Rena Strober’s one-woman show is back for one night only–January 17th–at the National Arts Club in Gramercy Park. She has a limited number of tickets available, so if you want to go, email her at rena@renastrober.com and tell her you read about it on Jewlicious.
Happy new year to all! And God Bless America!
When I first came across the acronym ‘JAP’, I couldn’t quite picture what it denoted. Something video recorder-technology related maybe? A cross-breed between ‘Japanese’ and ‘chap’ to refer to one’s chums from the country of the rising sun?
Some reading, a few third-party accounts and a few personal encounters later, I’d come to the conclusion that ‘JAP’ referred to something you’d decidedly not look for in Europe. The image that was forming in my mind was that of a somewhat pretentious, somewhat ignorant, somewhat uneducated, somewhat spoilt, somewhat ill-mannered, somewhat self-centred female adolescent or young adult with way too much time on her hands, with the best degree money could possibly buy in a field that nobody would ever expect one to work in, with too much credit on cards she’d neither ever had worked nor planned on working a day in her life for and that she would impatiently wave about at checkout counters, with a voice that would make others’ toenails curl up, with a standardized nose, with allegedly expensive tastes, and with so much straightening balm in her hair that it wouldn’t move by an inch even in a hurricane. Yet, in her own ways, she’d be loveable.
This is the desert near Arad, in the south of Israel.
This past week, over 20 rockets landed on Sderot and the Western Negev.
Shabbat shalom!!
(Image by Inbal and Nir)
Poor ck is already into the Sabbath and can’t say anything. Haha!
After finally getting my Wii and spending the past few days manically hooked on Wii Tennis and upping my all-time score to “professional,” I’ve decided that I now need to focus my energies on something a bit more tangible and likely to give equal amounts of attainable bliss: Shopping.
But…For those of you who know me, I hate shopping. I hate spending money. I hate crowds and I hate holidays that feed off of consumer greed and guilt. Now that the holiday season is officially over (well, the songs are off the radio anyways), and people are rushing back to stores to return and exchange gifts, I’ve decided to let a few days blow over, have some of the carte madness disperse a bit, and slowly get back out there and take advantage of some of these sales. In order to be successfully proactive in my shopping, I’ve decided to start with the essentials so as to eliminate all the unnecessary headache I usually attach to malls and people. Hopefully by me revealing the most common myths, you too can be enlightened and on your way to an even jollier 2008.
1) Myth # 1: Holiday season is over post-Christmas.
I lied in the previous paragraph when I said the holiday season was in fact officially over. If big name dept. stores like Kohl’s and Macy’s can be burning the midnight oil and opening at 6 AM the day after Christmas, you know there has to be an audience for this. Yeah and that audience would be the very same people that actually spend the day after Thanksgiving at strip malls, revving up on Starbucks lattes at 4 AM just to kick them out of that Tryptophan-state and anointing holiday-like status to a day of shopping. Canucks aside, who does that?
2) Myth # 2: Exhibit Kindness & Goodwill to Thy Neighbor
Ok, so this rule might apply to your literal neighbor, but don’t start getting all figurative on this one. If you see a Wii in Target or Best Buy, grab that puppy. Don’t do that polite thing when it comes to the things you want or you’ll never get anything in return – besides a lot of bitching and moaning when you come home empty-handed or realize you should have fought a little harder to stay in line to return that damn vase you have no use for but didn’t want to start rough-housing it with the old lady with the walker. Does she really need that walker is what you should really be asking yourself…
3) Myth # 3: People don’t like to Shop Online
Bullocks! Did you know that in England and Scotland, online sales pre-empted retail sales? Did you care?
4) Myth # 4: Giftcards are the Natural Remedy for a Fledgling Economy
Retailers are banking on giftcards pulling them out of this season’s sales slump? Yeah, good luck with that..
5) Myth # 5: Wii is Purely a State of Mii
And the most sought after product of the greed-fueled, consumer driven holiday season?
The Nintendo Wii was the most sought-after product, with the Transformers Ultimate Bumblebee a close second, according to Yahoo Shopping.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I got some Wii ass to cook.
Secure the endorsement of an Orthodox Jew…
That’s kind of, sort of what James (Jamie) Kirchick implied in a recent oped piece in the New York Daily News about Democratic Senator Joseph Lieberman’s endorsement of Republican Presidential candidate John McCain:
The Connecticut senator – who, besides his hawkish stance on foreign policy, continues to caucus with Democrats – has for several years now been a regular fixture on conservative talk radio. In 1998, he became a hero to the right wing for openly denouncing Bill Clinton’s misconduct. Just as Lieberman’s obvious comfort talking about religious faith irritates many on the left, it endears him to evangelical Christians, as does his campaign against violence and sex in movies and video games.
Why is this distinction – Lieberman’s appeal to conservatives more than independents – so important now? Because McCain has a famously rocky relationship with the Christian right. If he doesn’t start smoothing it out now, he cannot win the nomination. If, on the other hand, he does start to repair the rift, he can string together a broad Republican coalition and continue his improbable comeback.
Lieberman’s endorsement was meant to help McCain get more votes from independents, but in the long run, an improved stature with religious conservatives is going to be more productive. Frankly, the likelihood of a Republican being the next President seems very low to me. The whole Giuliani/McCain/Romney/Huckabee thing strikes me as uninteresting because none of them have a snowflake’s chance in hell of getting elected. But what is instructive is how this can be applied more broadly.
I’m just thinking out loud here… religious conservatives, Second Amendment, Orthodox Jews… Penelope! Get me Colt Firearms on line 1 and Matisyahu’s people on line 2. I have an idea…
[What, you've got a better way to say "Splitsville" in Hebrew?]
Rami Kleinstein, he of the beautiful melodies with surprisingly raunchy lyrics (”we’ll drop off the kids by your mother, and [expletive deleted] in the bathrooms at the theater”), and wife Rita, she of the shrill and enormous voice and actress in roles such as Eliza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady” and Roxie Hart in “Chicago,” are separated after 20 years of marriage and musical partnership that resulted in classic Israeli songs and many platinum and gold albums.
. . . and all others 
(The maker of this clip does not mean its content to be serious. A gracious curtsey goes to the folks at TheKnish.)
My son brought this to my attention. He thought it was a hoot.
Not busy this weekend in Israel and want to support a great cause?
For tickets and details: 077-2164436 or Fiona: 052-3801709
Whoever said we may not have fun despite stores being closed and all the snowstorms? Here are a few suggestions on things you can do while stuck and bored at home:
Learn Shakespeare quotations by heart for use in later work conversations and figure out what co-workers will be on the receiving end of the Bard’s wisdom.
Calculate what weekday your birthday would have been five hundred years ago.
Plan a trip to Britain as long as it’s not part of the Euro Zone yet.
Figure out your next Lego project.
Do online potty training.
Learn to talk like a ninja.
Take a general knowledge quiz.
Build your own Brooklyn Bridge.
If all of the above fail, go by my great-grandmother’s advice, “Take off your shoes and socks and play with your big toes.”
The NYT Weddings pages are filled with page after page of couples getting married by rabbis. The paper’s most-emailed articles are often on Jewish-related subjects. And the city in which the paper is based has maybe some Jews, not to mention non-Christians of other sects, and many of all atheistic bents. The Times is by no means a local paper, but its spiritual center is no more than a bagel’s throw away from Zabars.
So answer me this: What’s the point of today’s leading editorial? Cited in full to reveal full ridiculousness:
(more…)
Either that or the ubiquitous Christmas music I’ve been subjected to in the diasporah has seeped into my brain and turned me into a peace loving tree hugger. See, it’s like this. Harry sent me a text message about this bilingual, bicultural school in Israel attended by Arabs and Jews whose curriculum is based on peaceful coexistence. The school depends heavily on donations for it’s continued existence – that’s not a surprise. The twist is that there’s this “Giving Challenge” on Facebook with a daily $1000 prize for the cause with the most unique donors for that day. Just yesterday, a cause with 38 donors won the challenge Harry informs me. So since all the Christians will be doing their Christmas thing tomorrow, if we mobilize and make modest donations, maybe this school can win the cashola. I was so moved by the combination of a good cause and a good scam that I will make a modest donation tomorrow. Read all about the Gesher Al Hawadi school on Harry’s new recently redesigned blog – The View From Here 3.0. Or enjoy our witty repartee below:
So I was wandering around the Lower East Side, looking to see what kind of trouble I could get into when I ran into these mysterious, randomly placed Jewlicious Festival stickers! I had to document this affront to the aesthetic sensibilities of one of New York City’s up and coming neighborhoods (judging by all the JP Morgan execs on skateboards). This is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong like David Kelsey in Gold Lamé. Just sayin’ is all. See you at the Festival. Buy your tickets now.
Speaking of Gold Lamé, this year American Apparel is once again urging you to “Stop Your Kvetching.” Follow the link, take the stupid Jew quiz and pass or fail, you can get 20% off any online purchase over $75. That’s a little present just for the Jews. Sort of. Well at least I think so judging by the Hassid in the ad. Whatever. You don’t see fucking Abercrombie and Fitch doing stuff like that.
Have a froyliche Nittel Nacht! Seriously though, follow that link and find out how in some Jewish circles, religious Jews abstain from Torah study on X-Mas eve lest any good that comes of it be attributed to Jesus – and you know what ck thinks of Jesus… For those of you in New York, we’ll see you at Heebonism and if you don’t want me to punch you in the face, don’t go. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
The Palestinians may have proven themselves to be entirely incompetent when it comes to building a state, but they are the world’s best at propaganda. Here we have THE Santa being arrested by Judas types. If you are a Christian and your kids don’t receive any presents from Santa this Christmas, blame it on the Jews. Here is the ridiculously biased “reporting” accompanying this ridiculously biased “journalistic” photo:
An Israeli soldier tackles a Palestinian protester dressed as Santa Claus or Father Christmas during at a protest against Israel’s separation barrier in the village of Umm Salamunah near the biblical West Bank town of Bethlehem. Israeli guards beat five demonstrators during the protest on Friday, organisers said.
(AFP/Musa al-Shaer)
Obviously, there are no such problems in Southern Lebanon. As the photo below shows, Santa loves Arabs. He especially loves them if they are fundamentalist Islamists like Hizbullah who like to launch rockets at Israeli civilians. This is a Reuters photo (they also covered the Palestinian Santa above) taken in Southern Lebanon – Hizbullah’s home base.
December 25 update: Santa did arrive! No worries for the Jews this year.
For Jewish Students and Young Professionals
Feb. 29-March 2, 2008 | Long Beach, CA
Jewlicious Festival is a gathering of the Tribe, a celebration of Jewnity, an innovative conference, an inspiring Shabbat experience, an event unlike any other weekend in Jewish history. — Rabbi Yonah
Jewlicious Festival is a mind-expanding Jewish culture fun fest! — Tahli Miller, wife of Matisyahu and JF presenter.
Jewlicious Festival is 54 hours of programming, 500+ participants, 50+ colleges and universities, dozens of volunteers, 6000 cups of coffee, hundreds of challahs, famous Jewish musicians, hot Jewish writers, Henna artists, American Apparel t-shirts, acoustic jams, crazy games, sleepover, yoga and much much more.
Learn more: www.jewliciousfestivals.com or www.jewlicious.com
Tickets on sale now are early discount ticket prices that will expire on or around Jan. 31 and all include a free t-shirt.
$36 – Student Ticket – early discount, includes free t-shirt
$60 – General Ticket – early discount, includes free t-shirt
$180 – Sponsor Ticket – help Jewlicious Festival with sponsor level ticket, includes 2 t-shirts and extra concert tickets.
ck’s busy, Muffti’s busy, TheMiddle’s still around, and the rest is probably getting their party outfits ready for the Heebonism event (the one time I’m not going to NYC during my break *pout*). But I’ve promised ck to post more to (try to) fill the gap, so let’s see….
Alright, since I myself may not travel this time around, here are some travel news for you:
The day before yesterday, new states officially joined the Schengen Agreement states. What does this mean for travellers? Generally, if you travel within the Schengen states, you just need to apply for a visa for the country that is your main destination. If you’re a US or Canadian citizen, usually your regular passport will suffice to enter any of the Schengen states. Furthermore, there will be no ID controls anymore at borders between the old and the new Schengen states, air travel border control between those states is predicted to end in 2008. Note, in many European states adolescents and adults are expected to carry some form of ID (ID card or passport) on them all the time when outside their premises. Also, you may still be subject to customs searches, and certain items that are legal to obtain in one state are illegal to possess in other states.
The members of the Schengen Agreement currently are (countries set off in green are members of the Euro Zone): Austria, Belgium, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Latvia, Lithunia, Luxembourg, Malta (member of the Eurozone from 1 January 2008 on), the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, and Sweden. San Marino’s got an open border with Italy (prize question: where’s San Marino?), Monaco is treated as if it were a part of France, and Vatican City has got an open border with Italy. Switzerland and Liechtenstein have got a common open border, but neither is part of the Schengen states yet, so individual visa regulations apply. Andorra is not a Schengen state either, and while ID controls are still carried out on its borders, a valid visa to any Schengen will usually suffice to enter.
So, your mame’s been telling you that you may not go to Germany for Oktoberfest and binge drinking with your friends from yeshiva as the beer in Germany’s not kosher? Have I got good news for you!
Simcha is a new brand of kosher beer, but it’s neither produced in Israel nor the US, but in Saxony, a federal state of Germany. It’s a beer of the pils variety, with an alcoholic strength of 4.9%. More varieties of beer are to follow. The production is supervised by Rabbi Yitzhak Ehrenberg from Berlin.
So, you may go binge drinking in Germany (legal drinking age for beer, wine and champagne is 16 there) and even tell your mame you’ve been attending a simcha. All you need now is a more convincing alibi than “going upstate for the weekend” when you’re actually heading off to Atlantic City, but shhhhh, I won’t snitch.
(P.S.: I’d like to know who was expecting a different topic after first reading the headline…)
Many more Qassem rockets have fallen on Sderot and the Western Negev since last Friday, not to mention numerous mortar shells falling on those of these communities that are within range.
In Tel Aviv, viewed from Jaffa, things are more peaceful…
Shabbat shalom everybody!
(image source)
The Original by Meir Banai:
The, uh, cover version by Malkat Ha’Plakat:
(I’ve posted this video by Malkat Haplakat before)
I know this is traditionally themiddle’s bag, but when I come across a photo like this, it’s just Jewlicious enough to risk invading his territory…
This piece of ice was found by Judah Goldman, son of publicist extraordinaire Shira Dicker and her husband, noted journalism professor Ari Goldman. Shira writes:
My seventh grade son, Judah Goldman, found a chunk of ice AMAZINGLY SHAPED LIKE ISRAEL while playing during recess in the playground of his school –SAR Academy — in Riverdale. Here is the picture of the Israel-shaped ice chunk, with Judah in the center like an Arctic explorer. The school thought this was hysterical and took the attached picture, which was then posted as the Picture of the Week in their online newsletter — Chadashot. As Christmas approaches, it is good to know that it is not just Christians who see the likeness of Christ or the Virgin Mary on their refrigerators or in the snow. Jews also get signs from God.
Shira’s very proud of Judah, and writes two blogs: Bungalow Babe, and her newest, which she ghostwrites or something for her dog, Alfie the Pomeranian. Shira insists that “it is Alfie’s blog. In this morning’s post, Alfie decides he needs to get married to a fellow Pomeranian (marrying within the breed) and wants to create PDate for this purpose. He wants a dark-haired mate…just like his mistress.” Check out the action.
And Shabbat shalom!
1) From CNN:
If you turn to the Bible — Isaiah Chapter 35, Verse 8 — you will see a passage that in part says, “A highway shall be there, and a road, and it shall be called the Highway of Holiness.”
Now, is it possible that this “highway” mentioned in Chapter 35 is actually Interstate 35 that runs through six U.S. states, from southern Texas to northern Minnesota? Some Christians have faith that is indeed the case.
It was with that interesting belief in mind that we decided to head to Texas, the southernmost state in the I-35 corridor, to do a story about a prayer campaign called “Light the Highway.”
Churchgoers in all six states recently finished 35 days of praying alongside Interstate 35, but the prayers are still continuing.
Some of the faithful believe that in order to fulfill the prophecy of I-35 being the “holy” highway, it needs some intensive prayer first. So we watched as about 25 fervent and enthusiastic Christians prayed on the the interstate’s shoulder in Dallas.
They chanted loudly and vibrantly, making many people in the neighborhood wonder what was going on. They prayed that adult businesses along the corridor would “see the light” and perhaps close down.
2) From Jpost:
Israel’s identity as a Jewish state discriminates against non-Jews, the Holy Land’s top Roman Catholic clergyman said in a pre-Christmas address on Wednesday.
The Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem Michel Sabbah, centre, the top Roman Catholic clergy in the Holy Land.
Photo: AP [file]
“If there’s a state of one religion, other religions are naturally discriminated against,” Latin Patriarch Michel Sabbah told reporters at the annual press conference he holds in Jerusalem before the Christian holiday.In his address, which he read in Arabic and English, Sabbah said Israel should abandon its Jewish character in favor of a “political, normal state for Christians, Muslims and Jews.”
“This land cannot be exclusive for anyone,” he said.
With his statements Wednesday, Sabbah, a longtime advocate of the Palestinian cause, waded into a debate that has marred the fledgling peace negotiations between Israelis and Palestinians.
Israel has defined itself as the homeland of the Jewish people since it was established in 1948. The Palestinians, however, refuse to recognize Israel as a Jewish state, saying that would mean Palestinian refugees who lost their homes after Israel’s creation would not have the right to return.
Hmmn…guess he has never heard of the state known as the Vatican.
I haven’t blogged much the last couple of days because I’ve been at the Hillel International Professional Staff Conference in Washington DC. The plan was that I would join Long Beach Hillel Director Rachel Bookstein where we would network amongst the various Hillel staffers in attendance and encourage them to participate in the upcoming Jewlicious Festival (Feb. 29th-March 3rd – Long Beach). But one of the kids got strep and the Staff Conference began sans any Booksteins in attendance. So it’s been just me. Fun, fun, fun. Seriously.
I presented myself to Hillel Senior Communications Associate Danielle Freni and she pretty much allowed me to walk around and talk to people for a story or two on Jewlicious. She was earnest and friendly and even gave me a Hillel pen/compass! Met Hillel President Wayne Firestone. In this world he is a rock star, spoken of in hushed, reverential terms. He is the Cappo de Tutti Cappi, big Jew on campus and he and his staff sure know how to throw a party. We were in a food line together when he dropped a mini-quiche. Being conscientious he of course picked it up right away and put it aside. I told him “Wayne! Five second rule – you can legitimately eat that!” to which he replied “Yeah, but then you’ll just blog it.”
Did I tell you the dude is sharp or what?
Wayne Firestone hoisted aloft at what looks like his 2nd Bar Mitzvah. Mazel Tov Wayne! Today you are a man!
[Crossposted on JewishLiteraryReview.com.]
In her new novel, I think Naomi Ragen meant to echo the sentiments of Gustav Flaubert’s “Madame Bovary
And, no, that’s not a good thing.
Like “Desperate Housewives,” this book is supposed to be satire but it never quite achieves its goal.
Let me explain: satire can be difficult for a writer because you could end up putting out something that’s actually celebrated by the targets of your satire when they don’t realize they’re being made fun of.
Hence, “Desperate Housewives” and its legion of fans who empathize with the characters.
In “The Saturday Wife,” Naomi Ragen meant to poke fun at the overt materialism frequently found among certain Orthodox Jews. But, like a bad television show, this book’s characters are wooden and the plot is mostly predictable. Worst of all, some readers may not only identify with the materialism but they’ll find it a real hoot.
Unlike the popular ABC television program, the book contains lots of small digs at modern Orthodox life. Here is an excerpt from a scene where the lead character, Delilah Goldgrab (do you think her name gives away her defining quality?), begins to pray but, instead, Ragen diverts us to a not-so-thinly-veiled jab at a popular Orthodox book publisher:
“Please, God, I know I haven’t been behaving myself the way You’d want,” she whispered, then stopped. It sounded like she was talking to a school principal. She took a deep breath. “Dearest Father in Heaven,” she began. But it sounded so phony, so Holy Scroll Press, that religious publishing house that translated Hebrew prayers into unbearable English and published books professing to be compilations of standard Jewish laws but were actually modern reinventions so stringent and reactionary they made Maimonides look like a flaming liberal.
It’s not a matter of whether you agree or disagree with the sentiment. It’s they way Ragen delivers these types of observations as asides that cry out for attention (lest they be perceived as an afterthought) rather than embedding them seamlessly into the plot.
The book follows the travails of Delilah Goldgrab Levi as she grows up in Jewish New York and moves to a wealthy suburb in Connecticut. From the beginning, her priorities are out of whack. While in college, she gets a reputation after a brief affair with a Yeshiva bum. Soon afterwards she marries not out of love but out of a fear of winding up alone. Her husband, Chaim Levi, is a not-so-bright but very sincere young rabbi who stands to inherit his grandfather’s pulpit at an old synagogue in the Bronx.
Delilah is unhappy almost from the start of her marriage. Their apartment is too small, the congregation is too old and she doesn’t like being a rebbetzin. She almost has an affair with another man but she runs out of his apartment at the last moment. Coincidentally, her husband’s grandfather is downstairs at a chiropractor’s office and sees Delilah running out. Lucky for her, the grandfather has a stroke and never recovers.
With grandpa dead, the congregation falls apart quickly. Many people leave and Chaim needs to find another job. At the urging of his wife, he takes a job at a very wealthy congregation in Connecticut that had been without a rabbi for several years after the last one was unceremoniously dumped by an ungrateful board. It was a scandal and Swallow Lake had been blacklisted among the rabbinate ever since. Chaim’s acceptance of the job makes him a pariah among his colleagues.
At first, Delilah thinks she’s died and gone to upper middle-class heaven but later she begins to crave the lifestyle of the ultra-wealthy in her midst. At the same time, she’s having trouble making friends with the other Swallow Lake housewives. Then she meets Joie Shammanov, the wife of the wealthiest, most powerful man in all of Swallow Lake, Viktor Shammanov.
The Shammanov’s are not members of the congregation but Delilah and her husband introduce them to members of the community and they soon become involved in Jewish life. The climax of the book is the bar mitzvah of little Anatoly Shammanov. It is the biggest, most expensive bar mitzvah celebration you can imagine, replete with rock star appearances, Los Angeles Lakers cheerleaders, acrobats and trained dolphins. Oh yeah, I forgot to add that all of the guests had to flown out to Maui to board the ship where all of this took place.
It’s at the end of the book that we learn things are not always as they appear. The Shammanov’s are, well, they are a sham. Viktor is wanted for fraud for selling shares of an oil company he didn’t own. The financial fall-out affects the whole community and the Levi’s are forced to leave after they’re blamed for introducing everyone to the Shammanov’s. As the old saying goes, the good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away.
There’s room to believe Delilah may have learned a lesson in all this. I don’t think she did but Ragen never says one way or the other. And that’s a shame because the book needed more of a resolution than the one provided.
I’ve never read anything else by Naomi Ragen but from what I’ve heard, she’s written better books in the past.
Here’s hoping she rebounds with something that’s actually worthy of a comparison to Madame Bovary.
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