I agree, infidelity is not the greatest coping behavior when there are problems. But I think it comes out in relationships that are troubled anyway. Yeah, it stinks that you have to be vigilant and constantly take the temperature of your relationship to avoid problems, and it would be nice if you could relax and just know that your partner was there for you. But paying attention is a good thing.

BTW, my “bootylicious” was tongue-in-cheek. I’m just normal.

This all started with my disdain for victims of infidelity “standing by their man”. It just enraged me. I find infidelity as the sin of all sins. Hope we can agree on that.

Alex, I’m fine, and I hear you about the weight thing. After I had my son I chunked up and I worked hard to slim down to my current bootylicousness. And when I see people in my own family complaining about health issues, I think, well, maybe you want to drop a few pounds to start before you think you’ve got some condition. And I’m not going to belabor this, but I think when it comes to people’s choices about the way they look, others should be neutral if they can’t be positive, but despising them is too far. While it may be because of sloth and that disgusts you, you can’t always know. In general, I don’t think hating on people for superficial reasons is a good thing (ved. anti-semitism). And anyway, it doesn’t affect you directly, so…who really cares what other people do, that’s what I say.

Even if we don’t see eye to eye, that’s ok.

some six pack packin heart-throb bartender

All that and straight?

Just kidding.

But there’s some truth to the line, “Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.” My experience with six-pack abs guys as lovers though was that they were pretty self-possessed, thus inattentive. I’ve come to prefer racoon-shaped men.

Thanks, that’s my name, don’t wear it out!

Giyoret,

Wow. Please lighten up. Sure, I’m coarse and overbearing, I can agree to that. But nastiness? Come on. I used to be fat when I was younger and with the exception of people with thyroid problems and other diseases, being overweight is a direct result of lack of personal responsibility; poor eating habits, inactivity, and general laziness. It’s mostly a choice and not something you are born with such as height and ugliness. So I’m hard on myself when I gain weight and I’m hard on my friends and family, those whom are overweight. Get up and do something we say, and you’ll thank me for it later. Some people like to be overweight, and I respect them for that as well. But please don’t give me the “I can’t help it” bit, as you certainly can if you want to.

I’m not embarrassed about being a former chubby-chaser. I’ve always been attracted to more veluptuous women, though my wife has a ballerina’s body thanks to her pilates regimen and good genes. I’m always trying to stay sexy for her and though I know she’d still love me the same, I think I owe it to her to keep a nice figure. Besides, I think it keeps the sex life more active that way. So when I said the only skeletons in my closet were some fat girls I messed around with (mind you, I didn’t say slept with, I was way too inexperienced at that time), in hindsight, I felt like I may have dropped below my “league” so to speak, and my goal has always been to reach beyond my league. Like Albert Brooks says in Defending Your Life, “My wife was too good looking for me, I always believe you should only jump up one league level, otherwise your doomed” or something to that effect.

Lastly, to your comment about women being more forgiving than men about looks, I completely agree. I could never admit this to myself when I was younger, but having dated for years and seeing various couples together, I think this has a lot to do with money and women’s priorities as compared to men’s. Men are visually guided and need to make impressions, with their cars, homes, and women primarily. When you have all three nice things, most guys have considered themselves as successful. Women on the other hand are more concerned with security and a fat guy who makes a lot of money and can protect them and their kids usually makes a better husband than some six pack packin heart-throb bartender. Of course, for casual sex, I’m sure most women would be lying if they said they’d go with the fat guy.

Anyway, for me, this conversation is all in fun and complete honesty, I don’t expect you to agree nor do I expect you to get offended. Sorry if you do/did, but that won’t change the things I believe.

Sashka!

The fact that you are embarassed about another person’s weight or behavior because you see it as a reflection on YOU is a very odd form of displacement. It really tells us more about you than them. And I know it doesn’t change anything, but women in general tend to be much more forgiving about men, and I really had to respond to your nastiness.

So Tom, did you get a load of the brother and her friends in various interviews? She kept such good company , aside from the governor! So shocking to hear of her drug addiction and abuse, when in the hierarchy of hookers she was clearly top shelf– so clean, so different.

And jersey is the other side of hte river, not the tracks.

My hatred and disdain is based on people’s behaviors and actions rather than their race, sex, sexual persuasion, creed, nationality, etc. I’m with Frank Zappa on this point:

“Look, just because you have got that fuckin’ thing between
your legs it doesn’t make any diference. If a girl does
something stupid I am going to call her just as I would a
guy.”

Hey, fat girls need love too.

I don’t. It’s called Karma. He misused his power to “go after people” he didn’t agree with or who criticized him. He put others in jail for doing the same thing he got caught doing. Anything short of jail time for Spitzer is injustice.

“but who among here isn’t guilty of a bad deed or two?”

Me. It’s called a conscience, which my parents instilled in me and I’m proud to say that I could never in a million years hurt the people closest to me like that. Please feel free to dig into my past and the worst you’ll find is that I messed around with a couple of fat girls that I could never be proud of.

“That’s how we all are in our weakest and lowest points…”

Please do not include me with the general weak. It’s called personal responsibility and when you are at your weakest and lowest point or at your highest, it’s still you, and no one else making your decisions. I’m so tired of this “frailty of man” thing. This blaming your mistakes on others or inanimate objects like drugs, power, addiction, etc. Weak people are weak people. I feel no pity for them. Spizer can easily find Jesus and all his sins will be forgiven. That goes for rapists and murderers to. Me, I don’t have that luxury nor intend to use it.

“For most of us, seeing someone fall from a place we wished we were in is quite pleasing.”

I would never want to be a politician. With power comes responsibility and Spitzer only used power.