}

Hitler’s Jewish Threesome

Hey, even genocidal dictators have, you know, needs…
We all know the revulsion (to say the least) that Hitler felt for Jews. But apparently that revulsion didn’t extend to totally hot babes. In the mid thirties, Hedwig Kiesler was one of the hottest and most beautiful stars in European cinema. Her notoriety spread further when she appeared nude and in the throes of orgasm in the movie Symphonie der Liebe or Ecstasy, a Czechoslovak film made in Prague. Born of Jewish Austrian parents, she then married Friedrich Mandl, a Vienna-based arms manufacturer whose father was Jewish. Friedrich was a bit of a freak and a voracious businessman. He kept Hedwig locked up in his castle, and only let her out to attend business meetings where her mathematical prowess came in handy. Mandl also purchased every copy of Ecstasy that he could get his hands on. His possessiveness and insane jealousy however did not extend into business affairs. At one of his lavish parties attended by Adolf Hitler, Mandl desperately wanted to sell munitions to the German dictator. Hitler desperately needed these muntions as well and he also desperately wanted to get with Hedwig. So a bargain was struck and a drunken threesome took place with a less than enthusiastic Hedwig cementing the deal, so to speak. Hitler for his part ignored the fact that Hedwig was Jewish because she was just. That. Hot. Just goes to show that evil is evil and values and ideals are irrelevant when self interest and uh… horniness takes over. yeah, that Hitler. What a douche.

Hedwig eventually managed to escape the clutches of her horrible husband and made it to America where she changed her name to Heddy Lamarr and enjoyed a tremendously successful film career. Her math skills didn’t go to waste either and she also manged to invent a frequency hopping technique that was way ahead of its time – used to help torpedoes find their target, it eventually formed the basis of all wireless communication that we enjoy today.

After 5 marriages and some issues with kleptomania, Heddy passed away in 2000 and took her secret tryst with Hitler to the grave. However it has come back to light thanks to a new biography, titled What Almost Happened to Hedy Lamarr written by film critic Devra Hill. The book, scheduled to be released in September, details Lamarr’s sex life, including the aforementioned encounter with Hitler.

Um… barf?

Source: ContactMusic.com

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Founder of Jewlicious? Publisher? Man I hate titles. I coined the name Jewlicious and I slave over the site. I live in Jerusalem and I need to get some breakfast.
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27 Comments

  1. Grand Muffti

    8/25/2008 at 7:57 am

    Muffti hates to find himself defending Adolf, but seriously CK, you’ve never gotten with a girl you didn’t like but who was really hot? Be honest…

  2. Shmendrik

    8/25/2008 at 8:40 am

    Sorry, that doesn’t fit at all with historians’ view of Hitler’s sexuality. The man was a complete prude; the idea of him in a threesome with anyone, let alone 2 Jews, is very unlikely.

    But I’m sure it’s good publicity for Ms. Hill’s book.

  3. ck

    8/25/2008 at 9:16 am

    Muffti: I never got with a woman I thought was vermin… though there may have been one or two whose families i considered, you know, eliminating…

    I’M KIDDING!!! Seriously, I’m not psychotic at all. Really.

    I can’t believe you just compared me to Hitler. Sheesh.

  4. ck

    8/25/2008 at 9:18 am

    Shmendrik: have you ever read the Rise and Fall of the 3rd Reich? Hitler was a complete froot loop sexually. Plus it was the 30s. Like Cartman’s Mom, he was Young and needed the munitions…

  5. Larry

    8/25/2008 at 9:50 am

    That’s HeDly… not Heddy Lamar…. hehe (reference to Blazing Saddles, ni which the threesome was with a horse and not Hitler)

  6. Larry

    8/25/2008 at 9:57 am

    Munitions? I thought he needed Musicians? Friedrich Mandl wanted to sell him musicians! The affair took place in Brotback near the Austrian Alps. Heddy then escaped to Hollywood, where she wrote a scathing script about the threesome, called Mandl-BrotBack Mountain, but censors of the time silenced the film.

  7. Ephraim

    8/25/2008 at 11:18 am

    Racists hate the guys and want to dominate the women of the hated group. That’s usually how it works.

    A lot of racism is based on a belief that the hated group poses a sexual threat to the supposed “purity” of one’s own group: either the racist secretly fears that the men of the hated group are sexually superior to him, and thus desired by his own women, or he sees the alien women as the agent of his sexual corrption. Or both. Yet “the Other” is exotic, unknown, mysterious, alluring. So a person wo is screwed up sexually is going to have a lot of trouble dealing with that desire.

    If everyone converted to the Church of Babelosity, things would be better.

    Still: yeah, barf.

  8. Tom Morrissey

    8/25/2008 at 12:33 pm

    Finally, the truth is out. If Jewish women had simply refused to sleep with Hitler, WWII would never have happened.

  9. Ephraim

    8/25/2008 at 12:42 pm

    You mean like if Irish women had refused to sleep with the English, they would never have invaded Ireland?

    Somehow, I don’t think that would have worked. I think you might have it backwards.

  10. froylein

    8/25/2008 at 12:56 pm

    I thought there was an unwritten rule never to discuss threesomes on this blog…

  11. Tom Morrissey

    8/25/2008 at 1:19 pm

    froylein can speak with authority to the issues raised here.

  12. curleegirlee

    8/25/2008 at 1:27 pm

    You learn something new everyday…and sometimes you learn things you really didn’t want to learn in the first place…

  13. froylein

    8/25/2008 at 1:31 pm

    Tom, I’ve been practising monogamy for nine years now. Anything beyond that is a matter of a long-gone past. 🙂

  14. Tom Morrissey

    8/25/2008 at 2:31 pm

    When it comes to the intersection of Jewish notables, German history, and threesomes, there’s no one I trust more than froylein.

  15. froylein

    8/25/2008 at 2:53 pm

    Well, Tom, there’s little account given of Hitler’s private affairs. He’s assumed to not actually have executed Röhm on allegations of planning a putsch but because of a homosexual encounter both had had, which Hitler was afraid could become public. It is known that he had a weird crush on his underage niece. It is known that he had an absurd kind of relationship with Eva Braun; possibly platonic, possibly not. Noteworthily, some of his closest confidantes and people he, at least in part, owes his “success” to, were women: his mother, women in the Munich high society serving as financial aids and ambassadors of his ideas into the upper class, Leni Riefenstahl, Magda Goebbels,… There are historians and contemporaries that claim that Hitler had been pathologically impotent, but I don’t know whether that impotence constituted in an absolute lack of sexual desire, the inability to get an erection, the inability to ejaculate or the inability to procreate.

  16. Tom Morrissey

    8/25/2008 at 2:57 pm

    Say what you will about him, but he was a good feminist, no doubt about it.

  17. Ephraim

    8/25/2008 at 3:05 pm

    I don’t know about anyone else, but all of this talk about Das kleine Obergefreite’s umm….,stuff is making me pretty queasy.

    Can we change the subject?

    Curse you, ck.

  18. froylein

    8/25/2008 at 3:13 pm

    Ephraim, I’ve got a few posts in the making, but am currently too exhausted to complete them (increased my work hours by about 40%), but I’ve never been able to impress ck with my taste in men anyway.

  19. yeahthatskosher

    8/25/2008 at 3:19 pm

    ck… your desire for sick Jewish knowledge never ceases to amaze me.

  20. ck

    8/25/2008 at 4:19 pm

    desire??? dude i just write about it… i don’t make it.

  21. Tom Morrissey

    8/25/2008 at 8:31 pm

    It’s this or the DNC, Ephraim.

  22. Cole Krawitz

    8/25/2008 at 8:57 pm

    We are talking about a woman who, as ck writes, was “locked up in his castle, and only let her out to attend business meetings where her mathematical prowess came in handy.” I’m not sure if that’s just dramatic flair on ck’s part, but I’m sensing it’s not. As such, I think it’s important to recognize that there is nothing clear about whether she actually *consented* — that’s a big f*ing deal. Very few people want to “reveal” when they’ve been put in coercive situations, even more so when it comes to sex.

  23. xisnotx

    8/26/2008 at 2:40 am

    CK, your source looks about as reliable as a supermarket tabloid.

    anyhow, this story reminded me of another bizarre tale in the Guardian recently:

    guardian.co.uk...

    check out the Jewish Hitler, towards the end of that article.

  24. yankel

    8/26/2008 at 4:57 pm

    Mufti; What man amongst us has ever turned down a woman that totally hot just because of something silly like not liking her?

  25. aaron

    8/28/2008 at 2:56 am

    Why are people so obsessed with connecting the Jewish-Hitler dots?

    Does digging up evidence that he rapped Yiddish with some homies in Hamburg make his madness any clearer?

  26. jj

    9/1/2008 at 2:50 am

    i like your raps. interest i guess? or perhaps to make him seem more human somehow?

  27. ck

    9/1/2008 at 3:34 am

    xisnotx: Yeah, I’m a little skeptical about the source – but still – it’s a source and the story is completely insane.

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