Jew Controlled Media. Right.

Israeli filmAjami lost the Best Foreign Film Oscar to some Argentinian flick. That’s 3-years in a row that an Israeli film got nominated and lost. I don’t think the Coen brothers’ A Serious Man won anything and the Nazi in Inglorious Basterds won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar. I think the Jews got stiffed. At least they threw us a bone during the introduction:

I mean, man, Ajami was awesome! It was flat out a great story and the fact that the cast was predominantly amateur made it that much more amazing. A Serious Man was simply brilliant in the way that it weaved the evolution of Jewish thought into a modern day story of Job. And yet? Bupkes! Now you know what to tell them next time they say we control the media.

inspired by a chat with Gad

Dang. There goes all our traffic.

The Open Net Initiative recently released a report noting that Microsoft’s Bing search engine is filtering all Arabic and English terms for sexually explicit content when used in a search in any Arabic speaking country. Type in words like sex, breast, lesbian, intercourse, nude, clitoris (but not vagina) or lick in English or in Arabic and instead of getting your search results, you’ll get a notice from Bing stating “Your country or region requires a strict Bing SafeSearch setting, which filters out results that might return adult content.”

So is this a big deal? Probably not. I mean it’s funny that Bing has taken a position of ostensibly safeguarding Arabs from racy Internet content, but it’s really easy to get around this filtering process. There’s no geolocation so if you simply change your country preference to one that values freedom, you can search for “clitoris” all you like without getting the results filtered. Secondly, who uses Bing anyway? I am thus relieved that popular search terms leading to Jewlicious, and originating in Arab and Muslim countries, like “Israel Sex Woman” or “Hot Israeli Soldier Babes” or “Fuck Jew Girl” will still lead horny Arabs to Jewlicious thus artificially increasing our hit numbers.

Whatever. I knew this Bing thing was bogus. I just wanted an excuse to put up a funny LOL Cats inspired photo of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who by the way, isn’t an Arab! He’s a Persian. Yeah.

Well, something’s going on…

Last night in New York Aish Hatorah organized a swank, star studded Purim party at the Sony Atrium. The party was hosted by Chris Noth, Mr. Big from Sex and the City and included some of the cast from MTV’s Jersey Shore.

I know. You’re thinking a Purim party? Run by Aish? Hosted by a guy called “Chris?” Featuring a bunch of proud Guido reality TV stars?

Well, someone on high must have taken notice, because right in the middle of the party, some of the glass panels in the atrium came loose and fell, showering the VIP section with glass. Clearly this wasn’t divine wrath at it’s worst because, thankfully, no one got hurt. But I can just imagine the big guy upstairs thinking “Chris Noth? Is that the best you can do? Sex and the City was a million years ago! And frankly, I’ve had it with Snooki, Vinny and that “The Situation” guy. So yeah, here’s a little sign of my displeasure.”

Snooki for her part tweeted the following message: “Its okay Vin and I are still alive … Omg roof just collapsed at the purim event! We thought the dj was beatin the beat hardcore but nope,the roof couldn’t handle snooki and vin…”

That’s right Snookster. Your reality TV show and the foisting of your cast members on our collective psyches is so dumb that it offends both inanimate objects and dieties. Either that or crazy Israeli Danielle tried to kill Pauly D. Either way… wtf??

Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

One of the more disturbing hair trends of the past decade is on its way out, at least judging by the latest looks on the runway. What am I talking about? I’m talking about straight, flat hair achieved via daily use of a heating Iron and product. This look was and remains popular, particularly amongst Jewish women who seek to control their unruly Semitic hair. But what is considered unruly by some is considered hot by others, and now, it’s not just hot, it’s fashionable! Female Jewish fashionistas can put away the horrible Iron and laugh at their naturally flaxen haired counterparts as they buy expensive product and waste countless hours every month in order to look more Semitic.

I’m not kidding. Check out the suggested regime and product required:

1. Braid your hair in tiny braids (the thicker the braid, the less textured your hair will be).
2. Using hairspray (we like Bumble and Bumble Spray de Mode – $25), spray all over, then flat iron each braid to set the crimp. I also like using a product called Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray. Just spray it on before or during ironing.
3. After the hair is set, take the braids out and use your fingers to separate.
4. Spray the ends of your hair with hair powder (Bumble and Bumble Dry Hair Powder – $35), it’s the absolute secret weapon for giving your hair a frizzy, full finish.

Thank goodness for the inevitable end of that straight hair trend. It was just plain stupid. And this isn’t some cool Jew nonsense – we’re not talking about the ironic sporting of Jewfros as a statement of pride for one’s heritage. This is a legitimate fashion trend and applies to all, Jews and non-Jews. Sort of like circumcision! OK, maybe I added that last line in just to piss David Kelsey off. Sue me. I mean he’ss all flipped out about deceased 93 year old women with 2000 descendants, and I’m expressing concern for my sisters! But yes, frizzy/curly hair is back. Yay!

With all the buzz in LA this week about the Oscar voting – here is my vote— Inglorious Basterds should win Best Picture, and many other accolades for Quentin Tarantino and his brilliant cast. Basterds is the most intriguing movie about WWII and the Holocaust to be made in decades.

Writing about the film this week, a few days before the holiday of Purim, I am drawn to a parallel between Basterds and Purim. In the Purim story, Jewish salvation came not at the hands of politicians and power-brokers, but through a Jewish woman who had hidden her identity from everyone including her husband. In Basterds, it is also a Jewish woman, whose past and Jewish identity a secret, and is being romanced by a Nazi poster-boy, who is the heroine.

Basterds is a film about WWII and the “face of Jewish revenge” portrayed by a band of American Jews scalping Nazi behind enemy lines. There is also the Jewish woman who plots to murder the entire Nazi leadership as revenge for her murdered. None of these things actually happened, Basterds is a fairy tale.

The film is brilliant from every angle. It has drama, humor, romance, and suspense. The plot twists are compelling. The story, the photography, the script, the acting, and the drama all are detailed, textured, nuanced, colorful, and captivating.

I was apprehensive. I had never seen a Tarantino film, and heard there is a lot of violence. While Basterds has some pretty graphic violence, it is a WWII movie after- all. The scalping made everyone cringe. Yet the violence pales in comparison to portrayals of mass murder by Nazi death squads or gas chambers.

The Jews are tough in this film. More James Bond than Woody Allen, more Mossad, that Seinfeld. There are no sheep being led to the slaughter. The Nazis are brutal, interesting, grotesque – not unlike the real Nazis. The leader of the Basterds played by Brad Pitt brands Nazis with Swastikas on their foreheads so they cannot escape into regular life afterward. They cannot escape what they have done.

It is clear that Tarantino did a ton of research on his subject matter. He read up on the Nazi film industry, and the war, and real life WWII spy stuff. He digested all the previously exulted WWII movies and hints of them appear in the film

I enjoyed many parts of the film for their poetic justice, suspense, and dialogue – but this one I love to retell.

Winston Churchill, when hearing of the Germans plans to replace Jewish cinema with Nazi cinema, says “You say [Goebbels] wants to take on the Jews at their own game?”

If we cannot laugh we cannot heal. If we cannot dream we cannot move on. Tarantino’s film helps us heal, and move on, but that is not why he made it – he made it because it needed to be made.

If they would have murdered Hitler – millions would have been saved, but it was not the priority of the Allied forces. In fact, the only ones that made a serious attempt at it late in the war were fellow Germans.

The Allies tried to win the war the old-fashioned way, with infantry, tanks, planes and bombs, with propaganda, cloaks, daggers and brute force. I don’t know if this was Tarantino’s goal, but Basterds shows that redemption can come from average people doing extraordinary things. To stop an evil tyrant we cannot depend solely on conventional means, and conventional players, we need to act and hope that we are helped by the hand of God.

OK, that title was total nonsense

But seriously, when I want to know the latest in teen religious Jewish boy band news, the first place I go to is Heeb magazine. And they never disappoint! After the bump check out these uh… cuties, called the Moshiach Times Band. JDub dubs them the “Jewnas” brothers and raves about their “skinny jean/Tzitzit combo” while Tablet Magazine says that they are “the religious Jews’ answer to the Jonas Brothers.” Me? I don’t even know who the Jonas Brothers are and I’m definitely not going to make any cracks about scoring sem girl booty in the temple bathroom (I leave that to Heeb). All I can say is that I am heartbroken that the David Kelsey approved musical line up at the Jewlicious Festival is all booked up and that we won’t be able to invite the Moshiach Times Band to play before they hit puberty and their sweet, angelic voices begin to crack. Oh well.

(more…)

World Boxing Association super welterweight champion!

A native of Belarus, winner of 3 national Israeli boxing championships and the current WBA super welterweight champion of the world, Yuri Foreman may not have his own grill like George but so what? He’s the 1st Israeli World Boxing Champion and the only Boxing champion ever to be studying to be a Rabbi. What’s next for Yuri? He tried to get a fight with Manny Pacquiao, the WBO World welterweight champion, but Pacquiao opted instead to fight someone he was more likely to beat. Oh well. I guess we don’t know what’s next for Foreman professionally, but we DO know what’s next for him in terms of FUN!

Yes, because we like to be surrounded by tough guys who are also spiritual, we reached out and invited Foreman to the Jewlicious Festival, and he in turn accepted. What should Jewlicious Festival goers expect? Well, a general increase in both testosterone and spirituality and a talk from Yuri about Jewish identity. Or aa seminar on how to kick ass. We’re not sure yet. We don’t really care, we’re just thrilled to have him and we all look forward to meeting him.

Uhm. Not so much.

It must have seemed like a good idea at the time I suppose. I mean when you look at any kind of armament you can’t help but notice all kinds of obscure alphanumeric codes that don’t usually mean anything to the end user and certainly don’t affect the effectiveness of said weaponry. So the evangelical Christian owners of Trijicon Inc. probably thought what heck! Why not emboss meaningful alphanumeric codes onto the advanced telescopic sites they sold? The sites, widely used by the US armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as by the IDF in Israel contained the following codes: “JN8:12,” a reference to John 8:12 which describes Jesus as the “light of the world” – and “2COR4:6,” a reference to part of the second letter of Paul to the Corinthians. They were probably thinking that these codes were barely legible! What harm could it do?

Plenty.

Despite the fact that the company had been inscribing their gun sights in this way since 1995, no one noticed until it was brought to light by former U.S. air force officer, Michael Weinstein, president of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation. Reactions? Plenty!

“The Muslim Public Affairs Council in Washington said the biblical references violated the nation’s values and would stoke the fires of extremists who accuse the United States of carrying out a religious crusade in Asia and the Middle East… In a letter early Thursday to President Obama, the Rev. C. Welton Gaddy, president of the Interfaith Alliance, said the gun sights “clearly violate a government rule prohibiting proselytizing” and called the practice “only the latest in a long line of violations of the boundaries between religion and government within the military.” … In Afghanistan, the Al Jazeera news service reported that sights with the Christian references had been distributed to some Afghan soldiers and that this would provide the Taliban with a propaganda coup.

And in Israel?

The IDF Rabbinate told Arutz Sheva that the codes do not violate Jewish law but that it is preferable to remove them because of the “sensitivity” regarding their appearance on weapons used by the army of the Jewish State. The IDF said it was unaware of the codes until the issue was raised in the United States.

Anyhow, Trijicon has sent out kits to remove the offending code and has promised not to do that ever again. Oh those whacky Christians. What will they think of next?

By Little Billy Eichner ft. Rachel Dratch

Ok first JayZ and Alicia Keys did this song called New York State of Mind which, unless you’re some kind of snob who only listens to like, classical music or obscure Garage Rock bands from Istanbul, you must have heard like 1000 times by now. It is kind of catchy. So this dude Billy Eichner did a Jewish take off and frankly, it’s awesome. I mean I’ve never been to Forest Hills but I assume it’s a Jewy suburb of New York. The other obscure references? Stuyvesant High, which is where I think Ariel Beery went to school and Bronx Science, another high school that I’m pretty sure that Beery didn’t attend. Otherwise, the messages contained in this video are totally universal, albeit a little uhm… full of foul language. Enjoy:

Hat tip to Heshy at FrumSatire for the heads up.

I’m a be there!

So yeah, I’m off to New York and then LA to help the gang get ready for the Jewlicious Festival. But the excitement will begin almost as soon as I land as the plan is to go to the Highline Ballroom at 8 pm to see HaBanot Nechama. I can tell you about my mad crush on MC Karolinal, or how these three amazing Israeli artistes met, or how their debut album went platinum almost from the get go… I can also talk about how their songs combine English and Hebrew lyrics as well as musical influences such as Reggae and acoustic-soul… but really? Here is one of their videos. The song is So Far off their self-titled debut album. You like it? Go to their Web site and check out their tour which will take them coast to coast in both Canada and the US.

But yeah, like I said – I am definitely seeing them on the 12th in NY. Get tickets here and say hello. Or punch me in the face. I don’t care.

Yesterday, a story featuring Rinat Gutman was on the front page of the Ynet (Hebrew) Web site. She had been interviewed about the whole Orthodox female rapper thing that she does, and they delved a little into her family background. Turns out her Dad is a Rabbi and her Grandfather is Rabbi Joseph BaGad, a Rosh Yeshiva and colorful former MK with the right-wing Moledet and Moreshet Avot parties. The interview discussed issues relating to the extent of the prohibition against Kol Isha (a man is prohibited from hearing a woman’s voice in song) and how her family feels about her musical career. They also featured Rinat’s newest video Agas (Pear) shot last summer in London:

The talkbacks were mostly encouraging – though there was some pretty spirited discussion related to what is and isn’t “religious” etc. reminiscent of previous discussions on the topic. OK fine but, did you notice that I was credited with two photos that appeared in the article, including the bad ass pose shown here (Unisex Matte Faux Leather Hoody courtesy of American Apparel Jerusalem, of course)? So far I’ve had photos published in Heeb, YNet, Haaretz, the JTA etc. Can I now consider myself “an interdisciplinary artist and documentarian investigating post-normative forms of Jewish cultural expression?” Please? Can I?

Rinat Gutman is going to be on some Channel 2 morning show tomorrow. I don’t ever watch Israeli TV so I can’t tell you more, but it’s a big deal apparently. You can also see her perform at the Jewlicious Festival in Long Beach, California on Feb. 19th. Buy your tickets today!

UPDATE:
Here’s the video from Rinat’s Channel 2 appearance. It’s in Hebrew but as soon as I figure out how to snarf it, I’ll upload it with subtitles. As it is I can’t even embed it even though the code is provided. Oh well. Here’s a photo from the studio interview instead:

Is this Politically Correct?

How politically incorrect can the Israeli cartoonists behind Ahmed and Salim get? Not so much – in this holiday video, their targets are terrorists, who in the pantheon of political correctness rank just above straight white men in terms of acceptable subjects of off color humor. Count all the pop culture references they managed to cram into a 4 minute video, from Peanuts to It’s a Wonderful Life. Sigh. Life was so much simpler before the Internet when Israel had just one TV channel…

If you liked Ahmed and Salim’s holiday video, you’ll also like this one where they take the piss out of Israel’s obsession with really bad reality TV shows – and we all know that taking the piss out of Israelis, not Jews (”figdy Ibrahim Foxmaniyeh!!”) but Israelis is perfectly acceptable to the PC police.

Brit & Cony (in happier, hazier times)

TMZ.com is reporting that actress Brittany Murphy died this morning after having been rushed to Cedars-Sinai in LA where she suffered from full cardiac arrest. The 32-year-old actress, best-known for her featured work and memorable roles in “Clueless” and “Girl Interrupted” was also once engaged to Ashton Kutcher. Media is still speculating on the exact cause of her death, though asthma is rumored to have been a catalyst.

Then again, asthma is also rumored to have been the convenient excuse for Murphy’s former husband, Simon Monjack’s rush to the hospital this past month after he got into a brawl in Mexico following her being fired off the set of the film “The Caller.” Wherever the real truth lies,  Monjack, whose nickname is ConJack was apparently not the best influence on our “Uptown” starlet, Jewish wedding ceremonies and all.

Here’s hoping wherever you are Brittany, it’s a better place than with that ConJack hubby of yours.

No seriously. WTF??

From Date to Mate is a faux reality show, sort of like The Office, except here, a camera crew follows around 20-30 something Jewish singles in New York as they try to find love online. All the singles met each other on JMatch and we get to see what happens when they finally meet. There’s Justin, the TV production dude still kinda hung up on his non-Jewish ex. He went out on a date with Sarah, a bubbly blond Real Estate professional. Then there’s Brett who went out on a date with Daniel, the Wall Street dude.

Honestly, I thought this would suck but shockingly enough the first episode had awesome camera work, real production values, engaging characters and a script that left me cringing in sympathy for two of the characters. This has definitely raised the bar for online Jewish content. A lot. I am still bewildered at how something this good ever got made. But don’t take my word for it. Check out the trailer on YouTube or check out the entire show yourself right here, right now thanks to my iframe/HTML skillz dat pay da billz:

The show is produced by Shalom TV and is sponsored by our good friends at JMatch, the bad asses of Jewish online dating.

Details at 11

When Senator Orin Hatch, a Mormon, put together a nice little Hanukah ditty, some took umbrage because the Senator is a Republican. And a Mormon. Not sure which they felt was worst. In any case, Max Weinberg, “the Tonight Show’s only Jew” put together a Christmas ditty, sung to the tune of “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel,” featuring singing by host Conan Obrien and the Tapernacle Choir. Get it? “Tapernacle?” They’re a choir and they tap! The one thing I learned from this song is that we don’t really know a hell of a lot about Mormons.

Hat tip to Farrah and the Forward

In the annals of contemporary Chanukah music, we’ve had choir backed singalongs, rap songs, klezmer ditties and heavy metal paeans. However, Chevonne’s My Menorah is the first sultry Hasmonean R&B track I have ever heard. Jewish? Well she’s got Semitic hair-even if it is occasionally pink, she wears a blinged-out Magen David, she mentions Manischewitz so often you gotta wonder whether they paid her for the product placement, the video was shot in SOHO and I did see a drawer full of dreidels in there. Sultry? Uh… yes. Chevonne, a Jewish Betty Davis, is clearly not so into tznius. R&B? No doubt – Chevonne is a great singer and works that slow groove to a T. OK so technically we light a Chanukiah on Hanukkah and not a Menorah. The Menorah had seven branches and was used in the Temple in Jerusalem. The Jews only found enough consecrated oil to light the Menorah for one day. The oil lasted 8 days and so we light a Chanukiah with 8 branches and a shamash. But that’s ok. In common usage a Chanukiah is called a Menorah so we can forgive that. Chevonne’s song, is basically about bumpin’ booties with eight suitors in a Festival of Nights, and other than superficial nods to Chanukah, has, thematically, nothing at all to do with the holiday.

But whatever, she did do a photoshoot for Heeb at the Knishery – anyone that’s tight with Alex is gonna be tight with me. It’s a fun to video to watch, Chevonne is a very talented vocalist, the video was expertly shot, and so I’m not going to give her a hard time.

Oh shit. Did I just say hard??? Yikes!

Sigh. You can find out more about Chevonne and her upcoming NYC gigs on her Web site, ListenToChevonne.com where you can also listen to and perhaps purchase tracks from her Holiday themed EP, Unwrap Me. Enjoy!

CK and I were chatting yesterday. While this alone might be of little interest as the chat this time did not entail any risqué or gross topics (Will CK ever get used to my “Look what I’ve found / invented / dreamt of!”-outbursts?), there were a few things to blog about.

Firstly, Stacey Solomon came in third in the X-Factor UK 2009 finals. What shall I say? I felt a little sad that she didn’t win, but I wish her good luck in making her way. My gut tells me she’ll be in over a longer haul than her fellow contestants. And we’ll always welcome her at a European festival. (Have I spilt a secret now?)

Secondly, as I was watching Stacey’s duet with Michael Bublé, I mentioned to CK that Muffti looks a bit like the Canadian singer. We both agreed on that Muffti’s cuter, yet his singing qualities were not rated as favourably by CK. (I’ve never heard Muffti sing, so…) Anyhow, I pointed out to CK that Michael Bublé could well be singing his way into the pants of most ladies, which was a talent. I won’t paraphrase the next few lines of the chat but treat you to the real deal, raw emotions, and genuine drama (please excuse any typos and the lack of capitalisation):

CK: heh
wimmins
froylein: yeah?
CK: its not the greatest thing on earth to get them to have sex with you
froylein: but to have them drool over you by the millions – that’s something
CK: there’s only so many women you can fuck [ed.'s note: CK meant to say, "engage in loving and respectful consensual sexual intercourse with".]
froylein: serge gainsbourg would never have got laid if not for his singing

CK: even serge gainsbourg could have gotten laid
froylein: with that punim?
CK: yes
the french women are weird that way
froylein: heh
CK: germans too so dont get uppitty

Luckily for CK, I missed that last line and only just saw it in the chat history. I’ll save the comparison of lovers of different nationalities for another post, so you’ll have something to look forward to.

Back on topic, thirdly, Jewlicious’ favourite Yuriy Gurzhy is featured in the current edition of Jüdische Allgemeine (click here for the .pdf-version of that page). The article is an abridged chat between him and Shantel about how they met and what constitutes as respectively whether there even was such a thing as “Jewish music”. The most interesting aspect in this excerpt, I think, was that both these veterans of indie dance music with an often Jewish twist have been under the impression that lately people have invented or re-discovered their Jewishness as it suddenly appeared to be a fashionable thing to be Jewish. I’ve been wondering whether seeing a disproportionate number of Jews in pop culture not only had to do with fashion but also more acceptance of artistic professions among Jewish families.

And while I keep wondering, here’s some indie dance music with a Jewish (or is it a European?) twist for you:
Gay, Gypsy and Jew by Yuriy’s band Rotfront, performed in Budapest last night.

Aw yeah. I hope you enjoy this ballad by the Carsitters called I Don’t Mind from their newest Album No Time, available from thecarsitters.com. Noah Margalit, an ROI alum is a tireless performer, promoter and all ’round kick ass chick. I can say “chick” because this is rock n’ roll bitches! In any case, The Carsitters are clearly a band that’s going places. Literally.

They will be leaving the spiritual purity of Tel Aviv on Tuesday when they embark on a mini European tour where they will be playing gigs in Frankfurt, Antwerp, The Hague and Amsterdam. Is this a precursor to a much awaited American tour? Or is it just an opportunity for European fans to join the band for space cake coffee in Amsterdam, Waffles in Antwerp and uh… doughnuts in Deutchland? Or maybe it’s both! In any case, you can get gig details off their web site but basically the fun begins in Frankfurt on Dec. 16th, then the 17th in Antwerp, the 18th in the Hague, the 19th back in Antwerp and finally the 23rd in Amsterdam.

Whew. If you’re in or near any of those cities, go support this band who kicks ass live and does all they can to support innovative projects in Israel. Noa and her gang never say no when summoned to entertain and you too should show them the same level of devotion. Because they love you and you will love them even as they kick your ass with sonic bombosity!

Yallah Chabibi!

The Festival that could is back again this year and the line up is, as always, outstanding! Taking place from December 12 to December 19th, New York’s Sephardic Music Festival includes performances by Matisyahu, Y-Love, Pharaoh’s Daughter, DeLeon, Kosha Dillz, Eprhyme, DeScribe and a whole host of more traditional Sephardic musicians. Every year, the Yemenite artist known as Diwon aka Erez aka DJ Handler, the man, no, the force of nature behind Shemspeed and more parties, events and concerts than I can possibly keep track of pulls this Festival together out of fumes, sweat, hard work and I don’t even know what… a love of quality Jewish music and happenings that transcend denominations, fostering unity and booty bumpin’ good tunes. If you are in or near the NYC area, check out the lineup for yourself and support this amazing project by at least buying some tickets.

Oh? And there’s more? Yes there is! Enter to win tickets to each of the Sephardic Music Festival and Matisyahu Shows, NOW – visit this post on Shemspeed. But do it now – contest ends Dec. 9th!

And do make sure to thank all those awesome Jewish Philanthropies and Organizations who got together to support this amazing project run by a guy who is an ROI alum and was listed in the Forward 50, the Jewish Week’s 36 under 36 and the Heeb 100. Yes thank them all. Here’s a complete list of Jewish communal sponsors for this Festival:

Uhm. Yeah.

Whatever. Fuck that noise! party hard New York City!

Note: I am being comped for my tickets to these movies. How sweet is that? But you know I would never go see movies that didn’t interest me. That is, movies that are Russian, Jewish, and depressing.

I’m going to the Washington DC Jewish Film Festival (20th Annual!) next week. It starts on Friday, December 3rd, and goes until December 13th, at a number of venues throughout the city, including the Washington DC JCC and the AFI Silver Theatre in Silver Spring, as well as the Embassy of France. Snazzy!

Are you going? If you plan on it, let me know and we can meet up. I am really, really excited about it because I’m going to be seeing four or five films and reporting back. Here is a list of all the movies playing. Can you guess which ones I’m going to see and review?

I’ll give you a hint:

Gift to Stalin

Srugim:

Father’s Footsteps:

10 Weizman Street:

Brothers:

Have you seen any of these yet?

Black Friday / Thanksgiving Outrage?

Best Buy pissed off a whole lot of people with the above Black Friday flier that announced Thanksgiving Day sales and wished it’s Muslim customers a “Happy Eid al-Adha.” This year, Thanksgiving Day coincides with the Muslim holiday also known as the Festival of Sacrifice. This holiday commemorates, amongst other things, Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son as an act of obedience to God. Uhm. His son Ishmael that is. In Saudi Arabia.

That had to have been a hell of a walk given that Abraham lived in Canaan at the time…

The Festival is celebrated by the wearing of one’s best clothes, the distribution of gifts and the sacrifice of domestic animals, commonly goats. Last night I was in a cab driven by a guy from East Jerusalem. We were discussing price and he started telling me about his Eid al-Adha preparations. He purchased a goat for his Mother and Father, his wife and child and for himself. He told me how each person would eat from their sacrificed goat and then distribute what was left to the poor. His father had passed away, so that entire goat was going to go to the less fortunate.

Back in America, folks inundated the Best Buy Message board and various blogs with howls of outrage, wondering why Eid al-Adha was mentioned by name while Best Buy has a policy against wishing customers a Merry Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza or Yule instead opting for the neutral “Happy Holidays.” Others took umbrage with the perceived bloodthirstiness of the Muslim Festival, ignoring completely the fact that Christmas celebrates the birth of this dude destined to be sacrificed in a horrible and bloody way (NOT by the Jews!) and that Eid al-Adha is really mostly about gift giving and charity. This has also inspired the inevitable calls for boycotts against Best Buy and marks the official beginning of this year’s war against Christmas. Apparently.

Me? I gave in and gave the cab driver the disputed 5 shekels. Do you have any idea how expensive goats are??? Happy Thanksgiving Day and Eid Al-Adha Mubrak America!

When Christians promote tznius…

The end results may still be completely ridiculous. Witness the following video that promotes the “Christian Side Hug” an attempt to offer physical warmth and compassion while also avoiding an inadvertent crotch graze:

Now you may not know this, but according to these guys, “Jesus never hugged nobody like that!” and so an alternative to the traditional hug was necessary. Hence the wigger gangsta posturing, sounds of gunfire and sirens, complete with dropped bullet casings and one of the most ridiculous videos I have ever seen – the only video in fact that ever inspired me to exclaim “What the fucking fuck was that???” It made me think of George Orwell’s 1984 and the Junior Anti-Sex League where kids would snitch on their parents. And what am I supposed to make of that opening refrain “I’m a rough rider, filled up with Christ’s love.” I mean depending on the definition you choose, a “rough rider” could mean “a condom covered with spikes enhancing sexual experience for the female, sometimes pain” or “A person who excels in sex” or someone who enjoys rough anal sex. I mean damn, if you’re going to co-opt urban culture to such an extreme, please at least use the appropriate terminology. And I do love the wholesome dancing girls playing the role of hoodie wearin’ hos. Awesome. I guess the worst part of all this, is when you fuck up on such a colossal scale, you make all religious people look completely retarded. I don’t know about the Christian Side Hug, but I do know a couple of Christian wiggers to whom I’d love to administer a Jewish Side Kick to the ass.

I wonder if they’ll turn the other cheek?

Well they did say they were Rough Riders!

Hat tip to Erez at Shemspeed

Another Ideal Chanukah Gift Idea!

The Gods Of Fire’s Chanukah album, Hanukkah Gone Metal is not some cheesy exploitation thing. It is a sincere homage to both Chanukah (however the hell it’s spelled in English) and classic 70’s Heavy Metal.

Seth Diamond of Gods Of Fire, wrote of this album in a recent piece in Jewcy:

The initial ideas flowed quickly. It would be eight songs, one for each night. We would keep our versions of “Oh Hanukkah” and “Havenu Shalom Aleichem,” and write six songs of our own. Each song would represent a significant part of the holiday. Then the hard part started. How do you stay true to your Metal roots while writing about gelt or frying up latkes? Also what should the record sound like? I wasn’t comfortable staying exclusively in the realm of traditional Metal. I knew we needed to do something special. We were making a holiday record for *our* people and *our* culture. And then I started humming some melodies I remembered from Shul. I picked up the guitar and cranked up the distortion. The sounds of the synagogue were PERFECT for Heavy Metal. Then I made some calls. I can get a clarinet player, and a trumpet player too! Not only could I have a Klezmer feel on a few songs, but I can have the sounds as well! Suddenly the vision and the sound came together quickly. We were truly going to make a JEWISH METAL album. One foot in each culture, co-existing peacefully. Admittedly some of the songs are very American and conventional, but I hope the more Judaic songs could serve as a bridge to help someone else connect with their history, and learn more about Hanukkah or Klezmer. I don’t know if Gods of Fire will make another religious album, but the sounds and the melodies of our faith are here to stay.

Some might take umbrage with this project, but as Diamond mentioned, this is not a Jewish Stryper. This is the real thing. You can purchase the CD on Amazon OR you can send an email to heavymetal@jewlicious.com. On the 6th night of Hanukah we’ll select 3 lucky random winners to receive a free CD! This is in keeping with our traditional super easy contest policy. But don’t be a cheap bastard! Buy the CD – or we’ll uh… bite off the head of a chicken and stick it in a latke!

Love Israeli innovation

With the rapid approach of Hanukah and its fabled 8 days of gift giving, one is often forced to look beyond the obvious Judaica items for thoughtful presents. One way to go is to perhaps look at some of the innovative products coming out of Israel, and in that vein, I’d like to offer for your consideration the Calla Lilly line of uhm… adult personal massage products. The Everest, the Sahara and the Amazon were inspired by the Calla Lilly, as sensuous a flower as has ever existed. The team that put together this world class sex toy is made up of a team with combined expertise in industrial design, high-end medical product manufacturing, Mechanics, Electronics integration, Optics, User Interface and just plain old good loving.

I remember when Israel Military Industries came out with the Galil Assault Rifle. The designers noted that soldiers often broke their assault rifles when they used the ammunition feed to pop open beer bottles. So they integrated a bottle opener into the Galil, along with a tripod and a wire cutter. Smart right? In the same spirit, the Calla Lilly line of sex toys are not just beautifully designed, they are also rugged, wireless, water proof and built to the exacting standards one expects from high-end medical products. No more flimsy Rabbits that break after 2 weeks!

But that’s not all! The beautifully designed petal-shaped charging stand also acts as a night light that glows with an incandescent light, creating a sensual radiance and atmosphere in the room. Ready to use at a moment’s notice, these vibrators will make your personal massage sessions less furtive and bothersome, allowing you instead to focus on the task at hand. So to speak. Flexible, innovative, multi-functional, ready to go… makes you think of the IDF huh?

The Calla Lilly product line is available toy-thinkingofyou.com. Take my advice and I’m pretty sure some of our readers will have a very happy Hanukah indeed.

… of how long I’ve wanted to post this particular song on Jewlicious if only just to see the typical suspects whine about my bad influence on their otherwise splendidly isolated cultural self-concept. Now, the British X-factor has given me an occasion to post that track for good reason.

Ha!

Even though I’m not quite certain how this contest is structured as I already expected the finals to be weeks back, and actually, I don’t care at all as I’ve already picked my favourite, please keep your fingers crossed (starred?) for Stacey Solomon.
She did a great performance of Dusty Springfield’s Son of a Preacherman and again, as over the past few weeks, she’s received criticism by Simon Cowell that, I think, was not always necessarily justified. Sooooooo, a little bit of googling helped me to understand the dynamics behind this. Guess who’s patrilineal?
Therefore, Stacey, just pretend Simon Cowell’s a Jewish mother. He must nag.

However, before I start musing about how Simon Cowell would look in a fitted black outfit, I rather suggest you watch Stacey’s performance: