Folks are in an uproar with news that Mormons have posthumously baptized Daniel Pearl, a Jewish journalist who was murdered by Muslim extremist terrorists in Pakistan. This is something the Mormons do all the time – Anne Frank has been baptized 9 times. Elie Wiesel recently discovered that his name and that of his grandparents have been entered into a database for future baptism and conversion. The Mormons mean well of course – it is their hope that those posthumously baptized will be able to go to heaven, despite being encumbered by, Jewishness.
But see, the thing is, I’m not pissed. I don’t really care. The Mormons can posthumously baptize every dearly departed member of my family from here all the way back to Sinai for all I care and it won’t matter one bit. Why? Well, if I may be blunt, it’s quite simple. I am a Jew. I don’t believe in Mormonism and I most certainly do not believe in the validity of this bullshit baptism thing. Of course upsetting Daniel Pearl’s family is a terribly insensitive thing to do, but Daniel Pearl’s posthumous Mormon baptism is about as valid as a wooden nickle.
So yeah. Fuck those bullshitting baptizing Mormons. I don’t care. Besides, Stephen Colbert converted them all to Judaism by circumcising a hot dog. Oy.