, vegetable oil, salt, and various spices. Once you’ve recovered from the shock, tell a friend.

Stoopid complicated server thingy keeps faithful away from beloved blog

Blame it on Plesk, blame it on extraterrestrials, whatever… but beloved blog Jewschool as well as all associated blogs (i.e. Rushkoff and ariella’s funky thang etc. etc.) have been down since Sunday. Hipster Jews, trendy lefties, self haters and Jew geeks all over the world have been denied their regular fix. So, as a public service to our friends, we’ve decided to put up some Jewschool-esque posts to help fix your jones. This is us pretending to be Jewschool, got it? OK, here we go…

Beloved Intellectual Avnery schools us on Judaism
King David and King Solomon never existed! The first temple was teeny! Judaism is a construct of the Babylonian exile! The land of Israel is an idea, not an actual piece of land! Zionism was invented by Christians! Zionism has turned Judaism in to a tribal cult! Zionists will bring about the ruin of Judaism! Free Palestine – Yay! Think about that this Yom Kippur.

Tel Aviv? Hey, it’s just like New York to Madonna
Madonna gave a speech Sunday night in Tel Aviv, just chatting about stuff. She then made a comment, described by the Seattle Post Intelligencer as “jaw-droopingly stupid,” she said:

I was a bit hesitant to come here. … I realize now that it is no more dangerous to be here than it is to be in New York.

The Seattle pi replied:

Come again?!?!

Does she have any idea what it takes to keep Tel Aviv “safe”? And would she feel the same about New York if she knew that every teen in the country had to be drafted in order to keep it that way?

Screw you dipshit. Does that change the fact that Tel Aviv is still as safe if not decidedly safer than New York? Do you have any idea what it takes to keep New York safe? What a tool. Just stick to coffee and Tom Robbins novels asshole. Leave geopolitics to the pop stars, ok?

UPDATE: Sept. 23 – John Stewart tonight poked fun at Madonna for her comment and stated “We have got to get the f*ck out of New York!” Shut up John Stewart! Tel Aviv really is safe. Sheesh.

Ironic New T-Shirt for Jewish Hipsters
Whatwouldntjesusdo.com asks the question – in his masochistic drive to save souls from the clutches of eternal damnation, what wouldn’t Jesus do?? Pictured here, Jesus marries Brittny. See also Jesus has a threesome, Jesus comes out, Jesus votes Bush… basically, anything to save your souls. What wouldn’t that crazy mo’ fo’ do?? Werd. No. This t-shirt has nothing to do with the passion of the Christ.

Kitty Kelly Gives it to Bush, but good!
Drugs, sex, hos, murder, corruption, all that and more can be found in Kitty Kelly’s evisceration of the Bush clan in her new book The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty. But most importantly, it reveals how the Bush clan doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about Israel – Israeli interests are mere ruse used to justify wars aimed at acquiring oil reserves. What? Clubby wasps do not genuinely love Israel and Jews? I’m shocked. Shocked! So who you gonna vote for now, yo?

Jewish Settlers are very very bad
They want to like kill Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon! But wait a minute. Sharon’s a fascist asshole. Dude. I am like so confused right now? Let’s go get a chai tea man.

Especially when the real thing is SO exciting!

Hey, Today was really cool! Since Lizzy is Jewish and when Jewish People turn 13 they have BarMizfhas. I went to the the Church part of the Barmizfha and it was pretty Funny and Sad. My mom was crying becuase Lizzy’s mom was being sad and stuff like her speech and all to Lizzy.Once that was over thier was an after party all of Lizzy’s Friends were thier which were mostly all mine also! Wow Keaton looks Hott all dressed up in a Tie! The Dj at the Party was awsome, he had all the music I needed to hear!! It really seemed like Lizzy just got Married it was so decertated and stuff! Very cool. The Dj Paired us up for Slow dancing and so Thank god he didn’t pick me first. The werst thing about it was when 30 Sec. were over the Boy Picks a Girl to Slow Dance With and Conner pikced me Gr..I wanted Keaton,Keaton was Heading my way but then he saw Conner already got me and then he just frowned at me .. I HATE CONNER!! He messed up my chance to get Keaton HAHA! I WISH!! Well then it was time to leave.! I was so Tired well Cya!!

Does Kelly get Keaton? Stay tuned to find out.

Madonna blah blah blah, Israel, Jerusalem, Tel Aviv,blah blah blah. Western Wall, blah blah, bodyguards, blah, blah, blah. Esther. Blah. Paparazzi. Blah, blah. When does it end oh lawd!

Pro-Palestinian protesters had planned to greet her with “Don’t Cry for Me, Palestina”. They mingled instead with fans gathered outside the David for last night’s gala finale of the five-day kabbala fest.

“I am very enthusiastic about Israel,” Madonna told one of the local participants at last night’s gala. “I thought that everyone here would be extreme and fighting. I love the country and the great spirituality it has.” Not a word to the Palestinians.

That was sweet. Ok. All is forgiven.

John Lennon’s whacky widow Yoko Ono, 71, recently announced that she will be awarding Mordechai Vanunu a $50,000 peace prize. The LennonOno prize, was founded in 2002 in John Lennon’s memory. “Vanunu was abducted by Israeli agents and convicted of treason in 1986 after discussing his work as a nuclear technician with the Sunday Times.”

Apparently, Ono fears for Vanunu’s life and feels that awarding him this prize will increase his profile and make him less of a target. Ono clearly does not realize that hardly anyone gives a rat’s ass about Vanunu in Israel. Ono expressed the hope that Vanunu would be able to pick up his award in person in New York. No word from Ono whether she’ll be wearing clothing for the ceremony.

In any case, given Vanunu’s recent violation of the conditions of his release, it is not likely he’s going anywhere soon. He conducted a 12 minute live phone-in at the International Human Rights Documentary Film Festival in Glasgow where he claimed that British, French, Italian, and US security services had co-operated in his 1986 kidnapping by the Mossad. The Italians have a security service?