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Why I’m Not Married: Part One

Why “Part One”? Because I’m sensin’ a series.

For some reason, I seem to get a lot of mail telling me why I’m not married. Sure, most of it is spam, urging me to check out “Chryztina and her hottt friends on their brand new webcam,” but sometimes, an email comes in that enlightens me in a whole new way.

Today’s email brought me this gospel: I’m too dang liberal. And I won’t date Republicans. And it’s not just me, it’s all Jewish women. No! In fact, it’s all single women.

Attention Single Jewish Women, the article’s title announces:

In fact, attention all single women who want to marry. Do you know why you wonderful ladies are still alone most nights? Because, in general today, the idea of dating a conservative, God forbid Republican male, is the equivalent of dating a chimpanzee!

As most men mature, they tend to depart from the secular college brainwash, based on 1960’s liberalism, and become somewhat more conservative. The macho caveman DNA starts to break down the indoctrinated feminization of the well educated male. Men are forced to go out into the real world to become corporate hunters, especially if they eventually plan to have a family.

Women are totally different, despite what elite college professors believe about the similar natures of men and women. As women get older they become more liberal, until they wed. Single men generally go towards the right, while single women head left; another one of God’s little tricks to make the mating process more complex.

Want proof? Me too! Let’s go to the experts in Jewish demographic data collection: JDate.

These results can be proven in real life by studying any of the most popular dating websites of the day; the present Jewish favorite being www.Jdate.com. With the exception of a majority of Orthodox women, virtually every woman’s political viewpoint in her “dating profile” is liberal or left.

Very interesting. So what are all poor, single female Democrats to do? Maybe we should just give into our natural reaction to being boyfriendlessness and resort to our standby mancatching techniques/comforts/indulgences: plastic surgery, expensive vacations, salon visits or shoe shopping.

So a little advice to all you single Jewish and non Jewish women who would like to get married. Forget the major cosmetic surgery, new hairstyle, Manolo Blahnik shoes, Club Med jaunts and new wardrobe. [Oh, crap. –EDK.] Just rethink your politics and world view, and perhaps a honeymoon will become a much greater possibility

“Perhaps”? “A much greater possibility”? You mean, all I have to do is change the way I think, and I’m not even guaranteed a honeymoon?? I think they call that “plausible deniability.” Or a “disclaimer.”

46 Comments

  1. ck

    4/28/2005 at 12:28 am

    Thank you Esther for making me read one of the most pathetic and insipid articles I have ever had the misfortune of clicking to. I can look forward to my deathbed where I’ll be thinking “I want my 3 minutes back.” I have no qualms stating that in my humble opinion Irwin N. Graulich is a complete idiot. And you know what? I am not even going to attempt to justify my position for despite my liberal politics, I feel very Alpha male tonight. Irwin N. Graulich in fact, can blow me.

    What a pathetic attempt to either belittle those he disagrees with or to attempt to convert those weak minded enough to lend credence to his idioticly smug and self-righteous harrangue. I mean believe what you want to believe, I don’t care – left wing, right wing, anarchist whatever – but please, spare me this patheticly crap socio-political analysis! Do not blame the Democrats if you can’t get laid Irwin!

    Feh.

  2. shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 1:00 am

    Actually, while Irwin N. Graulich may be annoying, I’ve found that my male friends (including myself) have slid to the Right as they’ve aged. But I’ve got some news for Mr Graulich…I don’t remember politics being a major factor for any of their decisions when it came to date/marry.

    However if she’s wealthy….

  3. T_M

    4/28/2005 at 1:23 am

    That’s right! Politics has nothing to do with dating. But even a Republican who can cook will find a bride. 😆

  4. shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 1:28 am

    I’d have trouble dating an ISM volunteer though.

  5. ck

    4/28/2005 at 1:45 am

    I don’t think you’d have any trouble dating an ISM volunteer shtreimel. Everyone knows ISM girls are easy …

    Or so I’ve heard.

  6. shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 2:39 am

    Cute CK. I’m sure GM’s gushing.

  7. Mirty

    4/28/2005 at 8:10 am

    Well, I found a Democrat through JDate. But maybe you have to take the Republican guys and brainwash them.

  8. Greatest Grandest Grandmuffti

    4/28/2005 at 11:20 am

    Errr…why would GM be gushing?

  9. Tom Morrissey

    4/28/2005 at 12:11 pm

    From a purely hormonal point of view, a Red State-Blue State couple could be just the thing. Nothing like a little anxiety, conflict, even a scarcely-concealed mutual loathing, to heat things up in the bedroom!

    Think ‘Swept Away’ (the original, not the Madonna re-make).

  10. T_M

    4/28/2005 at 12:43 pm

    Thankfully, I’ve never seen the Madonna version. The original, however, I have seen a number of times and want to point out that in the end the Republican chick leaves the Democrat dude.

  11. jsirpicco

    4/28/2005 at 1:26 pm

    okay, I’m back and waiting or Esther and Shtreimel to have nervous breakdowns because of my comments, but JSIRPICCO will not flinch from controversy!

    Guess what: Politics has NOTHING NO-THING at all to do with who your marriage partner is or should be. period. end of story.

    jsirpicco over and out. I Hath Spoken!

  12. Esther

    4/28/2005 at 1:43 pm

    Umm, Sirpicco? Disagreement isn’t the same thing as “having nervous breakdowns.” Besides, in this case, we don’t disagree. Of all the things that have been issues in my relationships, politics was never one of them.

  13. shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 1:53 pm

    jsirpicoo,

    Part me a sea, any sea, and then use I Hath. Until then, you’ll be worm food like the rest of us slobs.

  14. Greatest Grandest Grandmuffti

    4/28/2005 at 2:44 pm

    OH NO! JSIRPICCO IS BACK! MUFFTI IS FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!

  15. jsirpicco

    4/28/2005 at 3:06 pm

    What is this – a team up of Esther, Grand Mufti ( I thought you were my friend, too, of the three of you…) and shtreimel…against me…

    Like, what’s so terrible that I make my comments? I don’t get you guys…what I do see, is this blog is purely “for our friends only,” which means, okay, you guys are friends and know each other “in the real world,” and anyone who tries to add comments to don’t fit with your view of the world or who “writes at you sideways,” gets the full treatment…

    And, you ALL take me WAY TOO SERIOUSLY….

    what happened to jewish unity?
    I’m crying real tears here…real tears…

    jsirpicco wept.

  16. Eleanor Roosevelt

    4/28/2005 at 3:09 pm

    His manner is not sparkling, but what he is attempting to say is not without some validity and interest. Everybody knows a conservative is a liberal with a daughter in high school. Maybe that works backwards. Maybe the only way to get a daughter in high school is to cease to be (at least a Rachel Corrie worshipping, flaming) liberal? This is ME talking, Eleanor. I think we should keep the Roosevelt era social net stuff, of course, without necessarily having to have Ter-ay-za Heinz for First Lady. That’s MY chair, and she just wasn’t good enough to sit in it! The Bush woman is. I like the way she buys her make up at Duane Reade instead of Bonwits. It’s all too complicated to explain, but you ought to think about this chap’s remark. There is something in it. The men have to deal with a lot of stuff Rachel Corrie never had to deal with because her parents took care of her and paid her way every place. A woman can be to the left of her husband but not ten thousand miles to the left of him. Leftists either have tons and tons and tons and tons of money or very, very little. Unless you have big bucks in your family, are you willing to support a man who has too many lefty principles to actually put on a tie (oh horror!) and earn some money making deals (oh horror!) so he can take you to movies, or the maternity ward in a cab? It can be tough to take the bus when one is in labor, because one’s anti-capitalist husband cannot afford a cab. Think about it. Capitalism is obviously what works, anyway. With some Roosevelt-era liberalism thrown in, of which I am very proud.

  17. texasmensch

    4/28/2005 at 3:10 pm

    Why is it that all of these left/democratic Jewesses want to marry a liberal guy who is rich. It don’t work like that. You get two choices, you can either marry a poor guy who is liberal (think DAs office) or a rich guy who is conservative (think investment banker, corporate lawyer).

    You just don’t get the choice to be a teacher who drivers a Beemer. You cannot be the soccer Mom who goes on fancy vacations if you marry a liberal guy. Choose one.

    Unless you are rich, very hot, or are a chef. All bets are off then.

  18. jsirpicco

    4/28/2005 at 3:13 pm

    you go, girl!
    go eleanor! go, eleanor!
    jsirpicco doth smileth!

  19. ck

    4/28/2005 at 3:17 pm

    jsirpicco dude! I don’t know you. I don’t know deathpig and I son’t know the lovely and witty Eleanor Roosevelt. But by all means DO NOT STOP commenting! Yer blog is funny, you are funny and we’d be all the poorer without it/you.

    I mean yeah, we’ll take the piss outta you. But you know, you haven’t been accepted into the Jewlicious fold until one of the insiders calls ya a thin skinned whiny-assed little bitch. So welcome to the family my friend! Sit down, take your shoes off, have some tea with Eleanor, play some Grand Theft Auto with Muffti and stay a while … ya thin skinned whiny-assed little bitch.

  20. jsirpicco

    4/28/2005 at 3:21 pm

    after the porzac sets in, then MAYBE!

  21. T_M

    4/28/2005 at 3:49 pm

    People, you have to be a dumbass to think that liberals or Democrats are either very rich or very poor. They cut across all socio-economic lines. In fact, if I look hard at the map and check to see who voted for Bush et al, I betcha I’d find a ton of people who are about to be royally screwed with this new bankruptcy bill passed by their preferred representatives.

    Maybe Graulich can’t get laid? Could it be that he’s not that smart or desirable? I mean, if this article is any indication…

    Oh, and jsirpicco, you’re a thin skinned whiny-assed little bitch.

  22. Esther

    4/28/2005 at 3:57 pm

    Eleanor, I buy my makeup at Duane Reade…does that mean I’m a Republican and I didn’t even know it?

    Jsirpicco, I don’t understand why you’re so upset…didn’t I say in my comment that I agreed with you? Is that why you’re crying? From joy?

    “You haven’t been accepted into the Jewlicious fold until you’ve been called a whiny-assed little bitch.”
    I can vouch for this. Stick around, and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to merit being called a “‘tard” as well. And then, there will be much rejoicing. (Yay.)

    Tell all the aliens from the Planet Porzac that I say hello.

  23. T_M

    4/28/2005 at 3:59 pm

    What is Duane Reade? What is Bonwits?

  24. Jack

    4/28/2005 at 4:20 pm

    This guy is an idiot. I have yet to read a column by his that makes sense or is based upon logic and reason.

  25. Anne

    4/28/2005 at 4:31 pm

    I thought Bonwit-Teller closed down years ago. Fancy department store, corner of 5th and 54th in New York, next to Tiffany’s.

    As for guys and dating habits, the makeover and plastic surgery will always get you further than changing your party affiliation. It’s not your voting habits that hang out of your camisole.

  26. Shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 4:43 pm

    Jsirpicco,

    In order to get into a gang, one must endure an initiation beating. Muffti gave me mine, now your getting yours. The source/energy of the beating comes from:

    a) too much time on our hands
    b) the ability to use a blog to insult someone to tears, w/o worrying about getting spat on
    c) trying to impress Suicide Girls

    Other than that, we’re blogging. We’re all geeky losers. And what’s wrong with that?

  27. T_M

    4/28/2005 at 5:10 pm

    Shtreimel, I would have preferred it had you called me cute.

  28. Shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 5:30 pm

    TM,

    From the about page, all I can say about you is that your…ice cold.

  29. Janice

    4/28/2005 at 7:09 pm

    Okay, back to the issue now. How important is politics in choosing a life partner? That’s what all of this comes down to, really. The author is spinning a theory that the reason why more women can’t get married is because of their wrong, not “right,” political leanings.

    Personally, my mother has a first cousin who considered herself a democrat, but she married a republican. The joke in their family was that their votes cancelled each other’s out on election day. He got appointed to a lot of judge-ships in California and eventually became a State Supreme Court judge (all appointed by Ronald Reagan). The marriage lasted over 50 years, obviously because they had many other things in common.

    Professionally, I hear how singles reject other singles if they don’t share the same zeal for physical activity or healthy eating habits, for example. Diverse musical and movie tastes have been deal-breakers too.

    Why Esther isn’t married is clear — she’s too good for any of the males she meets, and that’s because she spends too much time on the internet blogging, so all she ends up “meeting” are bloggers. No, really, I don’t know why she isn’t married, but I know her and I think she totally rocks. Email me if you want me to introduce you to her.

    Why aren’t other single women married? Well, it’s mostly because they adhere to the Hollywood media stereotype of what constitutes “love.” You know, “love at first sight” and “the Prince Charming myth.” Single men and women are looking to experience that “click” with someone signifying instant chemistry, and believe that it is the road to a lasting and enduring relationship. WRONG!! According to Harville Hendrix, PhD, the author of “Getting the Love You Want,” the notion of romantic love is the height of unconsciousness. He claims that the expectation to “click” immediately with another person is actually the unconscious looking for a surrogate parent figure. If a single’s main dating goal is to experience that “click,” which is often called and confused with “chemistry,” then s/he runs the risk of choosing someone like one or both parents, expecting that the partner then love them as the parent never did.

    The best way for singles to find love, and eventually marry, is to focus on getting to know someone on a deep level. This is what the rabbis Shimon Apisdorf and Nachum Braverman say in their book “The Death of Cupid.” They define “love” as “a deeply pleasurable emotion that grows out of identifying beauty, virtue and strength of character in another human being.” that chemistry follows getting to know someone on the inside; but if you experience chemistry first, then it’s important to channel it in order to get to know someone’s “beauty, virtue and strength of character.” This can be especially challenging as relationships involve many big decisions that are frequently difficult to make on your own. Dating and relationship coaches can help singles make healthy relationship decisions, so that they aren’t investing any more of their time and energy in a relationship that starts out with a bang, but ends up in a painful fizzle.

  30. life (over IP)

    4/28/2005 at 7:17 pm

    A new theory of spinsterhood
    Esther writes at Jewlicious that an email today told her that her continued status as a SJF is not due to looks or brains, but due to her continued liberalism. Apparently, it is accurate that, by and large, as…

  31. Grandmuffti

    4/28/2005 at 7:34 pm

    Oh, Shtremiel…it’s so cute that you think the initiation beating is over 🙂

    And Janice, of course there is love at first sight. And a click. If only it didn’t happen so goddamned often with different people 🙂

  32. jsirpicco

    4/28/2005 at 7:35 pm

    At the risk of being called skinny etc. Jsirpicco has already told the world why women remain single! (See previous beatings by shtreimele)…

    Janice is okay – but boy you sure type a lot!
    As for the rest of ya – yeah, you’ve got too much time on your hands…are there any NORMAL people in the blogoshpere? Jsirpicco has important things to do if not!

  33. shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 8:39 pm

    “And Janice, of course there is love at first sight. And a click. If only it didn’t happen so goddamned often with different people :)”

    Seriously Muffti, that’s what I figured out at 31’ish. My current relationship (by far the most healthy and satisfying) didn’t start out with fireworks. But due to my past mistakes (and a greater understanding of moi), I took risks when my brain was going: “There’s no sparks, run”. Anyway, I thank God I didn’t run. She’s a great girl, and she likes Tarantulas. See how lucky I am?

  34. Grandmuffti

    4/28/2005 at 8:48 pm

    Yeah, Muffti has always wanted a girl that likes tarantulas. Boy are you lucky…

    Muffti is happy in love. Muffti is happy being single. So much for your morose philosopher theory 😉

  35. shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 9:07 pm

    GM,

    Let’s write that script…and during breaks, we can jam on Metallica songs

  36. Grandmuffti

    4/28/2005 at 9:21 pm

    How could Muffti refuse an offer like that? Shtremiel, you’re the woman Muffti’s always dreamed of.

  37. shtreimel

    4/28/2005 at 9:25 pm

    I’ve got nice legs, but they’re hairy

  38. Grandmuffti

    4/28/2005 at 9:37 pm

    Well, Janice tells Muffti not to expect everything to be perfect at first…

  39. D

    4/29/2005 at 2:41 pm

    I’m not marriend because I’m still working on my career and have no meney. Although many people have a hard tim eunderstanding that for some odd reason.

  40. D

    4/29/2005 at 2:43 pm

    …AND I hate politics so it has nothing to do with marraige.

  41. Esther

    5/2/2005 at 3:45 pm

    I forgot to thank Dr. J. for all the nice things she said about me. But blogging’s been very good to me, which is why I spend so much time with him. I mean, it.

    All I meet are bloggers? I met a love coach once, too. And through that meeting I ended up flying high on a business trip to California, my first time on the west coast in fifteen years. Is it so unreasonable to think that someday I might meet someone special through this medium, as well?

  42. nerdgirl

    5/5/2005 at 10:30 pm

    oh my, this has been a hoot….

    ok, i’m b’nei noah (half a ger), but single at 46 and liberal. but! i’m a department of defense electronics engineer (the “token liberal”, more of a moderate, really) and my boyfriend’s a union pipefitter. so where’s the big bucks, eh? and yes, in my personal ad i put that the Fox News fanatics probably wouldn’t last long in my house without a good smacking by my boffer sword. or the nearest shipping tube. they have similar effects.

    the reason i’ve never been married? moving around the country, going back to school, that’s probably why. i figured a guy wouldn’t want to trail me around 9 years of engineering school (part and full time, BS & MS, widely separated) so i wasn’t looking during that time. but i’ve led an interesting life up to now.

    cool thread and keep up the silliness! and let’s hear it for men that go for brains! (though i do fill a camisole right smartly..)

    nerdgirl

  43. T_M

    5/6/2005 at 1:56 am

    Hmmm, we need pics now, don’t we?

  44. Walter

    9/29/2006 at 6:33 pm

    Most of my friends are low status Jewish men. Some of us are quite right wing and the others pretend to be liberal. However, we all resolved our issues with Jewish women, as we all have Asian and mostly Filipina wives. We tried dating Jewish women and as a result ended up marrying our goyiha besherts late. Low status right wingers for the most part are caste out from the Jewish community. There is enough status snobbery amongst the modern orthodox as well. I go to a non-egalitarian shul very regularly with a few of the low status forced to intermarry right wing men. We know why I could not marry jewish, but the liberals? You would think that a low status liberal Jewish man can marry a Jewish Beatnic or artist type. Lets not listen to what liberal jewish men say but watch what they do. They marry out too. Albeit, not all, but way too many of our women have incorporated: nastiness, entitlement and a detachment from reality as an attraction. Jewish women and Jewish girlie man have mutated into a seperate creed. An aggressive conversion policy towards Gentile women is imperitive. These are the women our men have to marry.

  45. Walter

    9/29/2006 at 6:43 pm

    A survey should be done emploing the Law of Large Numbers. What drives Jewish men, even those o us who love and/or practice Judaism from Jewish women. there is a reaosn that we are marrying out in droves. those that try to marry Jewish women waste ime and have bad experiences. those that are wise enough to do an end run, marry timely albeit interfaith. then our people have enough girliemen to go around. They are marrying skiksas too. You would think that they would like left wing jewish women, but they don’t.

  46. jeannie

    11/27/2011 at 12:01 pm

    All political ranting, amateur psycho jibberish; wisdom buried in the sands of time accurately whisper woman is a sex object; has always been, will be, forever.

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