The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with
“z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and ev! rivun vil find it ezi TU
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united ur op vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
Do we think this is funny? Someone forwarded it to me and I got a little giggle out of it. What does it have to do with Jewlicious? Um, The Holocaust?
andrew
4/3/2006
kidna sounds like everyone’s gonna turn into Inspector Clouseau at the EU. He was a Jew, right? or…just french?
Purim Hero
4/3/2006
anyone else find that they could still read it perfectly and quickly all the way through the 3rd year and into the 4th? Maybe they’re on to something? Anyway, funny non the less…
jessi
4/4/2006
On my poland trip (i think..)they gave us one just like this…but it ended up wit n zen zi izreli accents vil tayke ove zi vorld..or something like that
Aaron
4/4/2006
Ausgezeichnet! Sehr lustig!
yaaziel
4/4/2006
Here’s the Jewish angle: instead of using quasi-German/English, with its unpleasant associations of Col. Klink, why not Esperanto, invented by one Polish Jew, Zamenhoff.
Bonan Tagon!