… of how long I’ve wanted to post this particular song on Jewlicious if only just to see the typical suspects whine about my bad influence on their otherwise splendidly isolated cultural self-concept. Now, the British X-factor has given me an occasion to post that track for good reason.

Ha!

Even though I’m not quite certain how this contest is structured as I already expected the finals to be weeks back, and actually, I don’t care at all as I’ve already picked my favourite, please keep your fingers crossed (starred?) for Stacey Solomon.
She did a great performance of Dusty Springfield’s Son of a Preacherman and again, as over the past few weeks, she’s received criticism by Simon Cowell that, I think, was not always necessarily justified. Sooooooo, a little bit of googling helped me to understand the dynamics behind this. Guess who’s patrilineal?
Therefore, Stacey, just pretend Simon Cowell’s a Jewish mother. He must nag.

However, before I start musing about how Simon Cowell would look in a fitted black outfit, I rather suggest you watch Stacey’s performance:

How else to explain his recent interview with Anna Baltzer and Mustafa Barghouti? Clearly Stewart wanted in on the whole peace, love and understanding thing going on over at the J Street conference, so he invited the very telegenic Anna Baltzer, author of the book Witness in Palestine: journal of a Jewish American woman in the occupied territories and the granddaughter of Holocaust refugees. Which of course gives her a greater insight into the truth. But I digress. Mustafa Barghouti was a candidate for the Presidency of the Palestine Authority in 2005, finishing second to Mahmoud Abbas, with 19.8% of the vote. Barghouti was also Minister of Information in the short-lived Palestinian unity government of March-June 2007 where his greatest accomplishment was effectively killing off Farfour the Mouse, ahead of legal action by the Disney Corporation. He is currently the General Secretary of the Palestinian National Initiative, a political party that seeks to further political reform, eliminate corruption while supporting peace with Israel based on two states with a Palestinian state in all territory occupied by Israel in the 1967 Middle East war, a capital in Arab East Jerusalem and rights for refugees.

What’s noteworthy is that Baltzer is more anti-Israel than Barghouti, who does not come off as anti-Israel at all. While voicing strong support for non-violent resistance and the BDS movement, she could not, after being repeatedly asked by Stewart, say that she supported the right of the State of Israel to exist. Barghouti on the other hand, had no problem stating his recognition of this right, although his relatively moderate views haven’t helped him much with the electorate and while he is respected, he’s basically nobody. In fact, so is Baltzer. Her book is 3 years old and she makes a living because certain audiences can’t get enough of Jews with Holocaust survivor parents or grandparents talking about what a shitty country Israel is. Baltzer, who is a graduate of Columbia University and a Fulbright Scholar, is basically a “hot babe” version of failed academic Norman Finkelstein. Much, much easier on the eyes, but just as one sided, intellectually dishonest, fundamentally flawed and kind of demented. Barghouti seems like a very nice, sincere man but like Baltzer, he exists on the fringes, with little or no support amongst his constituents.

So why invite these two to The Daily Show? Because of the J Street zeitgeist and because it might lead to a partnership that could result in “a hilarious buddy cop movie.” Sigh. The extended segments from the Daily Show can be viewed after the bump. That means click on the “more” link dummy.

Here’s Part I:

Here’s Part II:

With special guests Girls In Trouble

2 Panels from Photo Stroll, Eli Valley's most recent cartoon

Our little buddy Eli Valley is performing with JDub Records’ Sway Machinery in a show that will (somehow) combine Sway Machinery’s punk-and-blues-infused cantorial music and Valley’s abrasive, fiercely secular, diasporist cartoons (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I seriously have no idea how this is going to go down, but I am certain it will be something worth experiencing. Sway Machinery is this crazy all-star collective featuring guitarist Jeremiah Lockwood of Balkan Beat Box, Brian Chase of the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s on drums, Stuart Bogie and Jordan McLean of the Antibalas horn section on tenor saxophone and trumpet respectively, and touring member of the Arcade Fire Colin Stetson on bass saxophone. Bad ass right? Check out the video of Sway Machinery in action:

…and if you go, do me a favor. Just one little favor. Would you please for fuck’s sake dance??

Also on the bill is yet another JDub Records act, Girls in Trouble. Fronted by violinist Alicia Jo Rabins, all I can say is be prepared to be impressed.

Anyhow, the show is taking place at Joe’s Pub, located at 425 Lafayette in New York (duh) and you can order tickets online by clicking here. All that bad assedness is only $15 – so don’t be a cheap bastard. Go and give Eli Valley a big fat kiss from me and all the Zionists. The show is presented by The Forward and the Foundation for Jewish Culture.

While everyone was busy with the Presidential Conference in Israel or CMJ in New York, I decided to check out Efrat Gosh at the JCC, which was co-sponsored by Dor Chadash (why they only sent out a promo email the morning of, I may never know). I have been enamored by this adorable burst of energy since 2006 when I first heard songs off her self-titled debut album on Israeli radio and saw what she could do on the music channel.

Another album and three years later, I had the opportunity to catch Gosh (with her equally adorable and talented pianist) for her first performance in the States.  Dressed impeccably to match her cabaret style, I don’t think 3/4 of the audience knew what to expect (note: until they shouted requests for her final song).

While live her voice had a more – for lack of a better word – Kermit sound than when recorded, she won over the crowd completely when she belted out a tune sans mic.  I know because I heard a “pshhh” from a woman in the front.

After proving her vocal skills, Gosh showed us she could dance as well with a sexy semi-choreographed routine that “looked simpler than it was” and required her to kick off her black sequined heels.  Aside from Gosh’s ability to carry a note for a lengthy bit of time, I really enjoyed the third or fourth song where the line that stood out most was תן לי כח לבכות – give me strength to cry.

After she was well into her set, Gosh performed a sweet and sultry rendition of “You Were Always on my Mind,” apologizing in advance for fumbling on the only English song of the night.  Her performance was an aural and visual delight, as she sang sat on the stage floor, adding a dramatic effect even though it was plain to see that the lyrics were on the floor next to her.

Ending the evening with the upbeat “Moadon Rikudim” Gosh demanded that everyone get out of their seats to dance along with her in typical fashion.  A true entertainer, Efrat Gosh is still the girl to watch.  Check her out for upcoming performances in Boston and D.C. on her US tour.

Sigh.

There you go boys.

Frankly, I don’t really care about Winehouse’s boobs. I’m pleased as punch that she’s healthy and hoping against hope that this now means that her collaboration with Mark Ronson to produce a holiday album of Chanukah songs is back on track. We can do without the Christmas songs though. Yay!

If froylein can write a post about Iceland that has nothing to do with anything Jewish then so can I! Well, bagels are Jewish but these bagel head guys are not deformed – this is merely the latest Japanese body modification trend.

“The look is accomplished through the use of a saline solution drip, which is injected at your local tattoo/piercing shop by a professional piercer. The injection causes massive swelling, which can then be molded and pressed into the shape of your choosing… Naturally, the Japanese chose the logical shape of a bagel… Thankfully, the bagels only last for one night before your body gobbles up the saline solution and your skin returns to normal. Still, possible side effects include headache, infection, stretched skin, the inability to wear a hat and getting laughed at by everyone who looks at you.”

Trendsters in Tokyo and Osaka also inject saline into their butts and boobs! For more pics and details regarding this bizarre, made in Canada trend check out this article in the aptly named Bizarre Magazine.

Thanks Heeb. Thanks a lot.

Anonymous Jewlicious writer Wendy In Furs sent me a post from her blackberry that was so incoherent that I simply could not publish it. At least not in its entirety. Wendy attended the New York city debut of Terry Poison last Thursday night. Terry Poison is an Israeli band we’ve pimped SO hard that I may as well slap them around, inject heroin in their veins, take all their money and then pass them off for our friends to use as they wish, if you know what I mean. Terry Poison was performing at a CMJ Showcase event, sponsored in part by Heeb Magazine. I told Wendy to go and report back. She responded with her usual snark “Heeb sponsoring an Israeli band?! I see the Zionists are already reaping the rewards of David Kelsey’s trip to Israel. I hope they won’t be singing about draining swamps and shit.” Here’s a video of a recent performance by the band:

The parts of Wendy’s post I can publish are as follows:

Lead singer Louise Kahn is so fucking hot it’s no wonder she made aliyah from Norway because the whole country would have melted otherwise. She’s like Marilyn Monroe, Madonna and Courtney Love rolled up into one except she is sexier than Marilyn, kicks Madonna’s bony ass and is more bruised than Love. And she rocks harder than all of them times a bazillion … Musically, Sivan ‘Petite’ Meller, who shares vocals with Kahn, is the perfect foil to her onstage histrionics. Sexually, she makes me seriously reconsider my otherwise well established heterosexuality … in fact they’re all so fucking hot it was all I could do to not jump onstage and … this is not the swamp draining Israel. Terry Poison represents that part of Israel that produces world class stuff. And the only people who give a shit that they’re Jewish are the Europeans. Fuck them and the Armada they rode in…

It only gets worst. Clearly, Wendy needs to lay off the … whatever it was she was on. I blame Terry Poison. And Heeb.

Terry Poison is apparently playing another show in New York on Sunday. The Terry Poison Web site has them playing the Highline Ballroom but the Highline Ballroom Web site makes no mention of the show. Someone in NYC call them up and let us know. Wendy’s still too wasted to be of any use at all. Also, feel free to read Orit Arfa’s interview with Louise Kahn after their performance at LA fashion Week. When she’s not shamelessly plugging the Gap, Orit does some pretty good work! Even the video wasn’t that bad.

Yes. Yes she can. Sort of.

We know that Sarah Silverman managed to win Florida for Obama by encouraging young Jews to shchlep to their grandparents there and convince them that he wasn’t a crypto-Muslim hell bent on imposing Shariah law in the US. Drunk on her success, she has now moved on to a bigger project – namely, ending world hunger by selling the Vatican and using the proceeds to that end. Here, watch her pitch:

Miss Silverman throws in some inducement to the Catholic Church – if they sell the Vatican and feed the world, we the Jews will forget about the Church’s woeful Holocaust record and the Catholic Church in turn will receive lots of uhm… pussy. But let’s be realistic. How likely is it that the Vatican will be sold? And who would even buy it? Bill Gates? George Soros? No, sorry Sarah. Totally unrealistic.

I do however have another idea. Recently it was reported that a Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel sex tape has surfaced. Photos are being slowly leaked, but really? I don’t want to see them. The mere thought of Jimmy Kimmel naked makes my stomach turn, to say the least. So here’s the deal Sarah. Find the tape. Destroy it and make sure it never sees the light of day. Then find Jimmy Kimmel and have a chat with him and his new girlfriend, Jimmy Kimmel Live! Staff writer Molly McNearney, and have him sign a legally binding document promising to never make a sex tape ever again. Ever. Or else something horrible will happen to him like we’ll feed his testicles to piranhas.

You do that Sarah. Save us all from the sight of a sweaty, hairy, naked, humping Kimmel and I guarantee you that a grateful world will reward you by supporting any cause you choose. Like ending world hunger. Or for fucking once finding you someone appropriate to date already! I mean really Sarah. Rob Huebel? Really? Really???

Confession #1: I’m blogging this post almost two days later than I’d promised CK to.

Confession #2: I’ve got a weak spot for British auditioning shows. The contestants seem either more talented or more entertaining than anywhere else.

On this year’s “The X-factor”, Stacey Solomon has made it to the finals. Stacey’s a 20-year-old single mum from Essex. Our research department has confirmed that she, indeed, is a Jewess, and that the spelling “Soloman” of her last name is, indeed, a typo.

As I was watching Stacey’s audition on YouTube the other day, I was amazed by how adorable Stacey is and not at at all like her JAPpy peers in that she pairs real talent – she even managed to make a Coldplay song sound good on the last show – with a heart-warming, shy cuteness.

Here’s the clip of Stacey’s audition:

Here’s Stacey’s fan page.

The finals are aired on live TV at ITV next weekend.

Best of luck to Stacey from your newly found fan on Jewlicious!

Update: Commenter Matthew has brought to our attention that Stacey’s brother has put together a new, official website for his sister.

Today, U.S. President Barack Obama won the Nobel Prize for Peace. According to the Nobel Committee, he was awarded the prize for “his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”

I find this interesting. As CK puts it, “[even though] I’m not a right wing fascist like you are, I’m a little bit surprised.” (No, I’m not a right wing fascist). But, here’s the thing, I believe that the Nobel prize ought to be awarded for great things. For example, this year’s Nobel Prize for chemistry being awarded to Ada Yonath was right on the mark. But Obama? Now don’t ge me wrong, this is not a bash Obama piece. But what has Obama done in his less than one year as President to warrant a Nobel Prize? Has he brought peace to he Middle East? No. Has he stopped Iran’s nuclear ambitions and prevented them from gaining nuclear weapons? No. Has he perhaps brought peace and security to the AfPak border? No, (though he has called for increased Taliban participation in the Afghani government). So what has he done? Yes, he made some nice European-like overtures; he spoke kindly to the international Muslim community, he has been harder on Israel than his predecessor, he’s made some semi-hard handed comments to Iran. But what has he done? Let’s be honest – nothing.

Thank you Nobel Prize Committee for awarding the most ridiculous Nobel Prize for Peace since 1994, when you awarded one to the terrorist leader Yasser Arafat. Well done and kudos!