You know the line. It’s been the start of countless conversations. “Men and women can’t be friends, because the sex thing always gets in the way.”
Lately, I’ve been wondering if that’s also the case in the shomer negiah world, if powerful attraction between a man and a woman means the same sort of inner turmoil, self-doubt and bubbling cauldron of hormones and swirling emotions that it means for those who are not shomer negiah. Now, we’ve got an inside source. And the preliminary answer seems to still be yes: even when there’s no sex to be had, the “sex thing” always gets in the way.
With various tips of the hat to Bloghead, Ren Reb and others, I can tell you that Nice Jewish Girl is definitely worth checking out. She’s been posting for about two months, and is candidly–and beautifully–documenting her struggle to reconcile her sexuality, her faith and her commitment to being shomer negiah in a world that doesn’t always respect or encourage sexual abstinence.
You see, once someone has gone through so much time being S.N., then anything I might do with a man I was dating becomes much, much more important. The first man I kiss, for me it will be like what having sex for the first time is for some other women. For me it will be very significant. Iâ€™m not going to waste that on someone Iâ€™ve only met a few times.
Sometimes it is not about sex I fantasize about but rather about affection, and I fantasize about holding a manâ€™s hand when I am walking around outside. I will go places for Shabbos and secretly envision a man who loves me sitting next to me at the Shabbos table. I just want him to be there.
You go, Nice Jewish Girl. You may feel conflicted, but you’re a stronger woman than most. And therefore, by the power only recently vested in me, I hereby proclaim you “Jewlicious.”