A Jewlicious Exclusive
Jewlicious operatives in Israel recently gained access to a top secret Mossad facility used to train Shark Assassins. Hoping to undermine Egypt’s tourism industry which is harming Eilat’s economy, the Mossad has trained dozens of sharks to attack European tourists in the Sinai.
This facility was, until now, a well kept secret and even Jewlicious correspondent Larry was fooled into ridiculing the assertions of the governor of South Sinai, General Abdel Fadeel Shosha, that these Sharks were planted in Egyptian waters by the Mossad. Egyptian Shark specialist Captain Mustafa Ismael theorized that the Sharks had been implanted with GPS devices which prevented them from going up the coast and attacking tourists in Eilat.
However, our investigation has pinpointed the exact method used by the Mossad to make sure that neither tourists in Eilat or Israelis visiting the Sinai get attacked. It’s very simple really and the answer is… pork. The Mossad trained these sharks to love pork, and with their finely honed sense of smell, they only attack humans who have recently consumed ham or bacon or sausages and other pork products. In the Sinai that means the sharks only attack European tourists who stay in hotels. Israelis staying in Bedouin Hooshas (thatched cabin encampments) are never attacked because the Bedouins don’t serve pork. The Beach at Eilat also offers these ravenous sharks slim pickings because there are no hotels in Eilat that serve pork.
While we are impressed with the Mossad’s ingenuity, we note with sadness that this amoral operation is yet another example of the destabilizing effect of the occupation. Once the Palestinians achieve justice and are repatriated to their homes and verdant fields, and the King and Queen of Palestine are returned to their thrones, we are certain that there will no longer be killer pork eating Mossad sharks infecting the waters of the Red Sea and victimizing innocent European tourists.