I Don’t Care About Mormons

mormons

Folks are in an uproar with news that Mormons have posthumously baptized Daniel Pearl, a Jewish journalist who was murdered by Muslim extremist terrorists in Pakistan. This is something the Mormons do all the time – Anne Frank has been baptized 9 times. Elie Wiesel recently discovered that his name and that of his grandparents have been entered into a database for future baptism and conversion. The Mormons mean well of course – it is their hope that those posthumously baptized will be able to go to heaven, despite being encumbered by, Jewishness.

But see, the thing is, I’m not pissed. I don’t really care. The Mormons can posthumously baptize every dearly departed member of my family from here all the way back to Sinai for all I care and it won’t matter one bit. Why? Well, if I may be blunt, it’s quite simple. I am a Jew. I don’t believe in Mormonism and I most certainly do not believe in the validity of this bullshit baptism thing. Of course upsetting Daniel Pearl’s family is a terribly insensitive thing to do, but Daniel Pearl’s posthumous Mormon baptism is about as valid as a wooden nickle.

So yeah. Fuck those bullshitting baptizing Mormons. I don’t care. Besides, Stephen Colbert converted them all to Judaism by circumcising a hot dog. Oy.

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Founder of Jewlicious? Publisher? Man I hate titles. I coined the name Jewlicious and I slave over the site. I live in Jerusalem and I need to get some breakfast.
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13 Comments

  1. Akiva

    3/2/2012 at 8:16 am

    I like the Colbert thing, but was it an Orthodox conversion?

  2. dan

    3/3/2012 at 2:29 am

    I’m in complete agreement. If anyone tells me to go to hell (though no one has), why should it bother me? Jews have no afterlife.

    Fuck the Mormons. Who cares about fucking religious believers of any stripe.

  3. dan

    3/3/2012 at 2:37 am

    ps. though you have to admit those Mormon boys are very hot indeed!

    • ck

      3/4/2012 at 2:43 pm

      I have had encounters with some Mormon girls studying in BYU’s Jerusalem campus and they are certainly hot – the boys however look too milk-fed and wholesome. But I dunno, maybe you’re into that sort of thing Dan?

      That link is not really safe for work. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  4. larry

    3/4/2012 at 8:30 am

    i agree with ck.
    there are so many more important issues to focus on, such as why my cable bill keeps getting higher

    but for those of you who skipped church this morning, you missed your mormon bishop reading a letter on the pulpit from our leader and prophet which threatens to prohibit any mormon who converts a non family member/jewish person from using the LDS family history database (I have used it in SLC and NYC), or from using the fudge bar at the BYU student center (I did that too)

  5. dan

    3/5/2012 at 10:59 pm

    I can live with it:-)

  6. Dave O

    3/6/2012 at 11:27 am

    I think the LDS has been using LSD.

  7. Joel Gold

    3/9/2012 at 10:19 pm

    LDS is a cult, founded on a man named Joseph Smith. Smith was known for telling yarns. He told a big one and Morminism was invented. As for afterlife and Judaism; it is found in Tanakh. Daniel 12, Psalm 73, Exodus, Job…etc.

  8. Mike Darnell

    3/14/2012 at 2:37 am

    Stephen Colbert is now officially invited to shabbos at my place.

  9. Yael in the Red Sweater

    3/25/2012 at 12:58 am

    They’re not killing us or persecuting us in any way in an attempt to convert us.

    If anything, I’d like them to start a campaign to get members of all other religions to be this nice to the Jews, and harass us only posthumously.

    • ck

      3/25/2012 at 1:51 am

      Ha ha. Good point Yael!

      Wait a minute. THE Yael in the red sweater??

      • themiddle

        3/25/2012 at 2:23 am

        Who is Yael in the red sweater?

  10. Raoul Duke

    4/30/2012 at 2:08 am

    Hitler had the right idea…just saying.

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