Since he won’t post this, I will.

Everything you always wanted to know about this food of the god(s) – Bamba – and more…

Someone’s skipping class on Mount Scopus

Natalie Portman, despite rumors that due to her intense shyness, was not going to show up at the Oscars, did indeed make it! Nice dress. She’s up for a best supporting actress Oscar for her role in Closer. Let’s wish her luck.

Cate Blanchett in Aviator is the favorite to win, but ya never know, right? I hope someone’s taking notes for her while she’s gone.

Hopefully her little kanoodeling scene at the Kotel will not earn her divine wrath. At least she looks nice – hardly any jewelry except for a pair of tasteful diamond studs, and who can argue with that neckline? Just don’t try to wear that at the kotel Natalie.

Fellow Jewess Scarlett Johansen also looked fetching. Yes. She IS Jewish on her mother’s side.

Note: Natalie did indeed lose to Cate. Oh well. “It was an honor just to be nominated…”

Ernst Zundel. Don’t let the door smack your ass on the way out.

Canada to be Zundelrein

Holocaust denier, President of the International Hitler fan club, hate monger and convicted liar Ernst Zundel has finally given up all his legal avenues of appeal and is set to be deported by the Canadian government back to his native Germany. Federal Court of Canada Justice Pierre Blais declared Zundel a danger to Canadian security on friday and hours later Zundel received his deportation order from the Canada Border Services Agency. Barring any last minute shenanigans, Canada will finally be rid of Zundel on Tuesday.

Upon his arrival in Germany where he is wanted on an outstanding warrant for holocaust denial. Zundel will most probably be arrested immediately upon his arrival. He was fined and convicted for a similar offense a few years back and this time around he is likely to receive a substantial jail term.

Read the full story here and here.

Now What?

The notion that the Palestinians “Never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity” has become so cliched, we almost take it for granted. Tonight in Tel Aviv, a suicide bomber struck injuring as many as 28 30 33 38 40 50 people and killing 3 4 (so far). The explosion took place on the Herbert Samuel street promenade at around 11:30 p.m. near the Sage night club, a dumb karaoke joint. So now what?

Haaretz reports that the geniuses at Islamic Jihad have claimed responsibility for this cowardly and totally ill conceived attack. They further report that militants in the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades claim that Hezbollah was involved in suicide bombing as well. As of now there has been no response from Mahmoud Abbas, although ousted PA cabinet member Saeb Erekat condemned the Tel Aviv suicide bombing “in the strongest possible terms.” What else is new? Seems just like old times.

Speaking of old times, Soviet Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov announced that his country is considering the resumption of arms sales to the Palestinians. In what has got to be to stupidest and most ill-timed announcement ever, he stated:

The Palestinian leadership has proven its ability to keep the situation under control … It has also proven its ability to coordinate the activities of all Palestinian organizations, including those who hold tough positions toward the Israelis.

From now on, any similarly ill-timed statement will be described as Pulling a Lavrov.

Sabra and Shatilla; for most of us, the names of these Arab refugee camps in Beirut, Lebanon evoke images of controversy and confusion as the sites where Christian Phalange soldiers massacred over seven hundred civilians: men, women and children in September of 1982. Most people will associate this controversy with the question of whether Israeli troops controlling the area should have or even could have prevented these terrible events.

But for the men of the 202nd battalion of the Israeli paratroopers, including my older brother, these names and that time recall a very different memory. I only got the full story a few months later, when my brother and I managed to get together for Shabbat in our rented apartment in Jerusalem. Late Friday night, I awakened to strange, muffled sounds coming from his room, and discovered him, in the midst of a nightmare. The sounds of his cries were muffled because in the midst of his dream he had rolled off onto the floor, ‘hitting the dirt’ as it were, and taking ‘cover’ under the bed, so we sat up talking about it till dawn.

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Born in Morocco in 1929, Yamima Avital moved to Israel at the age of 20. What followed was fairly ordinary, university studies, marriage, widowhood in her mid-thirties. Yamima then started gaining a reputation as a heeler and a counsellor. In the late 80s she started an institute dedicated to teaching called Ma’ayan. Her influence crossed all boundaries and extended to both secular Israelis, entranced by her new agey groove, and Religious Israelis mesmerized by her spirituality. “In the memorial book printed a year after her death, rabbis who knew her – Sephardi and Ashkenazi, Bratslav and Chabad, religious Zionist and ultra-Orthodox – call her a tzaddeket: a righteous and holy woman, endowed with unique spiritual powers.” Yamima was recognized as the latest in a long line of Jewish female seers.

Damaging or not, in the new Israel, where the old religious-secular polarity has perhaps softened for a considerable swathe of the population, Yamima’s unique fusion of psychological and spiritual language, and the form of religiosity they imply, have struck a deep chord. During the first wave of return to Judaism in the 1970s and ’80s, the model of return was of a sudden conversion accompanied by rejection of one’s previous, secular identity (c.f. Uri Zohar). Returning to Judaism by studying Yamima seems to be a far more gradual process. With her emphasis on relationships rather than prohibitions, personal growth as opposed to sin, and emotions rather than theology, Yamima’s text speaks to a post-ideological Israel, but one that is hankering as never before for psychological healing and spiritual illumination.

Read the full article in Haaretz. No, really. She’s no Madonna, but she is the real thing.

It seems Jerusalem house prices are soaring now that there’s relative calm. Prices have increased by over 20-25% in the past couple of months. Is that Arafat smiling from somewhere in Hades?

The demand for Jerusalem real estate has brought about a steep hike in prices throughout prime locations such as Rehavia, Mishkenot Sha’ananim, Talbiya, Yemin Moshe, Old Katamon, Baka and the German Colony.

Apartments here are being sold like hot cakes. According to market evaluator Levi Yitzhak, the time an asset spends on the market has dropped by 30 percent compared to last year.

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Thanks to Littlegreenfootballs for pointing out that CAMERA has just published an up to date and fairly comprehensive overview of the debate over whether Mohammend al-Dura’s killing (Mohammed, if he actually existed, was the 12 year old who was or wasn’t shot dead, but whose actual or faked death was captured in a heart-rending video distributed worldwide) was an actual killing or was staged. At this point, there is no question that some fishy things are going on with the reporting. However, if the views of those who think this was staged are correct, this is almost too incredible to believe. I’m positive there are still many people around the world whose negative perception of Israel and the IDF has been directly affected by this story.

Edit: The excellent monthly, The Atlantic, has also covered the Al Dura cover up now.

Birthright Blog
Esther D. Kustanowitz
The Jewish Week

It’s time for Jews ages 18-26 to claim a most Jewlicious birthright.

The free Israel trip program birthright israel is partnering with the sometimes irreverent and usually free-form Weblog Jewlicious to offer the first-ever Israel trip based on a blog.

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Kenny, who has a low opinion of Muffti’s plagiarism reporting, sent him a story saying:

This is the kind of story you would rewrite in your own words and post on jewlicious with a different pic

He’s right. Anyhow, a 10 day gay pride parade, called “Jerusalem World Pride 2005,” is scheduled for mid-August, which is uncomfortably close to the Israeli pull out from the territories. City officials, however, are considering cancelling the parade due to potential lack of security. In part, officials can’t promise in advance just how long the disengagement will take. Thus, there may be a shortage of security.

On account of all the encouragement to civil disobedience and tough words by settlers, the disengagement might require, well, a show of force. As such, nearly the entire 24,000 strong police field force will be assigned to the pullout. The rest will have the equally unenviable task of quelling protest elsewhere in the country. They certainly won’t have protecting the gay pride parade as a first priority.

Organizers expressed their faith that the parade would go off as scheduled. Hagai El-Ad (executive director of Jerusalem’s Gay and Lesbian Center) had the following bland message of hope:

Israelis and Palestinians are moving towards more peaceful times, we are confident that the world pride events will take place as planned this August in Jerusalem, and are working closely with the police towards this goal.

The first Jerusalem Pride Parade was held in 2002 and was the source of controversy. Ex-Mayor Ehud Olmert withheld funding for the event, and tried to convince organizers to join the Tel-Aviv pride parade. The supreme court later ordered the city to provide the 40,000$ NIS that they city gives to other such events. Not everyone was happy about this; Jerusalem being a rather conservative city. As we well know from former posts, spitting is a constant problem. Muffti hates to think of the flood of phlegm that may result from the parade actually occurring.

Hopefully the parade will go off with out a hitch. Tens of thousands are expected to attend the extravaganza. Otherwise, organizers may have to (ahem) swallow their pride and postpone the parade ’til adequate police presence can be provided.

Plagarized from Jpost

Rabbi Shlomo Aviner has urged settlers to offer no resistance when the Gaza withdrawal is implemented. Rabbi Aviner is the Rabbi of Beit El in the West Bank, and head of the Atarat Cohanim Yeshiva in the Muslim quarter of the Old City. In the past he has held hard line positions regarding refusenick members of the IDF who refuse to serve in the West Bank (shoot ‘em) and so his current concilliatory tone caught many by surprise.

On the day of the evacuation, we will get up and leave our homes without using force …

Of course, not everyone’s thrilled with Rabbi Avineri, but who cares.

Far Away.

Far away but enlightening.

Holy Toledo!

From the sky.

But it is very cool.

Blink

Yes, free will.

As everybody and their snitch knows, Israeli security services gather information from many sources including Palestinians who provide information of military and intelligence value about other Palestinians. In reality, these men are heroes, saving the lives of many Israelis as well as other Palestinians. They are perceived as traitors by other Palestinians and have been summarily executed on the streets (list was cut off in 2003 but there have been many more than those listed) .

So this week, a Palestinian court in the new era of Abbas’s PA has handed an accused “collaborator” a life sentence. The young man,

Sayyed Rasas, 24, of the Maghazi refugee camp, was found guilty by a PA military court of assisting Israel in the killing of wanted gunmen and of tipping off the IDF about the location of roadside bombs and a factory for manufacturing rockets.

The Palestinians were very pleased with the sentence and the court took great pride in noting that Rasas had confessed all of his alleged “crimes” of his own free will.

The court forgot to mention that since taking over in January, PA Chairman Abbas has

instructed the PA’s mufti to authorize the executions of another 47 criminals and “informants” who have been on the death row for the past few years.

Gotta love free will.

Well, the IDF could use a new battalion of psychiatrists because they’ve turned the world upside down. It seems that outgoing Chief of Staff Moshe Ya’alon has decided to offer IDF units participating in the evacuation of Gazan Israelis from Gaza “mental preparation.”

What this means is that the Israeli army, in its wisdom, is going to strengthen the mindset and harden the hearts of those soldiers assigned to what will be the challenging task of removing these Gazan Israelis (and their supporters who will make their way to Gaza in droves).

Shouldn’t they be targeting the Gazan Israelis for “mental preparation” instead? Why isn’t the IDF offering a similar service to the Gazan Israelis and particularly their children. If they start now, the “mental preparation” might work to Israel’s advantage by softening the blow to these poor people who are about to lose their homes and watch their children become traumatized (probably more by their own actions no less than what the army and police will have to do). There is no question that these people are already suffering and will suffer even more when they are evacuated. Some have lived in Gaza for 20 years and have their hearts and faith dedicated to the place from which they will now be torn. Give them “mental preparation” and stop worrying about the soldiers.

And why stop worrying about the soldiers? Well, Ya’alon has also decided that any soldiers who ignore or oppose the evacuation will be tried and punished. Any officers who do so will be removed from the IDF. That will definitely increase the stakes for many who might be considering joining forces with resisting settlers.

I’m afraid.

Very afraid.

I post things and ck lets me know that what I thought is interesting was actually ancient news and, well, ancient. This makes me feel…old. Tired. Uncool.

What’s worse, I like to visit Judapest, in part because they sometimes post interesting items that are unknown to me. But in one of my last posts that came through Judapest, I was told by the INTERNET GURU that not only was my topic ancient and therefore uncool, but that perhaps being in Hungary, the Judapestians (Judapests?) are, you know, a step or three behind the really cool folks in, uh, Montreal.

So it is with great, great fear – not only for myself, but for those poor Jewlicious Hungarians – that I introduce you to the Bar Mitzvah Disco. I especially recommend the gallery.

Hat tip to Judapest.

Muffti noticed today that calling things that aren’t anything like the holocaust a ‘holocaust’ may be just as bad as casually accusing someone of playing the ‘holocaust card’. Meir Har-Tzion, legendary warrior (Moshe Dayan compared him to Bar-Kochba in courage), founding member of Paratrooper Unit 101 and (former) chum of Arik Sharon, told Maariv that “Arik Sharon is crazy – the great fighter is running away. He has become a very dangerous man” and labelled the disengagement plan to a ‘holocaust’. And, in case you weren’t sure about how he really felt, he went on to say:

If a Palestinian state is established here it will be the beginning of the end for us…The Palestinians, in their territory will be unable to do anything besides terrorize us until we leave altogether. If, G-d forbid, this should occur [a PA state] it would be the beginning of the end.

At other points in the interview, Har-Tzion encouraged soldiers to refuse duty and accept jail time rather than uproot jews from the settlements. Har-Tzion has maintained a media silence for decades.

From: Arutz Sheva.

How much do I love The Onion?

MICHAEL MOORE HONORED WITH NEW BEN & JERRY’S FLAVOR

“We thought about calling it Cherry-heit 9-11, but we already have Cherry Garcia,” Heimert said. “Fahrenheit 31.1 was the next choice, but we didn’t think everyone would make the connection between the proper temperature for storing ice cream and the film that broke the theatrical documentary box-office record by seamlessly blending comedy with hard-hitting fact.”

“We also considered a name reminiscent of our popular Chubby Hubby flavor,” Heimert said. “But in the end, we decided The Waffle Truth would be more respectful to Moore’s achievements than a flavor called Hefty Lefty.”

“Other Ben & Jerry’s flavors slated for introduction in 2005 are Praline Kael, Noam ChompChompsky Crunch, Ché Guava, and Nelson Vanilla, an anti-apartheid flavor that consists of a dark-chocolate sorbet swirled in an equal amount of vanilla ice cream.”

What are we going to do? Some of those poor settlers are suffering from non-stop attacks on their character, their true intentions with respect to the pullout plan, their attacks on the current PM of Israel and his cabinet. Apparently it is only government plants from the shabak doing this. The settlers have done nothing wrong. They don’t deserve any of this.

Nope, when some stopped all traffic in the middle of the country, that was just exercising of free speech. When some hit soldiers and threw rocks at them, that was just a phys ed class gone awry. When they called Sharon a traitor, that wasn’t them, it was a government operative goading them. When their spokesperson said that their strategy was going to backfire, they didn’t let him embarrass himself any further and let him resign. When Sharon invited their leaders for discussions, they were very generous in spirit when they let the country know Sharon was pushing Israel to civil war.

Yup, those settlers are just fine.

And now we have another fine settler, Binyamin Regional Council head Pinhas Wallerstein, who is about to inform his constituents that they should do whatever it takes, including risking their lives, to prevent the pullout.

“Once they declare Gaza a closed military zone we will not clash with soldiers to get in, but we will certainly get there even if it means going through Palestinian cities while endangering our lives,” he adds. “If there is a need, we will not hesitate and we will lay our lives on the line to fight the evacuation.”

Claiming that the resistance to the disengagement would “significantly affect the future of the settlement movement and the State of Israel,” Wallerstein calls on opponents of the plan not to “shirk from their responsibility to exercise their civil and moral right to resist the destruction of the Zionist dream.”

Read all of it here, people.

edit for the self-righteous crowd: There are many settlers who will support the government’s actions in Gaza. They will do this out of their strong faith in Zionism, in a democratic Israel, in the process and authority of a freely elected government and despite their grave misgivings. I believe that the majority of the settlers belong to this camp and should be applauded and supported, even if we do it with tears in our eyes.

Salt and pepper shakers that is.

And here is a Jesus action figure depicting him when he was, er, Jewlicious.

And here is Moses. Eat your heart out Charleton Heston.

I recommend searching around on that site, cuz these people are funny.

Thanks, Judapest.

Arutz Sheva, citing an interview with Mahmoud Abbas (Abu Mazen) in Der Spiegel reported:

Abu Mazen also told Der Spiegel that the disengagement from Gaza would be met with Palestinian Authority residents throwing flowers at IDF soldiers, not rocks.

Hmm.. I wonder how that would look like. Now thanks to the power of Photoshop, we know.

I’m not holding my breath though. Thanks for the heads up laya. Get some rest now.

… saying “A state on scattered territories will not work.” In other news, residents of the Hawaiian Islands, Alaska and New York City have voted to cede from the union.

From Jewschool

I find I get fairly nervous at large social functions full of people I know. Particularly at the weddings of my friends. Maybe I suffer from a bit of nuptial induced social-anxiety disorder. Maybe it taps into my own fear of commitment combined with my slight indignation that my friends keep feeling the need to go off and get married (the nerve!)

I don’t know. In any case, for such situations I find the open bar to particularly helpful.

However, I consequently end up occasionally saying things that raise a few religious eyebrows.

Case in point: Last night at my friend Sara Henna’s wedding I was schmoozing with some folks I hadn’t seen in a while, and somehow it became apropos to (somewhat proudly) mention the fun fact that if you Google Jewish boobs, Jewlicious is no. 1!

Translated through the filter of our mutual states of intoxication, I somehow, inadvertently, lead them to believe that Laya now works for a site called jewishboobies.com, or at least that’s new the rumor going around.

Oy. The shame.

Still could be worse, at least I’m not supposedly working for goyishaboobies.com. That would really be a shanda.

Still, Sara Henna was quite simply the cutest bride ever. She married this very endearing French/morrocan/Israeli dude. A week ago they still didnt have a place to live, so Hen, if you guys are staying in the old apartment with Simone and Rachael, is foreign film night still on this week?

Forbes just ran an article about Lawrence Summers’ comments and yes, it’s written by a right wing capitalist ideologue publication (the author is Dan Seligman whose name, at least, sounds Jewlicious), but heck, it’s got some fascinating info in it. For example:

1) A 2001 survey conducted by the National Science Foundation established that there were 285,500 individuals with Ph.D.s working as mathematicians, computer scientists, physical scientists and engineers, and only 11.5% of them were women.

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