Kosher Sex. Toys.

No. KosherSexToys.net is not some lame product tie in to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s seminal work on presumably God approved Kosher Sex. Nope. What it is, is a Web site that markets sex toys to Orthodox Jews. What does that involve? No photos of naked people, no salacious words and packaging and, apparently, no sex toys that would involve violations of Jewish law. That means all manner of dildos, female vibrators, lube and, coming soon, intimate lingerie but no butt plugs or flesh lights (spilling seed is a capital offense in Judaism, but women can uh… jingle their janglies to their heart’s content without fear of divine sanction).

I can totally appreciate that, really, I can. What I do find kind of humorous is the final result. The Web site design is basic but it works. But what is funny are the descriptions of the products. For instance there are a number of Rabbit-style vibrators. These are designed for both penetration and clitoral stimulation thanks to a pair of strategically placed rabbit ears – hence the nomenclature. But how does KosherSexToys describe their Rabbit knock off? “Vibrating Stimulator has a long soft shaft with rows of beads for extra stimulation and an extension for stimulation of body parts not reached by penetration of its main shaft.”

Huh? In case you missed that “body parts not reached by penetration” is another way of saying “clitoris.” Their Clit-flicker cock ring also has an attachment that provides “stimulation to parts of the woman’s body that are not reached using other items and by penetration.” Wow. One can imagine the verbal gymnastics that take place at a frum gynecologist’s office. Imagine, the very nerve center of a woman’s sexual pleasure is defined merely by it’s inconvenient location in relation to her husband’s member. Yikes.

But please, don’t take this as a mean-spirited jab against KosherSexToys.net‘s Haredi client base. Just as I welcomed the introduction of lingerie into the Haredi boudoire so too do I approve of this whimsical but nonetheless halachic attempt to make procreation a bit more fun. Those folks look like they can use some fun. And while the site might seem a tad dismissive of female sexuality, there is acknowledgement that the clitoris exists and that it needs to be uhm… addressed.

Also please note that no gratuitous sexual imagery was harmed in the making of this post.

Hat tip to Heshy!

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  1. Rabbi Yonah

    9/2/2011 at 5:35 pm

    I will take the liberty of offering the furst comment – I have already been inundated with facebook messages about this post, and the drug post, and some are wondering if this is just a Jewish TMZ.

    News and issues about Jews ? Check
    Irreverent tone? Check
    Clever image? Check
    Good analysis? Check
    Funny? Check.

    • themiddle

      9/2/2011 at 7:51 pm

      You should encourage the people who are writing to you to buy a Rabbit.

  2. ck

    9/11/2011 at 1:53 am

    Rabbits aren’t designed for men silly TM

    • themiddle

      9/11/2011 at 2:32 am

      Oh my God, the Great Houdini lives!

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    9/12/2011 at 7:03 am

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    3/4/2012 at 3:29 pm

    Huh? In case you missed that “body parts not reached by penetration” is another way of saying “clitoris.”

    haha.. i totally agree

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    9/7/2012 at 9:47 am

    This seems to me a great idea, since images can really get some people shy and make them do not purcahse sex toys. This is a great example on how you can make money on sex toys!

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    9/10/2012 at 4:25 pm

    Hilarious article, well done sir!

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