If you are anything like me, you hate pretty much all Israeli t-shirt designs that you see at Shuk HaKarmel.   I think the one I hate the most is

No direct object or adverb to say HOW Uzi does it! Or whom he does it to.

Don’t worry.  Benji Lovitt, from What War Zone,   is remedying the situation by selling his own wittily-captioned t-shirts based on some content from his blog and Israeli life in general, which you can buy here and which are wittier than anything currently available on Ben Yehuda.  I should take this opportunity to mention that Benji is my favorite Israeli comedian, aside from Avigdor Lieberman.

My favorite shirt is this one :

Yihyeh B'seder, Bernie Madoff! (no, it doesn't actually say Bernie Madoff. Just implied.)

But he has a bunch of great shirts available, so check them out and support!

]]> http://www.jewlicious.com/2009/11/chumus-larious-t-shirts-from-benji-lovitt/feed/ 0 http://www.jewlicious.com/2009/11/oh-syria/ http://www.jewlicious.com/2009/11/oh-syria/#comments Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:41:58 +0000 dahlia http://www.jewlicious.com/?p=11412

“Resistance of the occupation is a national duty and to support it is a moral and legal duty…and an honor which we are proud of,” said Syrian Prime Minister Bashar al-Assad at the Commercial Cooperation of the Organization of the Islamic Conference, currently being held in Istanbul. Though, resistance to whom, one might ask. After all, when the Muslim Brotherhood tried to “resist” Syrian rule, tried to assassinate Hafez al-Assad in Damascus, killed a number of  ‘Alawi military Generals, and declared the town of Hama to be an independent Muslim state, Assad surrounded the town with artillery, and bombed the city for 11 day, killing 38,000 people. Clearly, that type of resistance is frowned upon. So let us clarify Assad’s statement: resisting Israel is honorable.

But, such a statement, blatant and in the open is not politically correct for a nation which is attempting to make friends in the West. Therefore, Assad mentioned Syria’s “continuing desire for the realization of just and comprehensive peace on the basis of the return of the occupied territories, especially the occupied Syrian Golan.” What this really means is, “if Israel gives us back the Golan Heights, and establishes a Palestinian State, which really has nothing to do with us or our national interests, we would be inclined to sign a peace treaty with Israel, which would act as a semi-long term cease fire agreement, but include definite borders instead of cease-fire lines.”

Yet, Syria, somehow, missed the mark. You see, for a peace to exist both parties have to accept that the other one has a right to exist. If not, there cannot be peace but rather a secession of war. Assad went on to say that the core problem in the Middle East is “the Zionist occupation” [which] “we must begin to work to eliminate.” Note his terminology. Assad did NOT say “the Israeli occupation of the West Bank.” Rather, he said “the Zionist occupation.” What does this minor difference mean? Well, while the former refers to the territory of the West Bank being occupied, the later refers to all of Palestine, including Israel, as being occupied by Zionists. He then says that this entity’s occupation ought to be eliminated. So, Israel is at the heart of all problems in the Middle East and ought to be eliminated. In short, if one party is calling for the destruction of the other, they aren’t really calling for peace.

Does this sound like an arm extended in peace and friendship? I didn’t think so.

Last Friday, friends and relatives of Australian Jewish Philanthropist Richard Pratt gathered in Jaffa, to commemorate in words, music and dance, the life of a man who had touched so many. Pratt, who passed away last April, was Australia’s 4th wealthiest man. His Pratt Foundation helped support over 350 projects in Israel, from education to integration, from culture to health. You can read all about the event in this article in Haaretz.

Pratt first came to my attention a few years ago after his foundation decided to support my buddy and ROI alum Jeremy Hulsh’s Oleh Records, an organization dedicated to supporting Israeli artists gaining access to audiences abroad. Jeremy clued me into the awesome video above that is super cute and also allows one to see the width and breadth of the Pratt Foundation’s work in Israel. Mr. Pratt may be gone, but his legacy lives on and he won’t easily be forgotten.

Today at 5:00 PM Brandeis University hosted Richard Goldstone and Dore Gold to discuss the Goldstone Report.

Well Dore Gold, Israel’s former ambassador to the UN and probably one of the primary intellectuals whose ideas influence Israel’s current government, bumped into a South African Jewish judge by the name of Richard Goldstone. The icy body language and the stern look on Gold’s face told half the story – there is a deep and profound anger among those who love and care deeply about Israel towards Goldstone and what he has, wittingly or unwittingly, wrought upon Israel.

There were a couple of things that stood out for me in the discussion. The first was that Goldstone’s report was indeed colored, tainted actually, by his palpable anger at Israel for not cooperating with him or letting him visit with his commission in an official capacity. It may even be pettiness, but he seemed to relish saying over and over that had Israel participated, then the report would likely have been different.

Along those lines, however, not only is it troubling that such a damaging report was written with some immature petulance at the key accused in the report, but it was even more troubling when Goldstone suggested that his report would have been different had the Israeli government supplied the same information that Gold provided in his presentation today.

This is exceptionally troubling because most of what Gold said was publicly available information. For example, he showed the clip from Colonel Kemp saying that Israel had fought a war that more than any other war in history sought safety for civilians. Kemp had made himself available to the commission which had no interest in hearing him. The speech he gave at the UNHRC hearing about the Goldstone Report, however, was first given three months ago and is available in full on the internet. So, for that matter, are the Hamas speeches shown by Gold. So are the maps by Israel of how the Palestinians organized their preparations for the upcoming war. Is Goldstone actually saying they couldn’t do some research on the internet?

Gold also spoke about how the scale of destruction that so affected Goldstone, which may have been misleading because about 20% of the houses in some neighborhoods had been booby-trapped by Hamas. In one stunning moment, he mentioned that the IDF has no record of attacking the mosque that according to Goldstone was attacked in daylight while worshippers were inside. The IDF says it has no record of this attack. If the IDF can prove this, that alone would undermine the credibility of this report permanently.

Also troubling was that Goldstone has clearly not thought through the implications of his report. When asked how Israel could fight wars where the enemy is embedded in civilian centers, he recommended commando raids. Great idea! Except for the possibility of capture by Palestinians that increases exponentially. Goldstone is familiar with what happens to Israeli captives and even took credit for bringing up Gilad Shalit. Does he think that a few more Israeli soldiers in Palestinian captivity for years without any Red Cross visits will help anybody? The short of it is that he doesn’t have a clue about how to fight a war like this with the limitations he has placed on Israel.

Dore Gold stressed that one of the key reasons this report is flawed is that it is the product of a UN full of bias toward Israel, which he called a minority state because it has no bloc to protect it. He acknowledged that the US helps Israel in the UN, but compared that to the automatic votes other countries can garner because of these blocs. He stressed the partiality of the UN Human Rights Commission and the absolute chutzpah of calling into question Israel’s abilities to investigate itself. Goldstone tried to rebuff by claiming the IDF should not be investigating itself and the absence of real convictions to date indicates their investigations are not meaningful. Gold bristled at this and twice spoke about how there are other bodies in Israel that also have authority to investigate Israeli conduct.

More than anything, this was a sad, sad event. Goldstone has put Israel in a difficult corner and those of us who see the many flaws with the report, flaws that undermine any objective reader’s assessment of this work, are outraged and deeply saddened by this report, its implications and its consequences.

Here are questions I’d like to ask Richard Goldstone:

- Why did you agree to work for a UN body that you acknowledge is anti-Israel?

- Why did you agree to do so when the country in question is Israel?

- Why did you not consider that your Zionism and Jewish faith made you an ideal candidate to ward off the criticism that a report from this tainted body would justifiably encounter?

- Why do you believe it’s fair to critique the validity of IDF investigations, but it’s reasonable for your committee to bring aboard people who accused Israel of war crimes before the commission ever met or had evidence presented?

- Why did you permit Israel’s refusal to collaborate with your mission, that was sent by this tainted UN body, to color your views as displayed in your constant complaints about this?

- Why did you accept testimonies from people that your own report acknowledges may have been intimidated?

- Why did you not research using readily available material such as videos, maps, images, speeches and even the Israeli government’s own materials, all of which are readily and easily available on the internet?

- Why have your comments about the report differed when addressing a Jewish audience and other audiences, as can be seen in your Forward interview? There you dicount the actual legal meaning of the report, which is very different than the claims made in the report or claims you have made since the report’s publication in other media outlets?

- Since you claim to have identified that Hamas was playing a “shrewd” game with their claim that the political body doesn’t have a connection with their military body, why did you trust anything that involved them or people who might be influenced or scared by them?

- Why do you provide leniency to Hamas and their crimes by using soft language and avoiding mention of them in lieu of using “armed groups” to deflect their responsibility?

- How is it conceivable that in a report such as this, where you claim the mandate was modified at your behest to investigate both sides, that you would deny or equivocate the accusations against Hamas that it used civilian areas and installations to conduct this war?

- How could you do so when there is available evidence in the public statements and speeches of Hamas leaders?

- Considering that you now know information you claim you didn’t have before, why have you not backtracked on any of your claims?

- When the UNHRC made a mockery of your report – and especially of your claim that the mandate of the commission had been changed – by planning to vote on a document about the report which charged Israel at length but did not mention the Palestinian crimes, why did you simply express your disappointment and agree to a neutral addition to the language which still did not mention the Palestinians or Hamas?

Very sad.

Tomorrow evening, just before sunset, Jerusalem will be the site of what may very well be a very momentous occasion – Rabbi Sharon Brous’ Los Angeles Ikar Congregation is opening a little annex here in Jerusalem. Sort of.

Rabbi Brous, who got her smichah from the Jewish Theological Seminary, was listed (what? 3 times?) in the Forward 50 as well as in Newsweek’s 50 most Influential Rabbis in the US list. Much of that buzz has to do with exuberant and meaningful nature of the traditional/egalitarian services that she runs at Ikar.

Anyhow, called B’nei Ikar, and run out of someone’s house with a potluck afterwards, I have no idea whether this thing, oh here’s the facebook link, is even official. But still. If this gets big (they have 14 confirmed guests so far) then maybe more of these folks will stay in Israel. People always complain about the role of Orthodox Judaism in Israeli political life, and how it shuts out other streams of Judaism, and my response is “get more people who think like you to move here and have babies.” Now there’s another reason for them to do so! Shabat Shalom Angelenos! Hope you’ll stay a while!

Among the Jerusalem Post’s blog posts, there is one today by Ira Sharkansky, a Hebrew University Political Science professor, called “Why the Stalemate.” Sharkansky also posts at Shark Blog. To explain why a high ranking US official has said that the “peace process” appears to be “at an impasse,” Sharkansky suggests the following reasons:

There is no free lunch in international relations
You screw us; we’ll screw you
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” may be a spiritual ideal, but the more popular norm in international politics is the simpler one of “Do unto others.”
Israel can live well enough without solving the problem of Palestine.

The Palestinians may pride themselves in their willingness to die for their national cause, but they have committed national suicide. There will be no Palestinian state as long as key factions persist with the dreams of turning back the clock to 1967, to 1947, or to the mid-19th century before Jews began coming to this area.

Sharkansky goes on to suggest that Hamas, the Goldstone Report and Iran stand in the way of any further progress and therefore while “Israel can live well enough without solving the problem of Palestine,” the Palestinians will not gain a state any time soon.

This strikes me as the type of thinking I hear from many Israelis, both in the center and the right of the political spectrum. The consensus appears to be that Israel can continue to grow and thrive while the Palestinians continue to dither and miss opportunities to build their state.

In order to agree with this premise, one has to believe the Palestinians seek a two state solution and their own state.

They don’t.

No, the Palestinians are stalling because they believe they have entered the endgame. They believe they are closer than ever to winning the decades-old war against Israel and are launching what they believe to be a new battle in their war. They appear to believe this stage of the war will last several years, maybe a decade, but this final battle is supposed to culminate in a victory that has the international community imposing and establishing a single state from the river to the sea. That alone will create a serious challenge to the notion of a Jewish state, but the Palestinians most likely believe demographics will complete their task.

Right now, by the Palestinian count, there are around 4 million Palestinians in the Judea and Samaria/West Bank and Gaza (a count which is disputed by some, but the international community as well as many Israelis accept this number). Another 1.1 million Israeli Arabs who are not Beduin or Druze reside inside the Green Line and have Israeli citizenship. In contrast, there are about 6 million Jews living inside Israel. The Israeli birthrate stands at around 20 births/thousand while the Palestinian birthrate was at 39/1000 in 2006 but is said to have dropped to 27/1000 last year. Critically, the percentage of young Palestinians (under 18) is very high so that even if parity in population (from the sea to the river) does not occur within the next decade, the following couple of decades will probably give them a decided advantage, especially if they can vote as a bloc.

Having numeric equality or superiority is useless if the election does not include one’s population. Achieving the right to vote in Israeli elections appears to be one of the goals set out by the Palestinians. As we learned in the recently held Sixth Congress held by Fatah, the party behind the Palestinian Authority, they intend to wage an international campaign against Israel that resembles the struggle against apartheid in South Africa. That struggle ended with a white minority giving equal civic rights to their black population after the world essentially boycotted South Africa to the point where it gave up.

Unlike whites in South Africa, Jewish Israelis are the majority and the Palestinians are the minority. Also, historic ties to Israel place the Jews there well before the Palestinians arrived. These facts don’t seem to matter, the Palestinians have already begun their apartheid-style anti-Israel campaign. The Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement has received some major press coverage in recent months, including our coverage of one of the movement’s leaders, Omar Barghouti, who advocates for a boycott while studying at Tel Aviv University. One key success was the attack on the Toronto Film Festival (addressed on Jewlicious here), which may have failed to dissuade movie-goers from seeing the Israeli films being shown, but it managed to get coverage around the world for several days. The amount of publicity the BDS movement received was astounding, and most of that publicity involved equating Israel and its policies with apartheid South Africa. This is not an accident, it is a measured and well thought out strategy.

It is also not an accident that most of the signatories on the original letter to the Toronto Film Festival were either Jewish or gay with no Arabs among them. This is reminiscent of the OIC (Organiztion of Islamic Conference – the Islamic countries’ 57 nation coalition at the UN) guided UNHRC to appointing a Jewish rapporteur to report on Israel’s actions against the Palestinians, Richard Falk, and a Jewish judge to head the commission investigating Cast Lead, Goldstone. Recently Mustafa Barghouti, an eloquent Palestinian politician and former PA leadership candidate, was joined by a Jewish woman on a visit to the Daily Show. Barghouti did not need her, but her role is obvious. On campuses, one sees the same developments. The Muslim Student Association on many campuses leads the attacks against Israel and its supporters, but it’s not unusual to see Jews in visible roles within the protests. At York University in Toronto, for example, a Jesse Zimmerman was allegedly a leader in the action taken against the students hiding in the Hillel office. On the internet, some of the leading anti-Israel sites are run by Jews – Mondoweiss, JVP, Muzzlewatch, etc.

The Palestinians, however, are not only counting on the fight for establishing an international boycott of Israeli products and culture. Simultaneously, they are maintaining severe international pressure on the diplomatic front. The Goldstone Commission could not have happened without diplomatic support. In fact, the Secretary General of the OIC has bragged to Al Jazeera that they were responsible for having the Goldstone Commission appointed. Many countries in the EU are placing their relationships with the Arab world far ahead of their relationship with Israel, and both Russia and China are also keeping their toes moist in the Muslim/Arab oil wells. Similarly, on the legal front, the Palestinians continue to try to trip Israel in Europe by attempting to have Israeli officers and leading politicians arrested. It is only a matter of time before an Israeli leader gets arrested on such a visit, opening the door to a media storm, especially if he loses the case.

Demography, apartheid, diplomatic aggression, campus activism and international law are the ingredients, and time is the sauce. Time enables the Palestinians to grow in number, achieve successes on the BDS front, score diplomatic victories, put Israel in the dock, put Israeli leaders on trial, establish the idea of Israeli “apartheid” in the public’s mind and plan for the future.

The last is a key clue to what the Palestinians are doing. Salam Fayyad, the Palestinian PM, has established a two year plan for creating the infrastructure of a Palestinian state. This has been described by the Palestinians as a proactive measure intended to lay the groundwork for peace. However, they have also made it clear that if no “peace” is forthcoming, then they will take their preparations and declare a state unilaterally. While it’s doubtful they would do so, the point of the exercise is to be ready and to function like a proper government in the view of the world’s western nations. It is also, of course to place pressure on Israel because Israel would end up losing a great deal of negotiating leverage if the world accepts a new Palestinian state. Also, becoming a high contracting party gives the Palestinians some advantages they do not currently enjoy on the diplomatic and other fronts.

Along the same lines, is it no accident that Palestinian violence has diminished greatly in the West Bank and is on hold in Gaza. Certainly, Israel’s security measures have achieved success, and Cast Lead hit Hamas hard. However, it seems the Palestinians are satisfied playing the nonviolence game for a while. They consider their efforts at Bilin to be successful – sufficiently large to make a media impact and to tarnish Israel’s image, but not so large that they have to convince a large number of Palestinians to make this effort. In fact, while dozens of activists show up at Bilin, thousands of Palestinians are being trained by the Americans to fight like a proper army. Twenty five thousand Palestinian soldiers, so far. Of course, once those are trained, they will train others. Weapons are being provided by Israel and the US to help the cause.

In the meantime, Iran is arming and preparing the other Palestinians…Hamas… for future rounds against both Fatah and Israel. They are also preparing Hizbullah for a future war. Both armies have rockets that can hit Israeli civilian centers and have now tested and proven that their fighting tactics may not win the battle on the ground, but certainly win the war once the world watches the news. Obviously, arming and preparation requires time. This seems to contradict what Fatah, in the guise of the PA, is trying to do to Israel as I describe above, but it actually plays right into their goals. Both the US and Israel are so concerned about Iran’s influence and Hamas conquering the West Bank, that they fully back the training, arming and diplomatic support that Fatah receives in abundance. The more time passes, the more resources the PA gains in terms of soldiering and arms.

Time matters. Time IS the strategy and buying it is the most critical issue for the Palestinians. They know full well that there is a peace agreement on the table, first put there by Barak and then by Olmert. Their job, as they see it, is to acknowledge it, criticize it as insufficient and wait. Now they are blaming settlements, but last year when Olmert offered everything that was offered at Taba plus an international Jerusalem, they were talking to Israel while settlements were being built. Then they said “no.” Why did they refuse a very generous offer that would have established the first ever Palestinian state? According to Abbas, the “gaps were too wide,” but considering that Olmert offered over the limit of what Israel will ever offer again, this was just an excuse. The “gaps” weren’t the problem. The problem was that a Palestinian state in Judea and Samaria/West Bank and Gaza is not the Palestinians’ endgame. To the same ends, we now have friction at the Temple Mount. This is not accidental and it is certainly not happening because of Israel. From the Palestinians’ point of view, some tension that pits the Israeli army against Palestinian civilians is good for publicity and for finding excuses not to discuss peace.

All this is in the hope that their other endeavors will coalesce over the next few years as Israel is pushed up against the ropes, eventually to be forced by external forces and circumstances to yield to a one state solution.

And that’s why they are stalling.

There are now two follow up posts:

The Palestinian Endgame Enters High Gear

More About the Palestinian Endgame

(Dear readers, the comments below include some interesting criticisms of this post and even many choice insults directed at yours truly. I think my responses expand on this thesis so please read on…)

According to CNN, Al-Shabab has issued a threat against Israel. Al-Shabab is the terrorist group which controls much of Somalia. It has known links to Al-Qaeda and many of its affiliate terrorist groups. Al-Shabab leaders have stated, “We will transfer and expand our fighting in the Middle East so we can defend Al Aqsa mosque from the Israelis.” The group claims that Israel is attempting to destroy the Al-Aqsa mosque (and compound?). The group, which is, also, known for its piracy activities, has claimed to have established a new unit, the “Al-Aqsa Holy Warriors” to act against Israel.

It is this author’s opinion that this group’s threats ought not be taken idly. Somalia sits strategically on the Gulf of Aden, across from Yemen. With Yemen believed to become the new Al-Qaeda headquarters, following a retreat from Afghanistan, Somalia’s position is likely to become more important, and more infused with terrorists. As such, they would be in a prime position to close down the Gulf of Aden, or more importantly, the Red Sea to Israeli shipping. Even without direct attacks on Israel’s soil, this is a most strategic threat. Moreover, given that Al-Qaeda is already known to exist in the Gaza Strip, more links cannot mean anything but trouble for Israel.

Brought to you by Leadel.net

Leadel Live – Yuli Edelstein from Leadel on Vimeo.

Are diaspora Jews at the risk of being lost? Is the emergence of alternative perspectives to Israel/diaspora relations going to be a problem or a challenge? Find out when Yuli Edelstien, Minister of Diaspora Affairs is interviewed live by Leadel.net. The interview will begin at 7:30 pm Israel time (1:30 pm EST and 10:30 am PST). Check it out!

NOTE: The broadcast is now over but you can watch the video above if you are interested in Israel/Diaspora relations and the interesting man at the helm of that process.

Hummus: The only kind of war the Lebanese can excel at?

As far as most wars go, this one’s kind of lame. The soldiers wear chef outfits instead of camouflage, the slogans are hollow (”Come and fight for your bite, you know you’re right!”) and the generals are whiny little bitches. At least in Hummus Wars, no one gets killed. Hopefully.

The Associated Press reported that a group of 300 Lebanese chefs recently broke the world record, previously held by Israel, for the largest plate of Hummus ever. Weighing in at over two tons, the accomplishment would have been one that I would have applauded had the organizers not decided to be such little bitches about it by making it a political rather than gastronomical statement.

“Lebanon is trying to win a battle against Israel by registering this new Guinness World Record and telling the whole world that hummus is a Lebanese product, its part of our traditions,” said Fady Jreissati, vice president of operations at International Fairs and Promotions group, the event’s organizer… Hummus — made from mashed chickpeas, sesame paste, olive oil, lemon juice, salt and garlic — has been eaten in the Middle East for centuries. Its exact origin is unknown, though it’s generally seen as an Arab dish… But it is also immensely popular in Israel — served in everyday meals and at many restaurants — and its popularity is growing around the globe… “If we don’t tell Israel that enough is enough, and we don’t remind the world that it’s not true that hummus is an Israeli traditional dish, they (Israelis) will keep on marketing it as their own,” he said Saturday.

Except see, while hummus may or may not be exclusively Lebanese, it’s probably an Arab dish. Given that nearly half the Jewish population of Israel is of Arab extraction, and given that Israeli Arabs have as valid a claim to hummus, there’s nothing wrong with Israel manufacturing and marketing hummus. It’s not theft or cultural misappropriation – it’s just fucking hummus. Hummus knows no boundaries! I’m tired of all the stupid comments one finds on the Internet, like on Hummus 101, the leading hummus blog, about how Israelis stole this and that food. Get over yourself Lebanon and Israel haters. People in Israel eat Arab food because that’s what we grew up on and where many of us came from. That’s it. Way to mar an otherwise brilliant and undoubtedly yummy accomplishment.

Hat tip: A certain someone in NY who is hopefully too busy getting busy to write a post.