Jersey Shore: MTV Reality Show Season Finale

It’s been what? A week in Babylon? And it’s been mad weird. The only place the weather was kind was in Montreal and “It never rains in Southern California” has been inundated with rain storms of biblical proportions – I’m here to prepare for the Jewlicious Festival and I have yet to see Long Beach because it seems the roads down there are flooded to high hell! So I’m chatting with a friend, who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons, and she tells me “OMG! The season finale of Jersey Shore!” Curious I watched about 5 minutes of this MTV reality show tribute to “guidos and guidettes,” young Italians who spend the summer working by day and partying by night on the Jersey shore. Viewers who follow the adventures of 4 dopey, juiced up guys and 4 potato head girls can’t help but wince at how stupid and shallow these people are. It’s truly beyond belief and is full of drunkenness, random hooking up, inanity and lots of Ed Hardy Apparel – couturier to the doucheoisie. But… before you start feeling all superior, please allow me to introduce you to Danielle.

From what I could determine, Danielle is a traditional Israeli girl from Jerusalem. She doesn’t believe in sex before marriage and urged Pauly D to come visit her in Israel and eat kosher. Also she’s a moron and a crazy stalker and isn’t so religious that she wouldn’t throw herself on a moron guido and get kissy face on camera with him after giving him an I heart Jewish girls t-shirt with a magen david/Italian flag combo. So yeah, we’re not that superior. Not at all. In fact, in Israel, reality shows similar in intelligence to MTV’s Jersey Shore are ubiquitous. The vaunted and otherwise much admired Israelis are reality show junkies, and reality shows are the stupidest entertainment available – the television version of crack. No wait, not even crack – more like huffing glue from a paper bag. Bad, bad stuff, and Israelis love it like Lebanon loves its hummus.

Here’s an episode of Ahmed and Salim where they infiltrate the set of Israel’s Big Brother. “Where does the Qur’an say you have to blow up reality shows?” asks the host. Ahmed and Salim’s Father replies “Huh? What Qur’an? I just hate this stupid fucking show!” Now there’s some terror we can all get behind!