As great as it all was…

It wasn’ t Rabbi Yonah and Rachel Bookstein’s Instant Matchmaking, hot kosha buffet or the chocolate Fun-Jew.

It wasn’t the rad goodie bags from Modern Tribe and Jewcy.

It wasn’t the fabu Heebster shuk vendors, including Threaded Heritage, Dove Above, Rabbi’s Daughter’s, Hebrew School Drop-Out and more.

It wasn’t the on-site coverage from Lara Bearman and Jewish TV Network.

It wasn’t even 8th Day, the outrageously funny Smooth-E, the sneak preview of Cool Jew or headliner Moshav that made the night so right.

It was the more than 320 Yidden & Friends, including the fab duo Aron and Garron, who rocked the house and made Love Fest 2008 truly unforgettable!

We had a partial lunar eclipse tonight, and I’ve snapped a few pics with my little camera. Still sitting outside with my laptop to blog this as freshly as possible, toes freezing, ears freezing – risking certain death for our dear readership…

Think I’ve earned myself a croissant for breakfast?
Then please go, get me one.

…After Those Pictures Surface of Him in the Cone-Bra
Middle-aged Jewish lady with thick Queens accent flipping through People magazine: So, what do you think about this whole thing with Madonna?
90-year-old man sitting next to her: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna!
Man: Oh! The colored guy! Yeah, I don't think he'll win.

Jetblue Flight
Florida to New York

Overheard by: JoeQ
via Overheard Everywhere, Aug 15, 2008

Producer Jerry Wexler died at age 91. Admittedly, I wasn’t aware of his existence, but I was aware of the music he had produced.

Wexler earned his reputation as a music industry giant while a partner at Atlantic Records with another legendary music figure, the late Ahmet Ertegun. Atlantic provided an outlet for the groundbreaking work of African-American performers in the 1950s and 1960s. Later, it was a home to rock icons like Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones. He later helped Dylan win his first Grammy by producing his 1979 “Slow Train Coming” album.

Wexler helped boost the careers of both the “King of Soul,” Charles, and the “Queen of Soul,” Franklin. Wilson Pickett, Solomon Burke and Percy Sledge were among the other R&B greats who benefited from Wexler’s deft recording touch. He also produced Dusty Springfield’s classic “Dusty in Memphis,” considered a masterpiece of “blue-eyed” soul.

According to online biographies, Wexler was a MOT, so I think he definitely deserves some space here.

What is it about Hollywood?

They think they haven’t cast a good Jewish male since non-tribe members Charlton Heston played Moses (The 10 C’s) and Paul Newman played Ari ben Canaan (Exodus). Maybe it is the psyche of producers and directors in Hollywood who look in mirrors and see blue-eyed idols staring back?

Who did we get to feast on this Summer on the big screens? There was Adam Sandler, who put on sabra-face to play Dvir Zohan in “Don’t Mess With The Zohan;” we have James Franco as an insane drug dealer named Saul Silver in “Pineapple Express;” and we had Nickelodeon star, Josh Peck, as the horny, drug-dealing virgin, Luke Shapiro, in The Wackness (a Sundance favorite). Not the best role models for the tribe.

[caption id="attachment_4910" align="alignleft" width="80" caption="Wacked Pecker"][/caption]

But wait. Be still my heart. Do not lose hope, my Jewlicious friends. Hollywood might come through with a strong Jewish male lead. Quentin Tarantino will remake of ”The Inglorious Bastards.” And word is that Brad Pitt, the husband of that actress who used the French Jewish OB/GYN last month, might play that hillbilly Lieutenant, Aldo Raine, who organizes a team of Jewish American soldiers to avenge victims of the Holocaust. Actor Eli Roth, a specimen of the new virile Jewish American male (the Elliot Gould for a new generation) is said to be playing Sgt. Donnie Donowitz. Something to look forward to as Hollywood remakes the image of the American Jew?

When your people are besieged by a malevolent power? When you are denied basic staples and your people are starving and cannot even access proper health care? What do you do when you are in the midst of one of the greatest human rights disasters of the century and living in the most crowded place on earth?

Why build a 400 acre tourism, entertainment and movie production facility which will include “an amusement park, a zoo, hotels and an array of cafes and restaurants” of course. The facility, built atop the ruins of what was once the Ganei Tal settlement in Gaza is already being used to produce anti-Israel films for Hamas. Come for the propaganda, stay for the ribs!

Yay Palestine.

From Jpost. Just to warm you up, here is a nice photographic example of the co-operation. It’s nice to see muslims and Italians getting along.

It’s interesting to note as well that its not very clear Hezbollah sees this co-operation as especially ‘excellent’.

Muffti’s going to see the Dylan show c’est soir. A free shot for anyone who recognizes him!

Commander of the United Nations Interim Force in Lebanon (UNIFIL) Maj.-Gen. Claudio Graziano on Thursday accused Israel of violating UN Security Council Resolution 1701 that brought an end to the Second Lebanon War.
General Claudio Graziano from…

General Claudio Graziano from Italy, Commander of UNIFIL in south Lebanon.
Photo: Ariel Jerozolimski
Slideshow: Pictures of the week

During a press conference at the United Nations headquarters in New York, Graziano cited the IAF forays over Lebanon and the village of Ghajar, which he called “a permanent violation of 1701″ and “a permanent area under occupation.”

A further violation, according to Graziano, was Israel’s failure to provide maps of all the locations where it dropped cluster bombs during the 2006 war.

In contrast, he said that the UN enjoyed excellent cooperation with Hizbullah and with the local Lebanese people.

“At this moment Hizbullah is one of parties that agrees with 1701,” he stressed.

Graziano asserted that apart from UN troops, Lebanese soldiers and hunters, no one was armed south of the Litani River.

“We have seen hunters, we saw somebody moving with one weapon and he was arrested, but we never met anybody [else] moving with weapons,” he said.

He conceded that his soldiers were not trying to prevent weapons smuggling from Syria as demanded by the UNSC because the Lebanese government had not requested such action.

The UNIFIL commander emphasized that Israel had made numerous allegations regarding weaponry that UNIFIL was investigating.

Meet a Nefesh B’Nefesh New Immigrant

Danielle Sheldon, 19 and a resident of Los Angeles, is smart. A UCSD graduate who double majored with a BA in both International Studies and Middle Eastern Studies, she’s multilingual, and loves dancing and reading. Her future plans include graduate studies and after chatting with her for close to an hour, I am certain that Danielle can do whatever she sets her mind to. With her charm, wit and bubbly personality, Danielle’s options are virtually limitless. On August 18th, Danielle will join a plane load of North American immigrants headed to Israel to begin a new chapter in their lives.

Danielle’s move to Israel, where she plans on joining the IDF, getting an MA in Security and Counter Terrorism at Tel Aviv University and settling in Tel Aviv, seems to be the obvious culmination of a lifelong path. Her father, born in Israel, insisted on speaking Hebrew to Danielle and sending her to a Jewish Day School. Consequently, Danielle’s Hebrew language skills are pretty darn good (her Arabic’s not bad either!). She got further practice when she spent a summer semester at Tel Aviv University and leading a group of High School students on a trip to Israel. She’s a fan of Herzl, Jabotinsky and Ahad Ha’am’s poetry.

I know. That’s kind of whacky.

Danielle has also benefited from a broad coalition of supportive friends and family. While she doesn’t have very many relatives in Israel, her mother and stepfather are enrolling in Hebrew classes and looking to expand their computer related business to Israel so that they will have many opportunities to visit. Her friends are planning trips to Israel and one made her own boyfriend get a passport so that they could take a future trip together to visit Danielle. Nefesh B’Nefesh has also stepped up to the plate and offered advice, encouragement and financial assistance that Danielle described as nothing short of outstanding.

Needless to say, Danielle is psyched. We’ll talk to her some more on Monday but I for one am pleased as punch to see clearly talented and intelligent people with real choices choose to live in Israel – I am further pleased at the role played by Nefesh B’Nefesh in facilitating this process. Danielle’s no pie eyed idealist. She’s done her research, she knows making a life for herself will not be a cakewalk and yet? Here she comes! So if any of you have any questions you want me to ask Danielle, let me know.

Oh, just to nip it in the bud… yes boys. She is indeed single!

It’s the day of love. The Jewish day of love. You know, the one redacted by those Talmudic sages of yore.

Which means you can Bang It Out in New York City. Or you can Love Fest it in the City of Angels. Your choice.

Then again, you may just decide the Dead Sea is where it’s at.

*yawn*

You may:
- sunbathe topless on your own property or in the complete nude, but the latter only if nobody can see you.
- sunbathe topless on public beaches.
- be in the nude on nude beaches or at nude holiday resorts / camping sites.
- take pics of your children on the beach or in the tub if this clearly happens in all decency.
- display and view nipples and behinds on TV, in newspapers and on billboards.

You may not:
- completely expose yourself to unsuspecting strangers in person as well as through images.
- completely expose yourself to minors in person as well as through images.
- go streaking.
- (women) be topless at beach bars etc. unless it’s a clothing-optional place.
- enable minors to get hands on or watch pornography.

The aversion to public nudity, displays of affection and sexuality in the US that has found its extreme reflection in endless rules on tznius clothing and behaviour among Orthodox Jews is greatly influenced by Puritanism. Puritans in Europe would not have curtains in their windows so anybody could see they weren’t doing anything improper. Jokingly, people later assumed that this was so because Napoleon had levied a tax on curtains, but that is nothing but an urban legend. Judaism in Europe used to be pretty lax about nudity until it saw a need to cover up so not to provoke the increasingly prudish Christian environments, Protestant ascetics in particular. Nudes have always been a popular topic among Jewish artists, which in the early twentieth century CE resulted in the prejudice of Jews spreading pornography or being immoral. BTW, since I hear and read lots of incorrect assumptions about them, Catholic sexual morals are pretty much the same as Jewish ones and are even lenient on sexual intercourse during and after a woman’s period since it’s an expression of bonding in a relationship. So it may come as little surprise that particularly in those areas and cities were predominantly Jews and Catholics dwell, studies on sexuality frequently determine the highest rate of intercourse as well as the highest rate of people’s contentedness with their sex lives.

But we shouldn’t be bragging.

Watching the Olympics Opening Ceremony on Erev Olympics, my thoughts drifted from pondering why 16 year old gymnasts look younger than 14, to wondering why Israel and the USA have such different styles of Presidents. Just contrast the attached pictures. Here is President Bush, looking drunk and wild, and there is Peres, sitting calmly and wondering why the heck he has to walk back to his Beijing hotel and not take a ride in a sedan, and will they have nice food at Kehillat Beijing. There is President Bush, being offered an Olympic butt to spank, and there is Peres, writing a poem (see below) and exchanging diplomatic gifts.

Oy. Is it true? Are Jews and Israelis the perpetual “other?” hehe

A poem in the Bird’s Nest Stadium:
Birds of all feathers come and sing together/
A hymn of hope in an Olympic nest,
Forget your borders, ignore your cages and fly free/
Reject your different nightmares and have one dream/
The same dream: of glory, of harmony, of peace/
An equal dream for poor and rich, black and white
Win, don’t kill. Lose, don’t hate. Hope, don’t regret/
Go Home with an olive branch in your lips: together in harmony.
Breathing fresh air and singing for the newly born in the
cradles and the nests.

Lemme give ya’ll some background for thems unaffiliated and for the people who hit the recreational stuff a bit too much to remember the words from when you were kids. The words to this song were written in 1886 by Naphtali Herz Imber, an English poet originally from Bohemia. The melody was written by Samuel Cohen, an immigrant from Moldavia. But here Diwon & Dov tricked it out in the lab. Cohen actually based the melody on a musical theme found in Bedrich Smetana’s “Moldau.” But none of that matters because, like we said, Diwon & Dov tricked it out!

Download and listen by clickin http://tinyurl.com/hatikvah

Or listen to the track right now:

Lyrics Below:

“As long as the Jewish spirit is yearning deep in the heart,
With eyes turned toward the East, looking toward Zion,
Then our hope – the two-thousand-year-old hope – will not be lost:
To be a free people in our land,
The land of Zion and Jerusalem.”
a n d
“Kol ode balevav
P’nimah -
Nefesh Yehudi homiyah
Ulfa’atey mizrach kadimah
Ayin l’tzion tzofiyah.
Ode lo avdah tikvatenu
Hatikvah bat shnot alpayim:
L’hiyot am chofshi b’artzenu -
Eretz Tzion v’Yerushalayim.”

OH ALSO! THIS THURSDAY NIGHT FREE!
August 14th 2008
Diwon’s AMERICAN BANDSTAND
The Boogie Woogie Dance Party
with Diwon as Disc Jockey

@ Supreme Trading
213 N8th between Driggs and Roebling
Williamsburg, NY
9:30pm
Free
* RSVP on facebook here! or RSVP to rsvp@shemspeed.com

The headline pretty much is the gist of any conversation I’ve had abroad when people asked me something about Germany.

As per Chutzpah’s request, I’ll do a list of things that are stereotypically German, but unlike “You know you are German…”-lists, I’ll try to add a few aspects that are typical but not necessarily stereotypical of Germany and Germans.

As I started typing this, I realized this would turn into an extremely long post, so I’ll convert it into a mini-series instead, covering one topic at a time until the majority of commenters begs me to stop. I think you’ll quickly notice that about 90% of typical and stereotypical German habits are the same as typical and stereotypical Ashkenazic habits.

For a start: The Good China
I’m not talking about the most positive aspect of China here (namely refugee immigrants that have opened Chinese restaurants with all-you-can-eat buffets for around 7Euros; a lunch recommendation for travellers that don’t keep kosher), but about an aspect of everyday German life that particularly gets installed in girls so much that it’s not exactly surprising to see a guest flipping over a plate or cup to see what brand the china is. Now, I understand that in a society where most usually drink their coffee from paper cups, where coffee mugs are purchased at entertainment parks or greeting card stores as souvenirs or little trinkets, and where many eat most of their food off disposable plates or out of disposable containers, an obsession with china brands must seem somewhat absurd. But I promise, it’s all in good health. Really. We’re all good. No OCD. All good. All happy. All healthy.

Indeed, Germans don’t so much differentiate between milchige and fleishige chinaware, but between “everyday” china and “the good china”. Reasons to use “the good china” mostly are family-get-togethers or hosting guests; increasingly fewer families make it a point to use “the good china” on weekends or holidays though. Why? That’s because, no matter how dishwasher-proof “the good china” might be, the lady of the house will insist on the plates’ decor facing inevitable destruction inside a dishwasher. Once “the good china” gets replaced by “a better china”, thus gets downgraded to “everyday china”, no dishwasher in this world could do the decor any harm.

Beware though, “the good china” is not simply just a spare set of china used on special occasions. Sorry, but what were you thinking? You won’t find your set of “the good china” at supermarkets or, ack, a Swedish furniture chain (though I’ve heard that chain’s opened classy concept stores over here)! “The good china” is a status symbol. Hence only the crème de la crème of chinaware is eligible to consider itself good china, namely Rosenthal, Villeroy&Boch, Hutschenreuther, Goebel, Winterling, Arzberg, Lomonosov (tea sets only), Wedgewood, Meißen, Seltmann-Weiden…

Similar rules apply to kitchenware, flatware and towels.

A girl will be equipped with her set of good china by the time she gets into kindergarten lest she ends up in shame and without something proper to set her dining-room table with (using the good china on the kitchen table would be a profanity of sorts)! The flipside of that is that in many cases, the decor will have gone out of fashion by the time the little girl has grown into an adult, but one can be lucky like in my case: my china as well as me stem from 1979. Just as flares are making a definite comeback (and that’s flares, not bootcut – already got a pair of tomato red ones), so do decors, and my china now could be considered rather fashionable. Just that I don’t ever really use it.

 

I know there’s all kinds of chatter on the internets about Nefesh B’Nefesh’s First International Jewish Bloggers Conference (which, if you are a Jewish blogger you should register for) – but it seems that last Sunday in New York, we had our own First First International Jewish Bloggers Convention over at David Kelsey’s place at that other capital of the Jewish people – the Upper West Side of New York City.

Our Jewish Bloggers Convention, mindful of the concerns voiced by some bloggers and their print media cronies, was truly diverse and international in scope. From left to right we see Tanya from the Former Soviet Union who writes for Jewlicious.ru, our own Grand Muffti who is Canadian, Lori who is Persian, David Kelsey our American host and me – in all the way from Israel.

Some of the topics discussed by our panelists included “Taking JBlogging to the next level:
Increasing your readership, reach and influence – Poignant Prose vs. Pictures of Hot Babes,” “Developments in Social Marketing Techniques: I blog in the nude” and the very lively “Hey Lana, want another Arak Appletini?”

Tanya, Lori and I had been fasting all day for Tisha B’Av and so of course, while we had to endure ridicule from Muffti and Kelsey, we took comfort in the knowledge that we had allowed a diversity of opinion to flourish.

But in all seriousness… do read that Haaretz article about Nefesh B’Nefesh’s JBlogger Conference. It describes the Conference as “one-sided and agenda-driven” but fails to mention that for the most part, the blogger panels will be discussing issues related to blogging. Lisa from On The Face said that “I’m more interested in the complexities of Israeli life than in blogging about aliyah-related themes” – which is fair, while Shmaryah Rosenberg from Failed Messiah stated that “At first glance, the conference seems stacked in favor of Orthodox bloggers with right-wing political leanings.” Haaretz also took NBN to task for not contacting Rosenberg who as a finalist in the 2007 Jewish Israel Blog Awards ought to have been contacted for such an august gathering – along with the 437 other finalists in the JIB Awards…

I don’t understand the fuss. For me this Bloggers Convention is about meeting fellow bloggers and having fun for a few hours – like we did at our Bloggers Convention (despite David Kelsey’s kvetchy presence). So uh… stay tuned for more coming up as we introduce you to a couple prospective new immigrants…

There have been much anticipated publishing dates in the recent history of publishing. Bill Clinton’s memoirs commanded much attention. The final book of Harry Potter had kids camping out in line. The new tell-all book about Hans Solo and Chewbacka.

In just a few weeks, on September 1, Lisa Alcalay Klug’s Cool Jew is officially in stores. The book “decodes contemporary Judaism and its hippest forms of cultural and creative expression. Spanning 250 pages and nearly 400 images, it covers everything from identity, rituals, clothing and cuisine, to holidays, spirituality, diversity, and language.”

Cool Jew, in a little research we conducted the last two weekends, has brought people to hysterical fits of laughter. You can’t help yourself, because she is a such a keen and humorous observer. The book is also packed with helpful information about the coolest who, what and where in the Jewish world today. Its a book for all ages – for real.

Lisa will be offering a Sneak Preview of Cool Jew at our Love Fest Party, August 14, in LA. That’s right- you can buy Cool Jew and get it autographed before the big stores have it, before anynone else has it.

BTW Lisa is known to Jewlicious as the author of an amazing piece in the SF Chronicle, as the talented Shacharit/yoga teacher, an entertaining and interesting presenter, and most recently a member of the blog team.

For tickets to Love Fest visit Jconnectla.com

Thursday’s Democratic primary in the hotly contested Tennessee Ninth District saw anti-Semitism rear its ugly — and ineffective — head, resulting in a decisive victory for the Jewish candidate targeted by the smear tactics.

Rep. Nikki Tinker’s campaign was faltering close to the final days of the race, and, wanting to portray opponent Rep. Steve Cohen as a “religious outsider” in the community, ran a series of anti-Semitic advertisements in local media hoping to bolster her support in the majority-Black district, including one TV ad (not to detract from this one):

While Cohen visits “our churches, clapping his hands and tapping his feet,” the ad said, “he’s the only senator who thought our kids shouldn’t be allowed to pray in school” – a reference to a 1997 vote Cohen made as a state senator.

One particularly inflammatory print ad called Cohen the “opponent of Christ and Christianity” who “hates” its founder, and called on constituents to appoint “one Black Christian” to represent them in the House of Representatives.

Her anti-Semitic Jew-baiting would be to no avail — Ms. Tinker was defeated by a margin of 79-to-19 in the election.

Upon examining the merits of both candidates, Ms. Tinker’s decision becomes readily understandable.

Mr. Cohen has 24 years in the State Senate under his belt, his family has lived in the Memphis area for four generations, and fought for “twenty years” for the Tennessee Education Lottery Scholarship program, which, since 2004, has provided over $1 billion for Tennessee students to continue their educations. Ms. Tinker, on the other hand, is currently VP of Labor Relations for Northwest Airlink/Pinnacle Airlines, and a former campaign manager for Congressman Harold Ford, Jr.

Anti-Semitism is still alive and well in this country. It is particularly painful when I see such things coming from the black community — especially in the South — because things this divisive only, to me, serve to reflect an ignorance of history (as my grandmother told me, many Jews who could get into the “white entrances” of stores did so to benefit those of us who couldn’t) and are so counter-productive for the black community that one could ask a Nikki Tinker whose side she was on at the end of the day. For a Black person to connect a Jew to the KKK in campaign rhetoric detracts from the real KKK, the KKK who would like to see both communities expunged from America. One serves no one by abetting, through unnecessary division, the real racists who affect minority communities far more than their Jewish counterparts. (And while the New York Times is technically right, that this was a racially charged campaign, the references to Christ and Christianity let me know — Jews of all colors are unfit to represent this district in the mind of this campaign. A blanket equating of “anti-Semitism” with “racism” in this context equates “Jewish” with “white”, something I would hope the media would at least attempt to stop doing.)

Perhaps Ms. Tinker has learned a bit about unity and working together from this campaign. Maybe she should work together on campaign ads with now-infamous Alex Castellanos, and go back to being a campaign aide — on John McCain’s campaign. The Democratic party has no place for such divisive tactics.

Three weeks ago, on the fast day known as the 17th of Tammuz, I couldn’t help but think of Gilad Shalit, who is being held in captivity by enemies of the Jewish people and the State of Israel. Today, Tisha B’Av, the Ninth of Av, please join me in a campaign to focus our collective energy, thoughts and prayers on bringing about his freedom.

In your own way, whatever way that is, please put your mental and spiritual attention on bringing about his safe return–alive–to his family, his country and his people. When/if you fast, in addition to the traditions of the day, please also have in mind the safe return of a live and well Gilad Shalit.

The power of collective fast and prayer is believed to have saved the Jewish people from genocide during the time of Queen Esther. And redeeming the captive is one of our most compelling missions as a people and as brethren on this planet. Years ago, our collective efforts brought Natan Sharansky out of bondage. Together, we can redeem Gilad Shalit. Spread the word!

From Wikipedia:

Tisha B’Av (Hebrew: תשעה באב or ט׳ באב, “the Ninth of Av,”) is an annual fast day in Judaism, named for the ninth day (Tisha) of the month of Av in the Hebrew calendar. The fast commemorates the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem, which occurred about 656 years apart, but on the same date. Accordingly, the day has been called the “saddest day in Jewish history”.

Here’s the scene at the Kotel in Jerusalem tonight c/o Andy Ratto:

Aw. And here I am in Babylon. It sure doesn’t feel like TiSha B’Av even though I know that soon I will be hungry and thirsty and Kelsey’s going to make fun of me for clinging to archaic rituals. But whatever. At least he knows what Tisha B’Av is.

It is the custom of Jews around the world to recite the book of Lamentations upon nightfall of Tisha B’Av. it is read sitting on the ground, with candles, shrouds covering the Holy Ark instead of the usual paroches, or it stands bare. Tisha B’Av we mourn for not just the destruction of our Temples – but for the circumstances that that led to their destruction. For customs of when Shabbat and Tisha B Av merge into one another see below the break for comments by Rav Fischer of Young Israel of Irvine. (apologies for the archaic English – if someone has a link – post below)

Lamentations Chapter 1

א אֵיכָה יָשְׁבָה בָדָד, הָעִיר רַבָּתִי עָם–הָיְתָה, כְּאַלְמָנָה; רַבָּתִי בַגּוֹיִם, שָׂרָתִי בַּמְּדִינוֹת–הָיְתָה, לָמַס. {ס}	1Chapter 1 How doth the city sit solitary, that was full of people! How is she become as a widow! She that was great among the nations, and princess among the provinces, how is she become tributary! {S}
ב בָּכוֹ תִבְכֶּה בַּלַּיְלָה, וְדִמְעָתָהּ עַל לֶחֱיָהּ–אֵין-לָהּ מְנַחֵם, מִכָּל-אֹהֲבֶיהָ: כָּל-רֵעֶיהָ בָּגְדוּ בָהּ, הָיוּ לָהּ לְאֹיְבִים. {ס}	2 She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks; she hath none to comfort her among all her lovers; all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies. {S}
ג גָּלְתָה יְהוּדָה מֵעֹנִי, וּמֵרֹב עֲבֹדָה–הִיא יָשְׁבָה בַגּוֹיִם, לֹא מָצְאָה מָנוֹחַ; כָּל-רֹדְפֶיהָ הִשִּׂיגוּהָ, בֵּין הַמְּצָרִים. {ס}	3 Judah is gone into exile because of affliction, and because of great servitude; she dwelleth among the nations, she findeth no rest; all her pursuers overtook her within the straits. {S}
ד דַּרְכֵי צִיּוֹן אֲבֵלוֹת, מִבְּלִי בָּאֵי מוֹעֵד–כָּל-שְׁעָרֶיהָ שׁוֹמֵמִין, כֹּהֲנֶיהָ נֶאֱנָחִים; בְּתוּלֹתֶיהָ נּוּגוֹת, וְהִיא מַר-לָהּ. {ס}	4 The ways of Zion do mourn, because none come to the solemn assembly; all her gates are desolate, her priests sigh; her virgins are afflicted, and she herself is in bitterness. {S}
ה הָיוּ צָרֶיהָ לְרֹאשׁ אֹיְבֶיהָ שָׁלוּ, כִּי-יְהוָה הוֹגָהּ עַל רֹב-פְּשָׁעֶיהָ; עוֹלָלֶיהָ הָלְכוּ שְׁבִי, לִפְנֵי-צָר. {ס}	5 Her adversaries are become the head, her enemies are at ease; for the LORD hath afflicted her for the multitude of her transgressions; her young children are gone into captivity before the adversary. {S}
ו וַיֵּצֵא מן בת- (מִבַּת-) צִיּוֹן, כָּל-הֲדָרָהּ; הָיוּ שָׂרֶיהָ, כְּאַיָּלִים לֹא-מָצְאוּ מִרְעֶה, וַיֵּלְכוּ בְלֹא-כֹחַ, לִפְנֵי רוֹדֵף. {ס}	6 And gone is from the daughter of Zion all her splendour; her princes are become like harts that find no pasture, and they are gone without strength before the pursuer. {S}
ז זָכְרָה יְרוּשָׁלִַם, יְמֵי עָנְיָהּ וּמְרוּדֶיהָ–כֹּל מַחֲמֻדֶיהָ, אֲשֶׁר הָיוּ מִימֵי קֶדֶם; בִּנְפֹל עַמָּהּ בְּיַד-צָר, וְאֵין עוֹזֵר לָהּ–רָאוּהָ צָרִים, שָׂחֲקוּ עַל מִשְׁבַּתֶּהָ. {ס}	7 Jerusalem remembereth in the days of her affliction and of her anguish all her treasures that she had from the days of old; now that her people fall by the hand of the adversary, and none doth help her, the adversaries have seen her, they have mocked at her desolations. {S}
ח חֵטְא חָטְאָה יְרוּשָׁלִַם, עַל-כֵּן לְנִידָה הָיָתָה; כָּל-מְכַבְּדֶיהָ הִזִּילוּהָ כִּי-רָאוּ עֶרְוָתָהּ, גַּם-הִיא נֶאֶנְחָה וַתָּשָׁב אָחוֹר. {ס}	8 Jerusalem hath grievously sinned, therefore she is become as one unclean; all that honoured her despise her, because they have seen her nakedness; she herself also sigheth, and turneth backward. {S}
ט טֻמְאָתָהּ בְּשׁוּלֶיהָ, לֹא זָכְרָה אַחֲרִיתָהּ, וַתֵּרֶד פְּלָאִים, אֵין מְנַחֵם לָהּ; רְאֵה יְהוָה אֶת-עָנְיִי, כִּי הִגְדִּיל אוֹיֵב. {ס}	9 Her filthiness was in her skirts, she was not mindful of her end; therefore is she come down wonderfully, she hath no comforter. ‘Behold, O LORD, my affliction, for the enemy hath magnified himself.’ {S}
י יָדוֹ פָּרַשׂ צָר, עַל כָּל-מַחֲמַדֶּיהָ: כִּי-רָאֲתָה גוֹיִם, בָּאוּ מִקְדָּשָׁהּ–אֲשֶׁר צִוִּיתָה, לֹא-יָבֹאוּ בַקָּהָל לָךְ. {ס}	10 The adversary hath spread out his hand upon all her treasures; for she hath seen that the heathen are entered into her sanctuary, concerning whom Thou didst command that they should not enter into Thy congregation. {S}
יא כָּל-עַמָּהּ נֶאֱנָחִים מְבַקְּשִׁים לֶחֶם, נָתְנוּ מחמודיהם (מַחֲמַדֵּיהֶם) בְּאֹכֶל לְהָשִׁיב נָפֶשׁ; רְאֵה יְהוָה וְהַבִּיטָה, כִּי הָיִיתִי זוֹלֵלָה. {ס}	11 All her people sigh, they seek bread; they have given their pleasant things for food to refresh the soul. ‘See, O LORD, and behold, how abject I am become.’ {S}
יב לוֹא אֲלֵיכֶם, כָּל-עֹבְרֵי דֶרֶךְ–הַבִּיטוּ וּרְאוּ, אִם-יֵשׁ מַכְאוֹב כְּמַכְאֹבִי אֲשֶׁר עוֹלַל לִי: אֲשֶׁר הוֹגָה יְהוָה, בְּיוֹם חֲרוֹן אַפּוֹ. {ס}	12 ‘Let it not come unto you, all ye that pass by! Behold, and see if there be any pain like unto my pain, which is done unto me, wherewith the LORD hath afflicted me in the day of His fierce anger. {S}
יג מִמָּרוֹם שָׁלַח-אֵשׁ בְּעַצְמֹתַי, וַיִּרְדֶּנָּה; פָּרַשׂ רֶשֶׁת לְרַגְלַי, הֱשִׁיבַנִי אָחוֹר–נְתָנַנִי שֹׁמֵמָה, כָּל-הַיּוֹם דָּוָה. {ס}	13 From on high hath He sent fire into my bones, and it prevaileth against them; He hath spread a net for my feet, He hath turned me back; He hath made me desolate and faint all the day. {S}
יד נִשְׂקַד עֹל פְּשָׁעַי בְּיָדוֹ, יִשְׂתָּרְגוּ עָלוּ עַל-צַוָּארִי–הִכְשִׁיל כֹּחִי; נְתָנַנִי אֲדֹנָי, בִּידֵי לֹא-אוּכַל קוּם. {ס}	14 The yoke of my transgressions is impressed by His hand; they are knit together, they are come up upon my neck; He hath made my strength to fail; the Lord hath delivered me into their hands, against whom I am not able to stand. {S}
טו סִלָּה כָל-אַבִּירַי אֲדֹנָי בְּקִרְבִּי, קָרָא עָלַי מוֹעֵד לִשְׁבֹּר בַּחוּרָי; גַּת דָּרַךְ אֲדֹנָי, לִבְתוּלַת בַּת-יְהוּדָה. {ס}	15 The Lord hath set at nought all my mighty men in the midst of me; He hath called a solemn assembly against me to crush my young men; the Lord hath trodden as in a winepress the virgin the daughter of Judah.’ {S}
טז עַל-אֵלֶּה אֲנִי בוֹכִיָּה, עֵינִי עֵינִי יֹרְדָה מַּיִם–כִּי-רָחַק מִמֶּנִּי מְנַחֵם, מֵשִׁיב נַפְשִׁי; הָיוּ בָנַי שׁוֹמֵמִים, כִּי גָבַר אוֹיֵב. {ס}	16 ‘For these things I weep; mine eye, mine eye runneth down with water; because the comforter is far from me, even he that should refresh my soul; my children are desolate, because the enemy hath prevailed.’ {S}
יז פֵּרְשָׂה צִיּוֹן בְּיָדֶיהָ, אֵין מְנַחֵם לָהּ–צִוָּה יְהוָה לְיַעֲקֹב, סְבִיבָיו צָרָיו; הָיְתָה יְרוּשָׁלִַם לְנִדָּה, בֵּינֵיהֶם. {ס}	17 Zion spreadeth forth her hands; there is none to comfort her; the LORD hath commanded concerning Jacob, that they that are round about him should be his adversaries; Jerusalem is among them as one unclean. {S}
יח צַדִּיק הוּא יְהוָה, כִּי פִיהוּ מָרִיתִי; שִׁמְעוּ-נָא כָל-עמים (הָעַמִּים), וּרְאוּ מַכְאֹבִי–בְּתוּלֹתַי וּבַחוּרַי, הָלְכוּ בַשֶּׁבִי. {ס}	18 ‘The LORD is righteous; for I have rebelled against His word; hear, I pray you, all ye peoples, and behold my pain: my virgins and my young men are gone into captivity. {S}
יט קָרָאתִי לַמְאַהֲבַי הֵמָּה רִמּוּנִי, כֹּהֲנַי וּזְקֵנַי בָּעִיר גָּוָעוּ: כִּי-בִקְשׁוּ אֹכֶל לָמוֹ, וְיָשִׁיבוּ אֶת-נַפְשָׁם. {ס}	19 I called for my lovers, but they deceived me; my priests and mine elders perished in the city, while they sought them food to refresh their souls. {S}
כ רְאֵה יְהוָה כִּי-צַר-לִי, מֵעַי חֳמַרְמָרוּ–נֶהְפַּךְ לִבִּי בְּקִרְבִּי, כִּי מָרוֹ מָרִיתִי; מִחוּץ שִׁכְּלָה-חֶרֶב, בַּבַּיִת כַּמָּוֶת. {ס}	20 Behold, O LORD, for I am in distress, mine inwards burn; my heart is turned within me, for I have grievously rebelled. Abroad the sword bereaveth, at home there is the like of death. {S}
כא שָׁמְעוּ כִּי נֶאֱנָחָה אָנִי, אֵין מְנַחֵם לִי–כָּל-אֹיְבַי שָׁמְעוּ רָעָתִי שָׂשׂוּ, כִּי אַתָּה עָשִׂיתָ; הֵבֵאתָ יוֹם-קָרָאתָ, וְיִהְיוּ כָמֹנִי. {ס}	21 They have heard that I sigh, there is none to comfort me; all mine enemies have heard of my trouble, and are glad, for Thou hast done it; Thou wilt bring the day that Thou hast proclaimed, and they shall be like unto me. {S}
כב תָּבֹא כָל-רָעָתָם לְפָנֶיךָ וְעוֹלֵל לָמוֹ, כַּאֲשֶׁר עוֹלַלְתָּ לִי עַל כָּל-פְּשָׁעָי: כִּי-רַבּוֹת אַנְחֹתַי, וְלִבִּי דַוָּי. {פ}	22 Let all their wickedness come before Thee; and do unto them, as Thou hast done unto me for all my transgressions; for my sighs are many and my heart is faint.’ Continue reading here: http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt3201.htm

(more…)

“Dependant” is a noun. (Unless you refer to habitual substance abuse; that use in particular and the use of “dependant” as an adjective is only listed by WordNet though, so in case of doubt, I’d strongly advise against using “dependant” as an adjective.) If you depend on somebody, you’re dependent on somebody.

The auxiliary used in the Present Perfect (Simple as well as Continuous aspect) is “have” and not the preposition “of”. E.g.: It could have been better. or It could‘ve been better. not *It could of been better.

And why all that? Rest assured, I’m not PMSing, but I’ve just come across a somewhat worrisome internet find:

Embaressed by yor spelling? Never you mind.

Fed up with his students’ complete inability to spell common English correctly, a British academic has suggested it may be time to accept “variant spellings” as legitimate.

Rather than grammarians getting in a huff about “argument” being spelled “arguement” or “opportunity” as “opertunity,” why not accept anything that’s phonetically (fonetickly anyone?) correct as long as it can be understood?

“Instead of complaining about the state of the education system as we correct the same mistakes year after year, I’ve got a better idea,” Ken Smith, a criminology lecturer at Bucks New University, wrote in the Times Higher Education Supplement.

“University teachers should simply accept as variant spelling those words our students most commonly misspell.”

To kickstart his proposal, Smith suggested 10 common misspellings that should immediately be accepted into the pantheon of variants, including “ignor,” “occured,” “thier,” “truely,” “speach” and “twelth” (it should be “twelfth”).

Then of course there are words like “misspelt” (often spelled “mispelt”), not to mention “varient,” a commonly used variant of “variant.”

And that doesn’t even begin to delve into all the problems English people have with words that use the letters “i” and “e” together, like weird, seize, leisure, foreign and neighbor.

The rhyme “i before e except after c” may be on the lips of every schoolchild in Britain, but that doesn’t mean they remember the rule by the time they get to university.

Of course, such proposals have been made in the past. The advent of text messaging turned many students into spelling neanderthals as phrases such as “wot r u doin 2nite?” became socially, if not academically, acceptable.

Despite Smith’s suggestion, language mavens are unconvinced. John Simpson, the chief editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, says rules are rules and they are there for good reason.

“There are enormous advantages in having a coherent system of spelling,” he told the Times newspaper.

“It makes it easier to communicate. Maybe during a learning phase there is some scope for error, but I would hope that by the time people get to university they have learnt to spell.”

Yet even some of Britain’s greatest wordsmiths have acknowledged it’s a language with irritating quirkiness.

Playwright George Bernard Shaw was fond of pointing out that the word “ghoti” could just as well be pronounced “fish” if you followed common pronunciation: ‘gh’ as in “tough,” ‘o’ as in “women” and ‘ti’ as in “nation.”

And he was a playright.

Before speed dating, J-Date, Valentines Day or Sadie Hawkins Day, there was the original ancient Love Holiday -Tu B’Av. Jewish maidelach and suitors went out into the fields to see and be seen, really, the first Jewish singles event. It’s a celebration of love for everyone.

Tu B’Av, the 15th Day of Av, is a day of joy, a day for matchmaking dating back to the second Temple period (before the fall of Jerusalem in 70 C.E.).

Jewlicious and JconnectLA are producing the biggest celebration of Tu B’Av to hit the City of Angels, Love Fest, on Aug. 14, 8:30pm-1am, at Fu’s Palace Restaurant. Tickets are just $15 in advance, $20 at the door and include your first drink ticket. Students with ID can get in for $15.

Co-sponsored by Taglit Birthright Israel-NEXT, Jewcy, the Jewish Agency, ModernTribe.com, and Cool Jew Book, expect a festive romantic evening of music, humor, matchmaking, cool swag, $7 drinks, and yummy eats.

Entertainment for the evening includes the hilarious and talented Smooth-E, Jewish rockers 8th Day, the mystic rhythms of DJ Eric Rosen, and the unmatched energy and spirit of MOSHAV.

Lisa Alcalay Klug will be offering a sneak preview of her much anticipated book Cool Jew, which is not for sale until Sept. 1 – but we’ll have it on sale at Love Fest.

Rabbi Yonah and Rachel Bookstein will be unveiling Instant Matchmaking™. Love Fest’ers need to be there early to have your chance at an Instant Match – all done in the spirit of Tu B’Av. Who knows what waits in store for you at Love Fest?

If you already have a special someone, celebrate your love during this ancient festival, with hundreds of others at Love Fest. Don’t let Love Fest pass you by, it only happens once a year.

For tickets go to Jconnectla.com today!

Every Tuesday during the summer in Central Park, various teams made up of the city’s media elite compete in various sports challenges. As the house organ of the people that actually do control the media, Heeb Magazine is sort of forced to participate in these athletic shenanigans. Of course, faced with competition from burly goyim and women who played Lacrosse in College, Heeb has had a perfectly winless record. That is until last week, when they faced a team of what must have been totally inebriated Irishmen who could barely stand, Heeb had its first taste of victory in a game of capture the flag.

Addicted to the adrenaline rush of victory, Heeb Business manager and Kvetcher David Kelsey recruited me as a sort of ringer for their next match up against the funny folks at the Onion. I say sort of because I think I got a photo credit there once – it was a pic of me reading Heeb over Arafat’s grave.

Anyhow, sure enough we swept the Onioners 2-0 in a best of three game of Kubb, a Swedish lawn game where the object is to knock over wooden blocks by throwing wooden sticks at them. No, I’m not kidding. Google it if you don’t believe me. In any case, next week they play some other game against the hotties at L’Oreal. If you want to go cheer – go the Heeb Web site and use the contact info to ask when and where the next game is. The L’Oreal women wear short shorts and knee high socks. Just so you know…

Thanks to Lori for the pics and moral support, thanks to Heeb for letting me play and giving me the opportunity to help my shtetlach diaspora Jews achieve some success in an area of physical prowess. For a change.

While we’re on the topic of summer reads, the official launch of Cool Jew: The Ultimate Guide for Every Member of the Tribe is around the bend.

On September 1st, cooljewbook.com will announce the winner of its first giveaway: an autographed and personalized copy of Cool Jew sent to you, where ever you may roam.

Wanna win a freebie? Get your entry in!

Heck, maybe we’ll throw in a t-shirt–if there are any left after the extravaganza also known as Love Fest 2008, co-sponsored by JConnect LA and Jewlicious. Guest performers include Moshav, Smooth-E aka comedian Eric Schwartz, 8th Day, DJ Eric Rosen, and a certain author.

When: 8:30 pm – 1 am, Thursday, August 14th

Where: Fu’s Palace
8751 West Pico Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90035-2212
(310) 271-7887
Free parking

$15 in advance — $20 at the door, includes one free drink and kosha buffet
Pre-pay at www.jconnectla.com. For more info: Michal@jconnectla.com or 310-405-2336.

Co-presented by Birthright Israel NEXT–Los Angeles, Jewish Agency,
ModernTribe.com and Jewcy with assistance from FunkyFrum.com.

Actually, I find it messy to read at a beach. It is so much easier to read at a pool, a tar or asphalt covered roof, a park, a couch, a bench or an air conditioned subway car. But wherever you end up committing this reading task, they still call it “beach reads.” And since Jewish people are the people of the book, it is not too late to discuss some recommended books for the People of the Summer book.

Please feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments area. Thanks.

Why is a Summer read different from a regular read? Summer gives you the permission to read about light subjects and indulge in guilty pleasures. My main reads so far were a Vietnamese memoir and a book on the Shapes of U.S. States. I am currently reading a son’s mesmerizing book on his father’s Kurdish Jewish childhood. But herewith are the books on my more Jewish oriented list:

CERTAIN GIRLS
A NOVEL
BY JENNIFER WEINER

When I went to the book reading, I was in heaven. I was nearly the only male and surrounded by the author and over 100, how shall I say it, zaftig women. Weiner tells the story of Candace Cannie Shapiro, as she handles a rebellious saughter, plans for a bat mitzvah, struggles with her weight and ponders whether to indulge in the fatherhood desiers of her cousin loving husband, Peter.

Moscow Rules
by Daniel Silva

July 2008, Putnam
The newest Gabriel Allon thriller, already a best seller in the USA. The death of a journalist leads Allon to Moscow, a place filled with glamour and oil wealth. Neo-Stalinists are plotting a renewed Russian empire and a way to fund al-Qaeda to destroy the USA

Golda
by Elinor Burkett

May 2008, HarperCollins
Don’t mess with Golda. Yeah, Ghandi. She beat you. Golda was the woman to head a modern Western country. Can you spell tenacious? And what about sexy? Who else, other than Mao, out-maneuvered Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger? Burkett looks at Golda’s motivations and ideals, personal victories and disappointments

Shut Up, I’m Talking
And Other Diplomacy Lessons I Learned in the Israeli Government
A Memoir
by Gregory Levey

Gregory Levey, currently a teacher at Ryerson University, was a law student in Manhattan when he applied for an internship at the Israeli Consulate. He was 25, and ended up getting much more than he expected. After an interview process that was more complex than a prostate exam, he started the internship, and was asked to fill in for a speechwriter. He started to write speeches for the Israeli delegation to the United Nations. Soon enough, he was also attended UN sessions and drafting statements. Then he was flown to Jerusalem so that he could write speeches for Ariel Sharon, the Prime Minister. The book recounts the comical and bizarre experiences he had in Israel and New York City. Is Israeli Government any place for a nice Jewish boy?

Ambivalence
Adventures in Israel and Palestine
by Jonathan Garfinkel

August 2008, Norton
A memoir by a naïve confused North American, Jonathan Garfinkel, who visits Israel and ventures into a mythic house in Jerusalem where Jews and Arabs coexist in peace

As you may or may not know, a short while back we launched a Russian language version of Jewlicious. The idea is that they take select blog posts from Jewlicious and translate them into Russian. They also write their own original Jewlicious-esque content which they share with their international, Russian speaking audience. Editor Tanya Gutsol, who I met at ROI120, and the rest of her crew seem to have been plugging away quite nicely. I have no idea what they’re writing really, but with a little help from Google translate I am fairly certain that Jewlicious.ru is not a front for some shady Russian mail-order bride operation.

As part of our desire to publicize Jewlicious.ru, Tanya decided that I should design a clever t-shirt. Thus was born the Rucking Fussian shirts you see displayed above. I originally used a Russian style font that emulated Cyrillic lettering by doing things like reversing the “N” – total nonsense of course but I thought it was kind of funny.

Well, the Cyrillic purists at Jewlicious.ru did not think so. They felt that the reverse N and faux Cyrillic would confuse native Russian speakers who would not be able to figure out that we were, you know, kidding. So to please Tanya and to settle this dispute we decided to keep both and see what you, our loyal Jewlicious readers felt. Which shirt is more, well, Jewlicious? The faux Cyrillic one? Or the normal one Tanya forced me to re-design?

At stake is my credibility and the future of who gets to call the shots around here as well as some unspecified and unimportant side bet Tanya and I have going. You may vote below or better yet, vote with your wallet and buy your favorite shirt, thus earning us $5 per sale which we will use to keep Jewlicious.ru running and to feed hungry Soviet seniors. With whatever is left over.

Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.