The Top Ice Cream Flavors to Save Israel

icecream.jpgHa’aretz today decided to publish a list of future American presidential candidates ranking them on their perceived attitudes toward Israel. I can’t help but think that this exercise may help to drive traffic to their site and perhaps even sell newspapers, but it is nothing short of, uh, moronic interesting, since nobody can predict the future or know somebody’s true attitudes when that person is a politician watching their every word.

However, in the spirit of Ha’aretz’s prognostication, I’ve decided to add a list of the ice cream flavors with the greatest likelihood of saving the Jewish state.

Chocolate Chip 9.32

Caramel Turtle Fudge 8.21

Red raspberry sorbet 8.15

Chunky Monkey® 8.1 + 1.64 for cool name

Key Lime Pie 8.01

Triple Chocolate 7.85

Cherry Garcia® 7.77 + 1.23 for cool name

Pink Bubblegum 6.32

Mango Sorbet 6.22

Vanilla 2.43

Feel free to predict your own saviors for Israel.


  1. Shy Guy

    9/6/2006 at 1:19 am

    Anything from Häagen-Dazs. Keep it simple.

  2. itzik

    9/6/2006 at 1:34 am

    what about cackies’n cream?

  3. ari

    9/6/2006 at 3:35 am

    that ranking system is probably one of the worst things ha’aretz has ever published…and i say that knowing two of the esteemed panelists.

    and it will definitely be the chunky monkey that saves israel.

  4. themiddle

    9/6/2006 at 3:47 am

    I can just see some of these politicians pointing to this survey to win over pro-Israel voters while the anti-Israel voters will be feted by those lower on the list to win their votes.

    Politician: “A prominent Israeli newspaper voted me as likely to be a stupendous supporter of Israel.”

    Savvy voter who reads Jewlicious: “Um, is that the same paper that employs Amira Hass? By the way, do you like Chunky Monkey ice cream?”

  5. evariste

    9/6/2006 at 3:51 am

    Gefilte Sushi?

  6. ck

    9/6/2006 at 5:51 am

    Shakshuka ice cream. That would totally fucking rock. Totally.

  7. Jewish Mother

    9/6/2006 at 9:40 am

    I hear Moroccan Meatballs cure all illnesses! That, and first rate medical attention, recently cured a man, B”H, in Israel. He got married, after being quite ill and even despaired of. Wow!

    So I vote for Moroccan Meatball Ice Cream to save Israel.

    And of course Chicken Soup Ice Cream for the voozvoozim, who are not really so bad, when you take them the right way. Put a little fresh dill in the soup, it tastes perfect, and impresses everybody. Dill is that thready grass in the Edible Grass section of the market. Mmmm.

  8. Adam

    9/6/2006 at 9:42 am

    Harissa Nut Crunch? Hummous Fudge?

    Ok I actually just grossed myself out.

  9. esther

    9/6/2006 at 9:46 am

    Felafel brown betty, with whipped tehina cream from a can, with pine nuts on top. And chocolate jimmies.

  10. AbbaGav

    9/6/2006 at 11:42 am

    I agree except the part where you said nobody can predict the future. I can — hey, I knew I was going to say that. On ice cream flavors, hmmm, let’s see, how about Peretz Pistachio Moustache?

    While this comment is nothing short of…interesting…I hope it drives traffic to your site. Now I’m going to have to hit the refresh button a few times.

  11. Adam

    9/6/2006 at 12:31 pm

    Perhaps they should go for a Cigarette Chocolate Chip flavor?

  12. Jewish Mother

    9/6/2006 at 1:32 pm

    Dill! It’s all in the dill! Dill ice cream! With chocolate jammies, as you say. Are the jammies extra? The IS the pajamo-o-sphere after all.

  13. Shy Guy

    9/6/2006 at 4:13 pm

    No one mentioned chocolate chulent cheescake ice cream.

  14. Kol Isha

    9/6/2006 at 10:46 pm

    Hanava Bananot… Af-al-pecan…

    does anybody else remember that old email about Pasken & Rabbi’s ice cream?

  15. toro

    3/18/2008 at 2:01 am

    I live in japan.
    I am studying about ice cream and sugary foods.
    And I would especially like to collect data about ice cream.

    Because of the link to your site.
    We hope to link this site please!

  16. Big p

    12/10/2008 at 8:54 am

    That would be so cool! I love ice cream,and a Jewish man, nothing would make me more happier!

    C’mon Shylock! 🙂

  17. Hooch

    12/10/2008 at 8:55 am

    Ach, hellai. My Yamaka nearly fell off!!!

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