Comments on: Post Conference http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/ It's a Jewish Blog! Sat, 20 Mar 2010 21:15:19 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: rosario petuzzio http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1305164 rosario petuzzio Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:45:24 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1305164 BULLSHITTERS BEWARE! THE GREAT OFFENDER IS HERE! WHO KNOWS WHAT BULLSHIT LURKS IN THE MOUTHS OF MEN? THE GREAT OFFENDER DOES! WHAT IS BULLSHIT BUT A BLATANT LIE TOLD WITH GREAT CONVICTION! THE MORE FLAGRANT THE BULLSHIT, THE MORE THE BULLSHITTERS COMPLAIN AND STRIKE OUT WHEN QUESTIONED AND CONFRONTED. THE GREAT OFFENDER HAS NO FEAR AND SHOWS NO MERCY. LET THE TRUTH BE TOLD AND LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY!  About Me "THE GREAT OFFENDER" "When I'm hard, I'm soft. But, when I'm soft, I'm hard!   Tuesday, April 21, 2009 "THE BALLAD OF THE GREAT OFFENDER” Yes, I'm the great offender! Offending is what I do well. I won't play your games I'll kick ass and take names and give all you bullshitters hell. Oh yes, I'm the great offender! Searching the web far and wide. When I find things not true, I shout out "F-you!" And the liars all run away and hide. I sit by my screen I'm so vicious and mean Telling it just as it is! All the bullshitters moan And plead "let me alone" And I say "here's my ass to kiss!" Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Yesss, I'm the great offender! Just doing what needs to be done. You bullshitters out there Had all best be aware That breaking your balls is great fun... That breaking your balls is great funnn! Posted by "THE GREAT OFFENDER" at 8:03 PM Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) BULLSHITTERS BEWARE! THE GREAT OFFENDER IS HERE!
WHO KNOWS WHAT BULLSHIT LURKS IN THE MOUTHS OF MEN? THE GREAT OFFENDER DOES! WHAT IS BULLSHIT BUT A BLATANT LIE TOLD WITH GREAT CONVICTION! THE MORE FLAGRANT THE BULLSHIT, THE MORE THE BULLSHITTERS COMPLAIN AND STRIKE OUT WHEN QUESTIONED AND CONFRONTED. THE GREAT OFFENDER HAS NO FEAR AND SHOWS NO MERCY. LET THE TRUTH BE TOLD AND LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY!

About Me
“THE GREAT OFFENDER” “When I’m hard, I’m soft. But, when I’m soft, I’m hard!


Tuesday, April 21, 2009
“THE BALLAD OF THE GREAT OFFENDER”
Yes, I’m the great offender!
Offending is what I do well.
I won’t play your games
I’ll kick ass and take names
and give all you bullshitters hell.

Oh yes, I’m the great offender!
Searching the web far and wide.
When I find things not true,
I shout out “F-you!”
And the liars all run away and hide.

I sit by my screen
I’m so vicious and mean
Telling it just as it is!
All the bullshitters moan
And plead “let me alone”
And I say “here’s my ass to kiss!”

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Yesss, I’m the great offender!
Just doing what needs to be done.
You bullshitters out there
Had all best be aware
That breaking your balls is great fun…
That breaking your balls is great funnn!
Posted by “THE GREAT OFFENDER” at 8:03 PM
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

]]> By: The Sage for This Age http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1286607 The Sage for This Age Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:04:24 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1286607 Greetings, ladies and gentlemen, from your friendly former exotic dancer, Moshe Rabeynu. I am interested in establishing a "Chippendales" type establishment in Israel. What type of assistance and tax benefits does the Israeli government provide to new businesses of olim chadashim? Are there many such entertainment facilities in Israel? I would like some idea as to how stiff the competition would be. Do Israeli women, as a rule, like to look at males dancing in skimpy G-strings? Are they generous tippers? Would they put a shekel to the shmeckel? If I hire other olim chadashim as dancers, would they have to pay any taxes on their tips? Can I employ dancers who have not had a bris ? I might want to hire one or two to add variety to the show’s lineup. Is a liquor license hard to obtain in Israel. Do I have to bribe any officials to receive one? To whom is it customary to pay proteksia money to start a business and keep it going and approximately how much to they ask for? . It’s not easy having to retire from all the glamour and the excitement. I yearn to shave my legs and pubic area, don my good old G-string once again and to get back into the limelight as the leader of a first rate male exotic dance review. I have put on a little weight over the course of my retirement years but I have started an exercise regimen to tighten my pecs, glutes and abs which the ladies like so much. I am going to undergo penile enlargement surgery while I’m still living in the U.S. to compensate for the “shrinkage” of old age (as George Constanza would describe it). I would have had it done in Israel after aliyah, however, the Jewish Agency Representative told me I would have to pay an import duty on the implant device in Israel because it was over nine inches. The Israeli Government limit’s the size of a penile implant to 4 ¾ inches to qualify for the oleh chadash tax and import duty exemption. I explained that this was a work related expense and an integral part of the Male Exotic Dance business but he told me that Israel as a socialist society and they didn’t see why anyone should require an implant in order to have such exceptionally large genitalia. I asked him, “what about each according to his ability, each according to his needs”. I explained that if I were going to be a success in my chosen line of endeavor, I would “need” to pack the gear. The whole matter is still up in the air and I have come to the conclusion that he is angling for a bribe or payoff either for himself or a cohort. He told me on the QT that it might be possible to fudge the official import manifest paperwork to look like the importation of two 4 ¾ inch implants instead of one 9 ½ inch implant. I could certify that I was orthodox and one implant was “milchadikeh” and one was “flayshekikeh”. This whole rigmarole will have to be steered through the immigration bureaucratic process by unseen hands so I assume someone, somewhere, will require a payoff. Additionally, I have been advised that there might be a problem with the Rabbinate. They feel that it is unseemly for a woman to place her tip in the male dancer’s G-string. They said that they will require that all the dancers carry “pishkahs” (containers with slots on top) like I had to carry around, when I was in Hebrew school, for the Keren Kayemet. I asserted that if the ladies want to put their sheckels by the shmeckles and get a little peek and a little poke in the process, this is their right as “am chofshi”! The male dancers will be instructed to carry the “pishkahs” but the ladies can place their tips wherever they please, be it in the dancer’s pouch or his “pishkah” slot. I’ll have to sign off for now. I’m getting some new G-strings made up and I have an appointment for a fitting. Greetings, ladies and gentlemen, from your friendly former exotic dancer, Moshe Rabeynu. I am interested in establishing a “Chippendales” type establishment in Israel. What type of assistance and tax benefits does the Israeli government provide to new businesses of olim chadashim? Are there many such entertainment facilities in Israel? I would like some idea as to how stiff the competition would be. Do Israeli women, as a rule, like to look at males dancing in skimpy G-strings? Are they generous tippers? Would they put a shekel to the shmeckel? If I hire other olim chadashim as dancers, would they have to pay any taxes on their tips? Can I employ dancers who have not had a bris ? I might want to hire one or two to add variety to the show’s lineup. Is a liquor license hard to obtain in Israel. Do I have to bribe any officials to receive one? To whom is it customary to pay proteksia money to start a business and keep it going and approximately how much to they ask for? . It’s not easy having to retire from all the glamour and the excitement. I yearn to shave my legs and pubic area, don my good old G-string once again and to get back into the limelight as the leader of a first rate male exotic dance review. I have put on a little weight over the course of my retirement years but I have started an exercise regimen to tighten my pecs, glutes and abs which the ladies like so much. I am going to undergo penile enlargement surgery while I’m still living in the U.S. to compensate for the “shrinkage” of old age (as George Constanza would describe it). I would have had it done in Israel after aliyah, however, the Jewish Agency Representative told me I would have to pay an import duty on the implant device in Israel because it was over nine inches. The Israeli Government limit’s the size of a penile implant to 4 ¾ inches to qualify for the oleh chadash tax and import duty exemption. I explained that this was a work related expense and an integral part of the Male Exotic Dance business but he told me that Israel as a socialist society and they didn’t see why anyone should require an implant in order to have such exceptionally large genitalia. I asked him, “what about each according to his ability, each according to his needs”. I explained that if I were going to be a success in my chosen line of endeavor, I would “need” to pack the gear. The whole matter is still up in the air and I have come to the conclusion that he is angling for a bribe or payoff either for himself or a cohort. He told me on the QT that it might be possible to fudge the official import manifest paperwork to look like the importation of two 4 ¾ inch implants instead of one 9 ½ inch implant. I could certify that I was orthodox and one implant was “milchadikeh” and one was “flayshekikeh”. This whole rigmarole will have to be steered through the immigration bureaucratic process by unseen hands so I assume someone, somewhere, will require a payoff. Additionally, I have been advised that there might be a problem with the Rabbinate. They feel that it is unseemly for a woman to place her tip in the male dancer’s G-string. They said that they will require that all the dancers carry “pishkahs”
(containers with slots on top) like I had to carry around, when I was in Hebrew school, for the Keren Kayemet. I asserted that if the ladies want to put their sheckels by the shmeckles and get a little peek and a little poke in the process, this is their right as “am chofshi”! The male dancers will be instructed to carry the “pishkahs” but the ladies can place their tips wherever they please, be it in the dancer’s pouch or his “pishkah” slot. I’ll have to sign off for now. I’m getting some new G-strings made up and I have an appointment for a fitting.

]]> By: themiddle http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1265526 themiddle Sat, 14 Mar 2009 06:59:34 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1265526 Good one, Sage. Good one, Sage.

]]> By: The Sage for This Age http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1265391 The Sage for This Age Sat, 14 Mar 2009 04:30:42 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1265391 One day, while I was vacationing in Hong Kong, I misplaced the key to my hotel room. I called the hotel manager and told him that I needed a new key as soon as possible. Three minutes later, a prostitute showed up at my door saying “Manager tell me you want nooky quick-quick. You give me hundred dollar, I give you number one nooky! I tried to explain to the young woman, “No, I want a NEW KEY, not your nooky!” She got angry and yelled at me, You want nooky but not MY nooky! What wrong with MY nooky? My nooky clean, just wash this morning!” “You don’t understand me”, I told her, “I need a NEW KEY!”. “And I need hundred dollar!”, she replied at the top of her voice. “Well“, I thought to myself, “since I can’t leave without a new key, I might as well avail myself of the opportunity.” That is when I got my Chinese nickname. When I took my drawers down, the young woman exclaimed, “You hung so lo!, you hung so lo!” “No, I told her, my name is Moshe Rabeynu, I’m not Hung So Lo. I’m not even half-Chinese.” “For China“ she replied “you hung so lo!” So that is how I became known as Moshe “Hung So Lo” Rabeynu in China. One day, while I was vacationing in Hong Kong, I misplaced the key to my hotel room. I called the hotel manager and told him that I needed a new key as soon as possible. Three minutes later, a prostitute showed up at my door saying “Manager tell me you want nooky quick-quick. You give me hundred dollar, I give you number one nooky! I tried to explain to the young woman, “No, I want a NEW KEY, not your nooky!” She got angry and yelled at me, You want nooky but not MY nooky! What wrong with MY nooky? My nooky clean, just wash this morning!” “You don’t understand me”, I told her, “I need a NEW KEY!”. “And I need hundred dollar!”, she replied at the top of her voice. “Well“, I thought to myself, “since I can’t leave without a new key, I might as well avail myself of the opportunity.” That is when I got my Chinese nickname. When I took my drawers down, the young woman exclaimed, “You hung so lo!, you hung so lo!” “No, I told her, my name is Moshe Rabeynu, I’m not Hung So Lo. I’m not even half-Chinese.” “For China“ she replied “you hung so lo!” So that is how I became known as Moshe “Hung So Lo” Rabeynu in China.

]]> By: Steve http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1018156 Steve Sun, 24 Aug 2008 15:52:19 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1018156 You an see the Jewlicious-Netanyahu Exchange here... <a href="http://www.yideoz.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8b4ddff085d66a916a20" rel="nofollow">http://www.yideoz.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8b4ddff085d66a916a20</a> You an see the Jewlicious-Netanyahu Exchange here…

yideoz.com/vie...

]]> By: Jacob Richman http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1017800 Jacob Richman Sun, 24 Aug 2008 04:45:16 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1017800 You can see pictures at: http://www.jr.co.il/pictures/israel/jerusalem/2008/jer173.htm Shavua Tov, Jacob You can see pictures at:
jr.co.il/pictu...

Shavua Tov,
Jacob

]]> By: Lena http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1016497 Lena Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:51:38 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1016497 For those of you wanting to see the whole Jewlicious/Netanyahu exchange, I believe that the webcast is still up on NBN's website (http://www.nbn.org.il/bloggers). That piece comes in around 1:01:06 or something like that. For those of you wanting to see the whole Jewlicious/Netanyahu exchange, I believe that the webcast is still up on NBN’s website (nbn.org.il/blo...). That piece comes in around 1:01:06 or something like that.

]]> By: Aliyah Survivor - Jessica http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1016319 Aliyah Survivor - Jessica Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:19:53 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1016319 I made Aliyah with Nefesh B’Nefesh 5 years ago and found the conference very interesting (I watched on-line) with the other 1000 people that couldn’t make it. I think blogging is a great way for people to connect, share their experience and help others. I personally began privately writing about myAliyah experience over 2 years ago for personal reasons and only recently began publishing. I was thrilled to hear that others were receptive to my writing style. Keep up the Jewish Blogging! aliyahsurvival... Jessica - The Aliyah Survivor I made Aliyah with Nefesh B’Nefesh 5 years ago and found the conference very interesting (I watched on-line) with the other 1000 people that couldn’t make it.

I think blogging is a great way for people to connect, share their experience and help others. I personally began privately writing about myAliyah experience over 2 years ago for personal reasons and only recently began publishing. I was thrilled to hear that others were receptive to my writing style.

Keep up the Jewish Blogging!

aliyahsurvival…

Jessica – The Aliyah Survivor

]]> By: Gil http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1016179 Gil Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:37:11 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1016179 Me and CK getting off the flight (courtesy of my neighbor who found these pictures): http://www.jr.co.il/pictures/israel/history/2008/a5107.htm http://www.jr.co.il/pictures/israel/history/2008/a5108.htm Me and CK getting off the flight (courtesy of my neighbor who found these pictures):

jr.co.il/pictu...
jr.co.il/pictu...

]]> By: Gil http://www.jewlicious.com/2008/08/post-conference/comment-page-1/#comment-1016173 Gil Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:28:45 +0000 http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=4980#comment-1016173 CK: It was a great pleasure spending so much time with you. You know I think you're a good guy and I like what you're doing, even though we are doing very different things aimed at different audiences. Gila, way to speak your mind! CK: It was a great pleasure spending so much time with you. You know I think you’re a good guy and I like what you’re doing, even though we are doing very different things aimed at different audiences.

Gila, way to speak your mind!

]]>