… of how long I’ve wanted to post this particular song on Jewlicious if only just to see the typical suspects whine about my bad influence on their otherwise splendidly isolated cultural self-concept. Now, the British X-factor has given me an occasion to post that track for good reason.

Ha!

Even though I’m not quite certain how this contest is structured as I already expected the finals to be weeks back, and actually, I don’t care at all as I’ve already picked my favourite, please keep your fingers crossed (starred?) for Stacey Solomon.
She did a great performance of Dusty Springfield’s Son of a Preacherman and again, as over the past few weeks, she’s received criticism by Simon Cowell that, I think, was not always necessarily justified. Sooooooo, a little bit of googling helped me to understand the dynamics behind this. Guess who’s patrilineal?
Therefore, Stacey, just pretend Simon Cowell’s a Jewish mother. He must nag.

However, before I start musing about how Simon Cowell would look in a fitted black outfit, I rather suggest you watch Stacey’s performance:

How else to explain his recent interview with Anna Baltzer and Mustafa Barghouti? Clearly Stewart wanted in on the whole peace, love and understanding thing going on over at the J Street conference, so he invited the very telegenic Anna Baltzer, author of the book Witness in Palestine: journal of a Jewish American woman in the occupied territories and the granddaughter of Holocaust refugees. Which of course gives her a greater insight into the truth. But I digress. Mustafa Barghouti was a candidate for the Presidency of the Palestine Authority in 2005, finishing second to Mahmoud Abbas, with 19.8% of the vote. Barghouti was also Minister of Information in the short-lived Palestinian unity government of March-June 2007 where his greatest accomplishment was effectively killing off Farfour the Mouse, ahead of legal action by the Disney Corporation. He is currently the General Secretary of the Palestinian National Initiative, a political party that seeks to further political reform, eliminate corruption while supporting peace with Israel based on two states with a Palestinian state in all territory occupied by Israel in the 1967 Middle East war, a capital in Arab East Jerusalem and rights for refugees.

What’s noteworthy is that Baltzer is more anti-Israel than Barghouti, who does not come off as anti-Israel at all. While voicing strong support for non-violent resistance and the BDS movement, she could not, after being repeatedly asked by Stewart, say that she supported the right of the State of Israel to exist. Barghouti on the other hand, had no problem stating his recognition of this right, although his relatively moderate views haven’t helped him much with the electorate and while he is respected, he’s basically nobody. In fact, so is Baltzer. Her book is 3 years old and she makes a living because certain audiences can’t get enough of Jews with Holocaust survivor parents or grandparents talking about what a shitty country Israel is. Baltzer, who is a graduate of Columbia University and a Fulbright Scholar, is basically a “hot babe” version of failed academic Norman Finkelstein. Much, much easier on the eyes, but just as one sided, intellectually dishonest, fundamentally flawed and kind of demented. Barghouti seems like a very nice, sincere man but like Baltzer, he exists on the fringes, with little or no support amongst his constituents.

So why invite these two to The Daily Show? Because of the J Street zeitgeist and because it might lead to a partnership that could result in “a hilarious buddy cop movie.” Sigh. The extended segments from the Daily Show can be viewed after the bump. That means click on the “more” link dummy.

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With special guests Girls In Trouble

Our little buddy Eli Valley is performing with JDub Records’ Sway Machinery in a show that will (somehow) combine Sway Machinery’s punk-and-blues-infused cantorial music and Valley’s abrasive, fiercely secular, diasporist cartoons (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I seriously have no idea how this is going to go down, but I am certain it will be something worth experiencing. Sway Machinery is this crazy all-star collective featuring guitarist Jeremiah Lockwood of Balkan Beat Box, Brian Chase of the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s on drums, Stuart Bogie and Jordan McLean of the Antibalas horn section on tenor saxophone and trumpet respectively, and touring member of the Arcade Fire Colin Stetson on bass saxophone. Bad ass right? Check out the video of Sway Machinery in action:

…and if you go, do me a favor. Just one little favor. Would you please for fuck’s sake dance??

Also on the bill is yet another JDub Records act, Girls in Trouble. Fronted by violinist Alicia Jo Rabins, all I can say is be prepared to be impressed.

Anyhow, the show is taking place at Joe’s Pub, located at 425 Lafayette in New York (duh) and you can order tickets online by clicking here. All that bad assedness is only $15 – so don’t be a cheap bastard. Go and give Eli Valley a big fat kiss from me and all the Zionists. The show is presented by The Forward and the Foundation for Jewish Culture.

While everyone was busy with the Presidential Conference in Israel or CMJ in New York, I decided to check out Efrat Gosh at the JCC, which was co-sponsored by Dor Chadash (why they only sent out a promo email the morning of, I may never know). I have been enamored by this adorable burst of energy since 2006 when I first heard songs off her self-titled debut album on Israeli radio and saw what she could do on the music channel.

Another album and three years later, I had the opportunity to catch Gosh (with her equally adorable and talented pianist) for her first performance in the States.  Dressed impeccably to match her cabaret style, I don’t think 3/4 of the audience knew what to expect (note: until they shouted requests for her final song).

While live her voice had a more – for lack of a better word – Kermit sound than when recorded, she won over the crowd completely when she belted out a tune sans mic.  I know because I heard a “pshhh” from a woman in the front.

After proving her vocal skills, Gosh showed us she could dance as well with a sexy semi-choreographed routine that “looked simpler than it was” and required her to kick off her black sequined heels.  Aside from Gosh’s ability to carry a note for a lengthy bit of time, I really enjoyed the third or fourth song where the line that stood out most was תן לי כח לבכות – give me strength to cry.

After she was well into her set, Gosh performed a sweet and sultry rendition of “You Were Always on my Mind,” apologizing in advance for fumbling on the only English song of the night.  Her performance was an aural and visual delight, as she sang sat on the stage floor, adding a dramatic effect even though it was plain to see that the lyrics were on the floor next to her.

Ending the evening with the upbeat “Moadon Rikudim” Gosh demanded that everyone get out of their seats to dance along with her in typical fashion.  A true entertainer, Efrat Gosh is still the girl to watch.  Check her out for upcoming performances in Boston and D.C. on her US tour.

Sigh.

Never let it be said that we’re not uh… responsive to our readers’ demands. Amy Winehouse has two new friends and she’s been showing them off all over London and the press. The new boob job reportedly cost $56,000 – I have no idea how breast augmentation surgery can cost that much – and came at the tail end of a tumultuous year for pop crooner. Winehouse divorced her loser husband Blake Fielder-Civil and has reportedly recovered from substance abuse problems that have been plaguing her for years.

Frankly, I don’t really care about Winehouse’s boobs. I’m pleased as punch that she’s healthy and hoping against hope that this now means that her collaboration with Mark Ronson to produce a holiday album of Chanukah songs is back on track. We can do without the Christmas songs though. Yay!

If froylein can write a post about Iceland that has nothing to do with anything Jewish then so can I! Well, bagels are Jewish but these bagel head guys are not deformed – this is merely the latest Japanese body modification trend.

“The look is accomplished through the use of a saline solution drip, which is injected at your local tattoo/piercing shop by a professional piercer. The injection causes massive swelling, which can then be molded and pressed into the shape of your choosing… Naturally, the Japanese chose the logical shape of a bagel… Thankfully, the bagels only last for one night before your body gobbles up the saline solution and your skin returns to normal. Still, possible side effects include headache, infection, stretched skin, the inability to wear a hat and getting laughed at by everyone who looks at you.”

Trendsters in Tokyo and Osaka also inject saline into their butts and boobs! For more pics and details regarding this bizarre, made in Canada trend check out this article in the aptly named Bizarre Magazine.

Thanks Heeb. Thanks a lot.

Anonymous Jewlicious writer Wendy In Furs sent me a post from her blackberry that was so incoherent that I simply could not publish it. At least not in its entirety. Wendy attended the New York city debut of Terry Poison last Thursday night. Terry Poison is an Israeli band we’ve pimped SO hard that I may as well slap them around, inject heroin in their veins, take all their money and then pass them off for our friends to use as they wish, if you know what I mean. Terry Poison was performing at a CMJ Showcase event, sponsored in part by Heeb Magazine. I told Wendy to go and report back. She responded with her usual snark “Heeb sponsoring an Israeli band?! I see the Zionists are already reaping the rewards of David Kelsey’s trip to Israel. I hope they won’t be singing about draining swamps and shit.” Here’s a video of a recent performance by the band:

The parts of Wendy’s post I can publish are as follows:

Lead singer Louise Kahn is so fucking hot it’s no wonder she made aliyah from Norway because the whole country would have melted otherwise. She’s like Marilyn Monroe, Madonna and Courtney Love rolled up into one except she is sexier than Marilyn, kicks Madonna’s bony ass and is more bruised than Love. And she rocks harder than all of them times a bazillion … Musically, Sivan ‘Petite’ Meller, who shares vocals with Kahn, is the perfect foil to her onstage histrionics. Sexually, she makes me seriously reconsider my otherwise well established heterosexuality … in fact they’re all so fucking hot it was all I could do to not jump onstage and … this is not the swamp draining Israel. Terry Poison represents that part of Israel that produces world class stuff. And the only people who give a shit that they’re Jewish are the Europeans. Fuck them and the Armada they rode in…

It only gets worst. Clearly, Wendy needs to lay off the … whatever it was she was on. I blame Terry Poison. And Heeb.

Terry Poison is apparently playing another show in New York on Sunday. The Terry Poison Web site has them playing the Highline Ballroom but the Highline Ballroom Web site makes no mention of the show. Someone in NYC call them up and let us know. Wendy’s still too wasted to be of any use at all. Also, feel free to read Orit Arfa’s interview with Louise Kahn after their performance at LA fashion Week. When she’s not shamelessly plugging the Gap, Orit does some pretty good work! Even the video wasn’t that bad.

Yes. Yes she can. Sort of.

We know that Sarah Silverman managed to win Florida for Obama by encouraging young Jews to shchlep to their grandparents there and convince them that he wasn’t a crypto-Muslim hell bent on imposing Shariah law in the US. Drunk on her success, she has now moved on to a bigger project – namely, ending world hunger by selling the Vatican and using the proceeds to that end. Here, watch her pitch:

Miss Silverman throws in some inducement to the Catholic Church – if they sell the Vatican and feed the world, we the Jews will forget about the Church’s woeful Holocaust record and the Catholic Church in turn will receive lots of uhm… pussy. But let’s be realistic. How likely is it that the Vatican will be sold? And who would even buy it? Bill Gates? George Soros? No, sorry Sarah. Totally unrealistic.

I do however have another idea. Recently it was reported that a Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel sex tape has surfaced. Photos are being slowly leaked, but really? I don’t want to see them. The mere thought of Jimmy Kimmel naked makes my stomach turn, to say the least. So here’s the deal Sarah. Find the tape. Destroy it and make sure it never sees the light of day. Then find Jimmy Kimmel and have a chat with him and his new girlfriend, Jimmy Kimmel Live! Staff writer Molly McNearney, and have him sign a legally binding document promising to never make a sex tape ever again. Ever. Or else something horrible will happen to him like we’ll feed his testicles to piranhas.

You do that Sarah. Save us all from the sight of a sweaty, hairy, naked, humping Kimmel and I guarantee you that a grateful world will reward you by supporting any cause you choose. Like ending world hunger. Or for fucking once finding you someone appropriate to date already! I mean really Sarah. Rob Huebel? Really? Really???

Confession #1: I’m blogging this post almost two days later than I’d promised CK to.

Confession #2: I’ve got a weak spot for British auditioning shows. The contestants seem either more talented or more entertaining than anywhere else.

On this year’s “The X-factor”, Stacey Solomon has made it to the finals. Stacey’s a 20-year-old single mum from Essex. Our research department has confirmed that she, indeed, is a Jewess, and that the spelling “Soloman” of her last name is, indeed, a typo.

As I was watching Stacey’s audition on YouTube the other day, I was amazed by how adorable Stacey is and not at at all like her JAPpy peers in that she pairs real talent – she even managed to make a Coldplay song sound good on the last show – with a heart-warming, shy cuteness.

Here’s the clip of Stacey’s audition:

Here’s Stacey’s fan page.

The finals are aired on live TV at ITV next weekend.

Best of luck to Stacey from your newly found fan on Jewlicious!

Update: Commenter Matthew has brought to our attention that Stacey’s brother has put together a new, official website for his sister.

Today, U.S. President Barack Obama won the Nobel Prize for Peace. According to the Nobel Committee, he was awarded the prize for “his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”

I find this interesting. As CK puts it, “[even though] I’m not a right wing fascist like you are, I’m a little bit surprised.” (No, I’m not a right wing fascist). But, here’s the thing, I believe that the Nobel prize ought to be awarded for great things. For example, this year’s Nobel Prize for chemistry being awarded to Ada Yonath was right on the mark. But Obama? Now don’t ge me wrong, this is not a bash Obama piece. But what has Obama done in his less than one year as President to warrant a Nobel Prize? Has he brought peace to he Middle East? No. Has he stopped Iran’s nuclear ambitions and prevented them from gaining nuclear weapons? No. Has he perhaps brought peace and security to the AfPak border? No, (though he has called for increased Taliban participation in the Afghani government). So what has he done? Yes, he made some nice European-like overtures; he spoke kindly to the international Muslim community, he has been harder on Israel than his predecessor, he’s made some semi-hard handed comments to Iran. But what has he done? Let’s be honest – nothing.

Thank you Nobel Prize Committee for awarding the most ridiculous Nobel Prize for Peace since 1994, when you awarded one to the terrorist leader Yasser Arafat. Well done and kudos!

Soulico’s latest album, Exotic on the Speaker is available for purchase starting today. It features collaborations with some amazing Israeli and international artists like Ghostface Killah, Lyrics Born, Onili, Rebel Sun (from Coolooloosh) and more. This isn’t me doing JDub Records a favor. Sure they advertise on Jewlicious every once in a while. I’m also not posting this just because Soulico performed at the Jewlicious Festival a few years back. No. I’m posting this because ever since JDub sent me the mp3s of this album, I can’t stop listening to it. Soulico objectively kicks ass-they have outdone themselves. But don’t take my word for it. Support these deserving Israeli artists and buy Exotic on the Speaker. Then you can tell me I’m full of shit. Go ahead. I’m not going anywhere.

There is an funny story about how I came to be in this skit with Triumph, on the Chabad Telethon, and then on Conan. Enough to say that God has a great sense of humor, Robert Smigle is a comic genius, and I am not sure that I should get an agent just yet.

The Triumph skit that we did on for the telethon was then recut and put on Conan Friday night in honor of Rosh Hashanah, and that is what you see above. Have you voted tonight for Jewlicious ?

We’re not really good at contests here at Jewlicious. We just give stuff away and we don’t ask you to do silly things like write a soul searching essay or eat hot dogs or send us naked photos of your girlfriend (Though feel free to do so anyway). So what do we have to give away today? Well… I guess the title of this post gave it away. Here’s the trailer, details of our lame-o contest after the bump.

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My friend, and high-school buddy Brett Berk writes a car column, Stick Shift, for Vanity Fair online. When I started thinking about how to replace my old car, I figured he is the one to ask. Brett directed me to a bunch of cars, and we still have not figured out what I should drive. So Brett wrote this entertaining column, What Should a Rabbi Drive for Vanityfair.com, about our quest, and you can vote at the end for which wheels you think I should be piloting.

He needed to find a new car, a quest that offered Stick Shift an irresistible opportunity, seeing as how Rosh Hashanah—my people’s New Year—and the start of the 2010 automotive model year both begin tomorrow. New year: new car; they go together like kishka and kuggel. So good Yom Tov and L’Shanah Tovah. Now let’s get the Rebbe a ride.

Good girls have a ‘thing’ for bad boys.   Danny Zuko, Johnny Castle, Maverick, and Wolverine … Edward Cullen for you younger girls out there… Writers create them, Actors embody them and good girls fall for them.  They have perfectly coiffed hair, leather jackets, an inner conflict, a sensitive side and a seriously sexy streak. Good girls want to go bad (thanks Cobra Star Ship…) with them and want to fix them at the same time.

In one of the most classic bad boy movies of the 80s, good Jewish girl Frances ‘Baby’ Houseman falls in love with South Philly’s Johnny Castle – the dance instructor at the Catskills resort where the Houseman family is vacationing. Some conflicts & Dirty Dancing later…Johnny says one of the most quoted movie lines – ‘Nobody puts Baby in the corner’.  Daddy’s girls all around the world swooned. We’re all looking for that bad boy with a sensitive side to stand up to yet respect our fathers. And he can dance (and sing! Did you know, Swayze sang She’s Like the Wind for the Dirty Dancing soundtrack?).

Well, we good girls have lost a quintessential bad boy – Patrick Swayze.  Tonight, Patrick lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. He has played so many bad boys – from Daryl in The Outsiders to Dalton in Road House, Bohdi in Point Break to Barker in The Beast… But to so many good girls (and bad girls) he will always be Johnny Castle (and a little bit Sam Wheat – the purest soul in Ghost).

Sorry. What am I? Fucking 12 years old or something? No. You don’t in fact have cooties. I don’t even know what cooties are. Man. A generous interpretation would be that I am writing this in a fit of whimsy! Why? Because after watching the latest interview on Leadel.net with Tel Aviv musician Kutiman, I am addicted…

Ya gotts ta check out Kutiman’s YouTube musical alchemy project Thru You where he takes otherwise banal musical video clips from YouTube, many shot in drab, North American Suburban basements or bedrooms and magically transforms them into wicked ass grooves. I am sure the women at Hadassah are bumpin’ booties to “The Mother of All Funk Chords” as we speak! Kutiman also fronts the Kutiman Orchestra which includes the amazing MC Karolina and you better believe next time they perform in my neck of the woods, I’m a be there.

Nope. This isn’t about a free Birthright Israel trip (although registration for winter begins Sept. 8th and you can go with us – more info here), or any kind of flashy contest with cool prizes. The Ticket to Jerusalem Project is a simple concept, really. All you have to do is create any kind of artwork called “Ticket To Jerusalem”. Do it on a thick horizontal piece of paper, 8×3″ (20×8 cm), the size of conventional airplane ticket or boarding pass. Attach a stamp, add a return address and mail it WITHOUT an envelope to: Radik Shvarts, PO Box 245614, Brooklyn, NY, 11224, USA. The project deadline is January 1st, 2010 and all entries will posted online. Most of them will also be exhibited internationally and featured in a book titled “Ticket To Jerusalem” that will be published in 2010. Every person, whose artwork is featured in the book will get a free copy.

That’s it! So far the site features a pretty eclectic collection of 41 pieces of ticket art and, and… I don’t know what to say. It’s kind of sweet because there seems to be no underlying political message. No one’s trying to sell you anything, it’s just this very whimsical thing that is a pure celebration of creativity. OK so it is sponsored by the UJA Federation of New York, and COJECO (a central coordinating body in the Russian Jewish community of NY that works towards successul integration of Russian Jews into American Jewish life) but so what? Good on them for being involved in something that’s this much… fun!

And a Jewlicious/Heeb Magazine Giveaway!
From September 13, 2009 to February 07, 2010, the Jewish Museum is putting on an exhibit titled Reinventing Ritual: Contemporary Art and Design for Jewish Life. The exhibition is described as a multi-disciplinary survey of “the explosion of new Jewish rituals, art, and objects that has occurred since the mid-1990s. This period is defined by the urge to discover beauty and meaning in first premises–the roots and ruptures–when ritual could be radical. This attitude of innovation is shared by a wide range of artists inclusive of generation, nationality, and religion. Contemporary artists and designers focus on Judaism as a lived experience by transforming the physical acts of ritual into new forms.”

Sounds interesting? It sure is! The list of participating artists is impressive (including Karim Rashid a personal fave) and the concept is intriguing.

OK. Enough with the artsy fartsy stuff. This post isn’t about expanding your cultural horizons. It’s about shaking your booty and getting your groove on at the very exclusive, very hip opening party sponsored by Heeb Magazine, Los Generales Tequila and featuring music by DJ Rite Sed Jed. The event will take place Monday, Sept. 14 2009 at The Jewish Museum at 1109 5th Ave. at 92nd St. Wanna go? Call 212.423.3267 to find out if you even can OR… send me an email! I’m ck at jewlicious dot com and between right now and Thursday at noon EST I’ll give 3 lucky couples who email me thusly, free passes to the opening. Rub shoulders with fancy shmancy museum people! Lubricate your scintillating conversation with free tequila! Also I have been assured by the folks at Heeb that there will be no jackboots or burnt cookies involved. because that would be wrong. Yup. Very, very wrong!

New Matisyahu Album is now out: LIGHT. Purchase information available here!

And now just to switch it up a little, how about Matisyahu and the crystal Method?

Crazy…

And already she has prevented a sabbath violation!

So I’m sitting at a place called Tarrantino on Hillel and the paper near me (Yediot) reports that Madonna landed last night at Ben Gurion. Accompanied by her kids and a large posse, Esther plans on visiting Jerusalem prior to her two shows at Park Hayarkon in Tel Aviv on Tuesday and Wednesday. Yediot reports that her crew was already in town last week to build the stage for the shows. However, Madonna insisted that all work cease Friday night so as to avoid a violation of the Sabbath. OK, all that kabbalah junk aside, see? Madonna is more Jewish than you are. Heh. Shavuah tov Madge. Break a leg. Tuesday’s show is sold out but some tickets are still available for the next day’s show with prices starting at 490 NIS (about $125).

Last night, I had a group date. It was a rough start, but had a satisfying ending. You could call it a win. Due to scheduling, it was the first time since we were introduced that I was able to see this guy. I had mixed emotions when I first heard about him: He had spent time in jail. He’s bankrupt. He can be a little sloppy.  But he can score. Did I mention, he’s not Jewish?

My mom doesn’t like him so much. My dad says, ‘we’ll see’. I’m still not sure how it’ll all turn out. I’ve been disappointed in the past.

No… not another Jdate fiasco. I’m talking about my relationship with The Eagles. And who is “he”? Michael Vick.  In last night’s preseason game, he went in for 6 plays in the first quarter, 4 for 4 completed passes for 19 yards.  He managed to get Akers in range for a field goal, but overall… kind of a disappointing start to his first season out of prison. And, I’m not sure if I’m proud or horrified that all 10 Eagles fans that showed up to the game actually gave Vick a standing ovation. He killed dogs for money and amusement. But is he a good Quarterback? He was. The rest remains to be seen. 

And this is the struggle of a Philadelphia fan – Animal Cruelty vs. Making Plays. Because without that first field goal, we might not have won 33-32. And what’s more important to a Philly fan than winning? Certainly not our dignity or compassion for other living things.  The questions that Vick’s signing has raised are valid – how much stock do we place in our Sports Heroes? Baseball players who use steroids; Basketball stars accused of rape; football players shooting themselves or others, getting arrested for DUIs, running dog fighting rings. What’s a nice Jewish kid to do? Maybe it’s time to put away the sports trading cards and return to Heroes of the Torah cards instead.  It’s a good thing we can now find and recognize our own Jewish heroes. But I digress…

So the date didn’t go exactly as I’d hoped. But a Win is a Win. I’m still nervous – is this another T.O.-like disaster in the making? Could be.  Might I end up disappointed? Possibly.  But will I see him again? Definitely.

There has been speculation since the dawn of the rise in popularity of the hit show Mad Men, that the show’s resident heart throb and protagonist, Don Draper is in fact Jewish. Since not much is known about Draper’s past, the rumors continue to ebb and flow. Season 1 had Don paired in a rather serious dalliance with a Jewish heiress to a successful retail chain. While the jokes and cultural bites ensued, it didn’t seem to get us any closer in revealing Draper’s potentially semitic routes.

So in this vein, I’d like to scribe a ditty on the theme of “What If…” In this case, relating to Don Draper being a Jew (Read the title of this post, people!). Hey, if Beyonce can make everyone in the universe question  if [she] was a boy and sprout herself a new identity practically overnight, Don Draper can sit at the Shabbos table, say the motzi, and break bread over Manischewitz. Don’t see the correlation? Reinvention! That, and I think these bullet points would be far more effective if sung to the theme of “If I Were a Boy.”

If Don Draper were a Jew…

• He’d still be married to his shiksa wife, Betty. Let’s face it. She’s every Jewish boy’s wet dream. And yes, it makes us Jewish girls a bit verklempt to say that.
• He’d feel a bit guiltier about his infidelities and go kvetch to his rabbi and unload his guilt more often. In fact, he’d be so wrought with guilt, there’s a potential he might not be able to get it up. In which case, they’d have had to rewrite all of the show and come up with at least 20 minutes of new material, per episode.
• He’d go to such great lengths to hide his Jewishness that he might be guilty of making the worst anti-semitic slurs at his ad agency, Sterling Cooper, just to overcompensate. Well, that, and he wouldn’t be having the extra-marital affairs to offset all his angst, just fueling the fire.
• He’d fantasize about Joan more often – She’s the comely, fiery broad in the office with all the right curves and just the right amount of cynicism to make her razor-sharp retorts that much more stinging. Of course, some of Don’s fantasies would involve her telling him what to do and a strap-on.
• He’d drink far less alcohol and spend less time inebriated but he might still act drunk just to keep up appearances with his work buddies. He’d keep an extra fridge in his office under his desk for the extra hummus that he illegally imports. This is the 60s after all. Hummus is his secret vice…and something he could never readily explain away to his pedantic peers. This also helps to explain why he often smells of garlic and chickpeas.

Lastly, can someone from FunnyorDie.com contact me about my idea to do a video short on this theme? I have some pretty bitchin’ ideas about this. And it’s gotta be better than the Alicia Silverstone – Alanis Morissette short, however cute they both may be.

Mad Men airs on AMC at 10 PM ET on Sundays. For a teaser of the Mad Men Season 3 premiere, go here.

Yeah. Sorry y’all. I’ve been listening to this track by Shemspeed artist Eprhyme so much that I totally neglected to post it. I suck. But do let me know what you think of the vid!

You like that white boy? Buy the album here or get it on ITunes.

New York International Fringe Festival Comedy Sex and the Holy Land

One cannot ignore the correlation between sex and Israel that exists in the hearts and loins of the tens of thousands of parentally unsupervised diaspora youth that visit Israel every year. Many will explore the hills, valleys and bodies of water that dot the country while engaging in a similar exploration of each others bodies. Many will note the sheer sexiness of the terrain and the sun kissed people that inhabit it. A good number of diaspora women will have, uh… physical interactions with refreshingly forward Israelis, though a much smaller number of diaspora men will be so fortunate (Israeli women don’t tend to be very attracted to boyish, soft in the middle Jewish guys). Thus it is no surprise that Sex and the Holy Land, a play opening at the New York International Fringe Festival this week is focused on the adventures of Lili, a female protagonist. A similar play focusing on a guy’s adventures would read as follows: “Tried to get with soldier chick. Fail. Tried to get with girl medic. Fail. Tried to get with bartender girl. Fail. Finally got with that slut from Fresno who wanted to cheat on her boyfriend. Bitchin!” Yeah. Boring right? But from a woman’s perspective? Hotness. And funny too apparently.

From their press release:

SEX AND THE HOLY LAND is the tale of Lili’s plunge into a stereotype-shattering sexploration of Israel. Her two best friends and a string of Middle Eastern men lead Lili out of enslavement by the Greek Chorus of Jewish Mothers ruling in her mind. It is a coming of age comedy about liberation, religion, and love… Marking 23-year-old playwright Melanie Zoey Weinstein’s New York debut, SEX AND THE HOLY LAND was inspired by Weinstein’s study abroad experience in Tel Aviv in Spring 2007, following the Second Lebanon War. “It was a time of disillusionment and questioning for myself and many of my friends,” said Weinstein. “We were experiencing Israel for the first time as adults outside of the Jewish institutions in which we were raised.”

Sex and the Holy Land will be performed 5 times at the New York International Fringe Festival starting August 18. If you go see it, let us know what you think!