It really does (right-click to enlarge).

This sick video is up on YouTube, and maybe it should stay there so that people see how repulsive the Westboro Baptist Church really is.

Paul, Ringo and Yoko need to sue WBC for every dime they have, with some really smart Jewish lawyers.

Hat tip to y-love for pointing this out.

ed. note: If you’re in Park Slope, NY on Saturday Sept. 26th, please show your support to Congregation Beth Elohim which is scheduled to be picketed by the members of Westboro Baptist Church. Mazal Tov to little Natalie Chertoff who will be celebrating her bat mitzva that day.
–ck

He used to be such a hottie. Funny what time and 30+years of bitter, gutwrenching hostility can do to a man, habibi.

[Sidenote: for a COMPLETE list of Middle Eastern hottie/dead leaders, see this link.]

I am concerned. Muammar Gaddafi doesn’t have a place to sleep during his stay in the United States, having been denied by the Dirty Zionist town of Englewood, New Jersey,possibly denied by Jewish conspirator Donald Trump, and turned down at a number of major New York hotels.

To help him feel a little more at home in his Bedouin tent cum traveling Ringling Brothers Flying High Top as he continues to bring the Haterade on America (and Israel), I’ve graciously come up with a list of locations should feel free to use.  You can thank me later, Mo Mo.  Preferably by giving me my own AK-47.

1.  Newark, New Jersey-Its crime rate has plummeted to only 60% shootings every day!
2.  My home hood near Susquehannah Univesity, Pennsylvania, where there’s only a slight chance he’ll get cancer
3.  Clearfield, Pennsylvania, where he could possibly choke to death/die of cholesterol poisoning from a 5 lb burger
4. Some place in New York where there is a very small chance he could get run over by an epliplectic lorry driver (WTF is a lorry?)
5.  And the most obvious place?  An actual Bedouin Tent! Granted, it’s a restaurant and probably they could stick him near the sink or something, but still.  Duh, MoMo.  Think on your feet.  How did you ever stay in power so long.  You should just hire me to do all your major decisions for you.  First decision Ouiki would make? (yes, that’s right.  There’s no V in Arabic, so you have to substitute with a U.  No wonder Lybia never got anywhere.  How retarded is that? Oueri.)

Oh Jdate – you’ve failed me in so many ways…

As you may know, I am often frustrated by stereotypes… but I can’t help but note that I’ve met my first stereotypical American Self-Hating Jew.  Often, the term Self-Hating Jew is used to describe someone who disagrees with Israel, or alternately, an anti-Semitic Jew. In this case, it describes someone who speaks of other Jews/Judaism in a negative way. In particular, a young American Jew who bought me a drink but refused the opportunity to travel to Israel on a birthright trip, who hates Jews who love Israel more than America, who is proud of his designer accessories but shames American Jews who “all dress the same”…and the list of transgressions continues… (Who talks about this stuff on a first date!?)

When talking about the date experience with family and friends, we decided that he has some deep-seeded issues with Israel & Judaism. The only “positive” things he said included: I love the high holidays, but people who talk about other people instead of praying piss me off (please note- he doesn’t attend services any other time of the year) and I refuse to buy a BMW or a Ford because of their connection to the Holocaust.

The rest of the time, he spent complaining sometimes about particular stereotypical behaviors of different groups of Jews, sometimes about anything at all. For example, all young Jewish women watch a lot of TV, including Grey’s Anatomy, or comparing a “Jewish” tattoo (ie a Hamsah or your Hebrew name…) to getting numbers tattooed on one’s arm, about how Dirty a specific group of Sephardic Jews are, or about his fear of getting blown up in Israel.  All the while, he seemed to feel safe in his confessions.  And all the while, I argued, defending Israel, defending the diversity of “Jewish Ethnicity”, defending the right to Jewish self-expression, and ultimately defending my Jewish pride and identity.

In Judaism we ask questions – it’s in our faith, in our nature. But he never stopped to ask questions or to learn. He took only the time to make snap judgments, to take things at someone else’s perception of face value and never to delve deeper into his fears about visiting Israel, or his hatred of Jews who love Israel; even his tendencies to pigeon-hole his own people as Dirty, Materialistic & Shallow. I can only hope that my reaction to his comments push him to take a serious look at himself. I know his words have driven me. And I’ll screen more carefully next time.

Maybe it’s just the fact that Tisha B’Av is winding down for me and I’m writing this in a spate of hunger/anger that rivals the Hulk’s.  But you know what I think is even more ridiculous than the fact that I’ve been craving Frappuccino/pizza/pretzels all day?  The fact that Jews can’t get married in Israel. Specifically, Russian Jews.  That made aliyah and served in the IDF and now can’t marry because the Rabbinate doesn’t recognize that they are Jewish.  And so they have to fly out of the country, and their huppah in Israel won’t count for anything.

The Orthodox rabbinate forbids a legal wedding to Olga and Nico. On Israel’s Valentine’s Day, Tu B’Av, August 4 at 7:00 PM Israel time, Nico Tarosyan will marry Olga Samosvatov. The festive public ceremony in Tel Aviv’s Dizengoff Square will promote awareness of the human cost of the Orthodox monopoly on Jewish marriage in Israel.

If you want to throw them some cash to get to Prague, where they will actually marry, or so Olga can  buy a hideous Israeli wedding dress that matches the completely hideous situation she had to go through just because she can’t get married legally in Israel,  donate some money to their flight to Prague. I, for one, am giving them $19.  Why $19?  $18 for chai. And $1 so I can pay to punch the people who make these decisions in the face.  Molodtsi, rebyata (kol hakavod) for furthering the cause.

It’s sad to be a Russian these days.  The economy is swirling away softly down the toilet, we were unable to invade Georgia successfully, and Verka Serduchka, the Russian version of Dana International, still lives among us.  The greatest misfortune Russia faces is that it has run out of Jews to oppress due to  immigration to Israel, Canada, and the Greater New York metropolitan area.

Russians are a hardy people, though.  We know how to deal with hardships and surpass them.   Thus, we are innovating by dressing up monkeys as Jews in the Nikulin Circus, the most prestigious circus in Russia.   And the monkeys had a WEDDING.  WITH A CHUPPAH.

Micky Saidov, an Israeli businessman living in Russia never would have imagined that a trip with his daughter to one of the most talked about circuses in Moscow would go from an entertaining experience to a full-blown anti-Semitic one.

During one of the Nikulin Circus skits, the performers simulated a “Jewish Wedding”, with the leading roles being filled by four monkeys, acting as the bride, groom and their parents.

That present wagon looks like really nice Crate and Barrel silverware

These are some determined monkeys.   Heck, even I didn’t want to have a chuppah, citing homegirl Golda’s reluctance to be married under one.   Unfortunately, I was informed that seeing my parents’ only child being married partisan-style may result in a litany of medical conditions for my mom, including high fever, itchy eyes, sneezing, light heart murmurs, leprosy, and Unbearable Grief.  Which, I’m sure is the same thing Mama Meyerson told G.  Anyway, back to these monkeys.

Apparently, the trainers consulted with the Jewish cultural center before they put on this show:

The monkeys’ trainer Aziz Askarian said, “We consulted with representatives of the Jewish cultural center and they approved of everything. Moveover, they gave us advice on lighting that was imported from Israel.”

I was unsure of how to react to this situation, given that A) In the past there was no cultural center and the most Russians would have consulted before making fun of Jews is the poem, “There’s no water in your hall? Then the Yids have drank it all.”  and B) It seems the skit was done in a lighthearted way.  At most, there should be a warning that goes out to Israelis living in Russia: Please do not live here if you don’t understand that Russia has always had anti-Semitic overtones.  People, this is not Ramat Gan.

So I consulted with Mr. B, who is like a wise Latina, except that he is a Wise Russian Jew.

Mr. B: a lot of that depends on the context
Mr. B: I wouldn’t be pissed if this happened in a lot of other countries in the world
me: oh come on,  it’s anti-Semitic
me: at least they could have chosen giraffes. Jewraffes?
Mr. B: however considering how [when we lived in Russia] my mom was threatened by a drunk that wanted to carve a Star of David in her forehead and the cops said it was my mom’s fault, I tend to be more sensitive to these things
me: I tend to be more sensitive to Russians dressing up monkeys as Jews
Mr. B: would it be better if it was puppets?  it’s not like they dressed the monkeys to be money lenders
me: They could have. Maybe they just didn’t feel like making the costumes.
me: They got the peyot goin’ on
Mr. B: like the article said, they imitate many people including Russians, it’s not like this act is all the monkeys do
me: That’s true.
Mr. B: if we want to move passed being pogromed, humor needs to make a come back
Mr. B: I think it’s blown a bit out of proportion.  I wouldn’t get offended if it was the Druze or something
me: cause you’re not Druze
Mr. B: so they shouldn’t do any imitation acts?
me: They can. Just not people that they tend to have killed a lot of.  I wouldn’t mind it in America.  Cause America doesn’t quite have a history of pogromming it up.  It’s still a sore issue, and I don’t know that they approached it with the right amount of caution.

Mr. B has a valid point.  But I am still uneasy with monkeys as Jews.  Maybe giraffes for now.

This is based on news articles and I have not seen any of this show, I really can’t stand Idol.

As Danielle Berrin wrote this AM in the Jewish Journal:

here’s Lambert, 27, the avant-garde rocker from San Diego with clear-eyed ambition for Hollywood fame; and Allen, 23, an evangelical Christian from Arkansas who plays acoustic guitar and does missionary work….Lambert is the dark knight. Allen, by contrast, is clean-cut and pristine looking. He wears tshirts and jeans, sings sweetly and leads worship services at New Life Church back home.

In other words it was a real American rocker vs. a gay Jewish guy that loves musicals.

But CNN was stunned:

In a stunning upset, sweet-faced Kris Allen claimed victory over glam-rocker Adam Lambert in an “American Idol” showdown that received nearly 100 million votes from viewers.

Lambert, a 27-year-old former understudy in the touring production of “Wicked,” was heavily favored as the frontrunner throughout Season Eight.

Here is a little Lambert doing the Jewish thing. Both will have huge careers. Maybe Lambert will do Jewlicious Festival?

Mohawk on Har Ha Bayit: This image has nothing to do with this post. Sue me.

You guys can’t handle long thoughtful posts apparently. So here’s a snapshot of interesting stories, though unlike twitter, I will not restrict myself to 140 characters!

1. Israel Foreign Ministry takes credit for foiling Ahmadinejad’s planned South American trip:

Thousands of Brazilians, Jews and non-Jews, demonstrated in Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro on Sunday against Ahmadinejad’s planned visit. Scheduled for Wednesday, it would have been his first stop in South America… In Sao Paulo, some 1,000 people – including secular and Orthodox Jews, as well as evangelical Christians, homosexuals and Gypsies – gathered in a major square to protest… In Rio, another 1,000 demonstrators walked along Ipanema beach carrying signs and shouting messages against terrorism, homophobia and racism.

Good job! Maybe Avigdor Lieberman isn’t a total dope? Uh… nah. No need to exaggerate. In other news, Israeli President Shimon Peres compared Ahmadinejad to Hitler in a recent meeting with US President Barack Obama.

2. A National High School Mock Trial competition has led to a real trial when an Orthodox School, Massachusetts state champs, were prevented from competing because of the organizers’ refusal to reschedule the Sabbath portion of the competition:

The students, whose school had never won a state championship in any activity, were crestfallen when told of the national scheduling problem. But they were also excited about their new role… “The idea of a mock trial being in the middle of a real legal battle is pretty cool,” said Leah Sarna, 17… Her father, Jonathan D. Sarna, a well-known professor of Jewish history at Brandeis University, said the team was learning a legal lesson about “what it means to be a minority group.”

If the Brookline kids don’t win, they can always dull their bitter disappointment, Cinco De Mayo style, with Kosher Tequila!

3. Jewish men and boys are disengaging from Reform Judaism:

It is a real phenomenon, affecting our rabbis, cantors, and educators; our teenage males. and the adult men of our community. While there are several complicated causes, one that cannot be denied is the fact that the temple culture in many locations is increasingly seen by many men as out of balance. By that, I mean it favors the needs and interests of women to such an extent that it can be perceived as ignoring men’s spiritual needs and interests.

Shocker! I’m going to shut up now.

4. Christians drilling for oil in Israel? It’s a matter of faith I guess…

“As a Christian Zionist and New Covenant believer, I received the calling to render assistance to the Jewish people and the Nation of Israel and to aid them in the restoration of the land by providing the oil and gas necessary to maintain their political and economic independence,” Brown says.

Uhm. Thanks Christians, and good luck.

5. He’s from England. He’s an atheist. His Politics are Center Left. And he strongly supports Israel (!!). Why?

Despite the minus points however, Israel is in my view, a brave, vastly misunderstood and much hated (unwarranted) living and breathing embodiment of democracy and liberty fighting tyranny and religious despotism. It’s a nation that needs our support, our good will, our understanding and our help because if we refuse, we are in fact permitting large chunks of our own values and ideals of freedom be torn apart by Islamic absolutism. We in Europe, America and the rest of the democratic world are not idle spectators to this ‘regional’ confrontation between Israel and groups like Hezbollah and Hamas, as it so often might seem; we are on the very same front line! From the Philippines to southern Russia and from the Parisian suburbs to Sudan and Nigeria there lies the same inherent danger that is facing us all, that of Islamic terrorism.

Read this well written and reasoned essay. It encompasses a blueprint for rapprochement with an important element of Western society that has, almost against all reason and logic, unnecessarily distanced itself from Israel.

6. Al-Quaeda hip-hop jihad reality TV show from Somalia:

“Mortar by mortar, shell by shell, only going to stop when I send them to hell,” the unidentified voice raps on the video, which runs at least 18 minutes… The video also shows a man reported to be Abu Mansoor al-Amriki, dubbed “The American” by al Qaeda. He apparently is now in Somalia training and counseling Somalis from North America and Europe. He speaks in American English… “Away from your family, away from our friends, away from ice, candy bars, all those things is because we’re waiting to meet the enemy,” says the man believed to be al-Amriki.

Read the article and see the video on CNN.

7. Orthodox Jewish Community Struggles with Abuse Allegations:

The Brooklyn district attorney’s office, which last month announced a hotline for alleged Orthodox sex abuse victims, says it has 19 active cases of alleged sex abuse in the borough’s Orthodox Jewish community. And advocates say the problem extends beyond Brooklyn… “If you’re a pedophile, just go to one of the orthodox communities. You’re probably safest there,” said New York State Assemblyman Dov Hikind, himself an Orthodox Jew. “It’s sad for me to say that, but it’s true.”

I don’t know if “stuggle” is the right word. Seems there’s still a lot of denial and obfuscation. Seems to me that the powers that be in these communities need to understand that the truth will always come out and that it’s MUCH less of a Chillul Hashem to openly deal with allegations of sexual abuse then it is to hide them.

8. Artistic Genius and Self Destructive behavior – Understanding Amy Winehouse by considering Jean Rhys, author of Wide Sargasso Sea:

Amy Winehouse turns her black, bewildered eyes towards the cameras and we too are bewildered. Why does she seem to want to kill herself with drugs? Is the source of her pain the source of her genius? We seem to have been asking these questions for years, as she disintegrates yet further, live on Sky News… But a superb new book has just come out that provides clues. Lilian Pizzichini has written a portrait of Jean Rhys – the patron saint of alcoholic writers. Her life was an opera of violence and self-destruction. She was helpless; she wanted to destroy herself and she did, and between the blackouts and the chaos, the occasional novel leaked out.

Boy am I glad I’m not a Female genius consumed by self loathing with a substance abuse problem…

9. Sarah Silverman wins Webby Awards!

Sarah Silverman’s plug for “The Great Schlep” — the effort to get young Jews down to Florida so that they could convice their grandparents to vote for Barack Obama — won the Webby Award for best political video. Silverman also won the best actress award — for this not-for-the-children video about her fictitious affair with actor Matt Damon.

Eishet Chayil Mi Yimtsah? Is she still dating that dope Kimmel? Oy.

10. The Greatest Jewish Resurrection Since Jesus Christ? Winona Ryder set to make a big come back:

Dazzling, rebellious and iconoclastic, she was the elfin beauty in the 1980s bratpack before her conviction for shoplifting and spectacular fall from grace. Now the star of Heathers and The Age of Innocence is returning with a batch of summer movies…

Yes. She’s Jewish. I say “Yay!”

11. I sense the apocalypse approaching – The JTA releases its list of the 100 Most Influential Jewish Twitterers. Much controversy ensues – Google it if you care. Against all reason or logic, I was ranked number 2. Good lord. Geez you guys – my entire presence on twitter is an elaborate joke!

MyJewishLearning has released the second part of what looks like an ongoing video series. The last one was titled “How Jews Look.” This video explores a little known aspect of Judaism, food. Yes, apparently Jews like to eat and how and what they eat is reflective not just of their tastes but of their Judaism. Who knew! No but seriously, it’s a cute video. Watch it!

How Jews Eat from MyJewishLearning.com on Vimeo.

Gosh! I can’t wait till they produce “How Jews Fu…” oh never mind. I’ll just pull out the Ron Jeremy videos for that.

Super Jew Nerd Einstein used his defective genes to help the world.

Jews have higher IQ’s because they were money lenders in Europe with big families, have defective genes that give them an unfair IQ advantage over their European counterparts, and have a propensity for nasty genetic diseases. Our genetic superiority makes us inferior. Yes!

In the article “Is Jewish Legacy Inscribed on Genes”, the author Karen Kaplan made little effort to deliver actual news. Rather, she let herself and the LA Times launch a mainstream, antisemitic canard that Jews’ intellectualism is racially and genetically based. In other words, we Jews can’t help being rich nerds. This so-called group evolutionary biology, loved, adored, and worshiped by the Anti-Semites, holds that Jews are racially different and capable of great evil because of their superior IQ’s over regular White Europeans. The subjects of this story are the latest pseudo-scientists that use their PhD’s in other fields to pursue this Jewish genetic racist theory. They are white, non-Jewish Christian men, with something akin to gene envy. Gregory Cochran, Jason Hardy, and Henry Harpending’s research paper Natural History of Ashkenazi Intelligence is porn for anti-Semites.

Jews first came to Europe in the 8th and 9th centuries, long before they were known for intellectual prowess, Cochran and Harpending say. They worked as traders before taking financial jobs made available by Christians who were forbidden by the Church from charging interest. By 1100, local registries listed most Ashkenazi Jews as lenders.

That set the stage for natural selection to do its work, Cochran and Harpending theorized. Jews didn’t intermarry, keeping their gene pool closed. They were subjected to periodic persecution, which kept the population from outgrowing its professional niche.

According to the theory, the smartest individuals made the most money, and the wealthiest families had the most surviving children. The genes of the most intelligent Jews spread most, slowly raising the average IQ of the entire group.

Over 40 generations — roughly 1,000 years — an increase of just 0.3 points per generation would have added up to a cumulative advantage of 12 points, Cochran and Harpending theorized. Some of their other models projected a benefit of 16 to 20 IQ points.

Certified, grade “A”, genuine Bull Sh*t. Oh sorry, that isn’t very eloquent.

Jews came to Europe almost one thousand years earlier. They were traders, artisans, and did all kinds of jobs. There were smart Jews, strong Jews, dumb Jews, persecuted Jews, converted Jews, hapless and lucky Jews. But you cannot build a unified theory of racism against Jews looking at the facts, so they make up facts, and history. The authors of the study already believed that Jews were racially inferior/superior. Then they built a theory with flimsy and non-existent evidence to back it up. They use some legitimate research to make themselves look good to the untrained eye.

You can read it here.

I looked over their bibliography and as I had suspected, they use Kevin McDonald, a disgraced, Anti-Semitic, Long Beach State professor, as a source. His book A People That Shall Dwell Alone is a antisemitic best-seller of sorts, that laid the groundwork for his racist ideology. The Department of Anthropology, at the University of Utah, where they are based, is the leading positive review of McDonald’s Book. McDonald asserts that a suite of traits that he attributes to Jews, including higher-than-average verbal intelligence and ethnocentricism, have eugenically evolved to enhance the ability of Jews to out-compete non-Jews for resources while undermining the power and self-confidence of the white majorities in Europe and America. Source.

Jews aren’t smarter or dumber. Our cultures value literacy, learning and intellectually curiosity. Sadly, the author, and the LA Times don’t.

Feel free to use your Jewish or Jew-friendly Genes to write a few love letters to the editors, publishers, the owners, and the University of Utah.

And now a word from our friend and teacher, Rav Shmuel – his video “Protocols” has been viewed over 100,000 times and counting:

I just flew from Tel Aviv to Los Angeles. I’m now in Long Beach trying to reign in this juggernaut called the Jewlicious Festival. Blogging is hard work man… so David Kelsey has offered up another one of his patented guest posts, sure to stimulate lots of conversations. Once again, the disclaimer is that while I may not necessarily agree with what he says, I support his right to say it and this is an issue that we may need to address and acknowledge. So, without further ado, take it away Duvidle:

The American economy continues to devolve, with massive unemployment and underemployment furiously ravaging the American working landscape. But while much of the rest of the U.S. is wondering how they will pay their bills, our far-Left co-religionists have decided that this is a perfect time to demand that the U.S. cease and desist raids on law-breaking employers and employees who seek to skirt the labor laws our ancestors fought so hard to enact. The name of this Jewish coalition demanding (essentially) amnesty for illegals, and for giving a free reign to employers to avoid pesky details such as security checks, minimum wage, and benefits of any sort, is named, “Progress By Pesach.”

Raids on illegal worker sites are targeted for “progress,” i.e., suspension. Raids are undesirable because they create “fear,” and are “aggressive.”

But what are the purposes of these raids, and what do they accomplish, if anything? Are they indeed “failing,” as Progress By Pesach asserts?

The purpose of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) raids is to improve,

immigration enforcement through … focused enforcement efforts that target the most dangerous illegal aliens, worksite enforcement initiatives that target employers who defy immigration law and reducing the pull of the “jobs magnet” that draws illegal workers across the border in search of employment.

(more…)

No. This is not a reference to Jewlicious writers above the age of 29 (ahem). OldJewsTellingJokes.com is the brainchild of one Sam Hoffman who got his father to gather twenty of his old Jewish friends who then related their favorite joke on camera. This undertaking is described as an homage to the Jewish art of storytelling:

Storytelling is a Jewish tradition. You’ve probably seen Fiddler on the Roof. Whenever they ask the Rabbi a question, he tugs thoughtfully on his beard and says “let me tell you a story.” Then they sing… Jokes are like stories, but shorter and funnier. Old jokes tend to have a stigma, but they only last if they’re good. Some of the best ones provide a window to the culture of a bygone era. They can reveal the concerns of a generation or even the generation before. Anxieties of coming to a new country, of prospering, of assimilating, of having families, of fearing and worrying about, well, everything. Humor was and is the ultimate anti-depressant.

So far the site has three jokes and the latest is my favorite – it’s about US Health Care, something that is already intrinsically ridiculous. Oh and it also involves oral sex. They have a new joke every Tuesday, so make sure to go back to OldJewsTellingJokes.com. Click for the video after the bump!

(more…)

Usually, I read something interesting, I make a comment and cite a relevant paragraph with a link to the story. Now however, words fail me. I can go on and on about barbarity and inhumanity, but what the fuck… I have no words in response to this article about the particular torture that was reserved for Israelis and Jews by the Mumbai terrorists:

“Bombay has a long history of terror. I have seen bodies of riot victims, gang war and previous terror attacks like bomb blasts. But this was entirely different. It was shocking and disturbing,” a doctor said… The other doctor, who had also conducted the post-mortem of the victims, said: “Of all the bodies, the Israeli victims bore the maximum torture marks. It was clear that they were killed on the 26th itself. It was obvious that they were tied up and tortured before they were killed. It was so bad that I do not want to go over the details even in my head again,” he said… Corroborating the doctors’ claims about torture was the information that the Intelligence Bureau had about the terror plan. “During his interrogation, Ajmal Kamal said they were specifically asked to target the foreigners, especially the Israelis,” an IB source said… It is also said that the Israeli hostages were killed on the first day as keeping them hostage for too long would have focused too much international attention. “They also might have feared the chances of Israeli security agencies taking over the operations at the Nariman House,” he reasoned.

I feel sick to my stomach.

That was the Barry Sisters singing Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head. In Yiddish. I got this and other pop culture/Jew culture fusions from the blog for the new book “And You Shall Know Us By The Train of Our Vinyl” – put out by Josh Kunn and, yes, almost inevitably, Roger Bennet:

Eight years ago, Roger Bennett and Josh Kun began an important journey, scouring the world to collect thousands of vinyl LPs from attics, garage sales, and dusty archives. Together, once-loved and now long-forgotten audio gems tell a vibrant tale: the story of Jews in America.

The blog is a collection of information and multimedia that does just that. Some of the results are spectacular – Chubby Checker’s re-recording of the Twist to the tune of Hava Nagilah, Lena Horne singing in Yiddish, Perry Como’s rendition of Kol Nidre etc. – other manifestations of this phenomena are bizarre – ie Hedva and David, an otherwise forgetabble 70’s era Israeli singing duo and their Japanese monster hit Naomi. Talk about cross cultural pollination – Shonen Knife have nothing on these people.

Now I love what these folks do. Roger’s been behind such groundbreaking and innovative works like Bar Mitzvah Disco, Camp Camp, Stereophonic Records, Reboot, Guilt and Pleasure and on and on… these manifestations of Judaism are, well, kinda corny. And maybe that’s the story of American Jewry – as Jews became more and more integrated into American culture, pop culture manifestations of Judaism reflected the overall Jewish community who had for the most part discraded the, you know, substance of Judaism in favor of the shmaltz. Now that the chickens have come to roost and contemporary Jewish culture has inevitably become bland and uninteresting – see the Forward 50 which is, except for one exception, as bland and uninspiring a list of Jews as I have ever seen – I think I am contemplating the uhm… end of the Jews as a force to be reckoned with in the US.

We’re quickly running out of money, our leadership is out of ideas and the next generation of leaders don’t care for the most part. There is one good thing though. Perhaps with the election of Barack Obama thanks in part to the strong support offered by the Jewish community, Black/Jewish musical collaborations can begin anew.

So when is the Kanye West Hanukka album coming out?

Sure the dude that invented basketball was Canadian, but there was a time when Jews dominated basketball the way they now dominate media and finance. And world governments. OK, I’m kidding about world Jew domination, but I’m not kidding about basketball. In fact, the first basket scored in the NBA was on November 1, 1946 by Ossie Schectman of the New York Knickerbockers against the Toronto Huskies. Schectman and his teammates Sonny Hertzberg, Stan Stutz, Hank Rosenstein, Ralph Kaplowitz, Jake Weber, and Leo “Ace” Gottlieb went on to win the opening game 68 – 66.

Now Jews traditionally have never been very athletic. But back in the early days of basketball, they verily dominated. Along with stickball, basketball was the game of choice for the little Jewish ragamuffins living in the tenements of the Lower East Side of New York and elsewhere in the US. The poor little yidden, first generation immigrant kids, freed from their shtetl yoke of religion, needed something to do with their spare time and for many, sports was their new religion.

New York Daily News sports editor Paul Gallico wrote in the mid 1930s that basketball “appeals to the Hebrew with his Oriental background [because] the game places a premium on an alert, scheming mind and flashy trickiness, artful dodging and general smartalecness.” We see how qualities such as cunning and wiliness were posited as the keys to Jewish basketball success and how these kinds of statements were indicative of early 20th century America.

So now comes this great new documentary called “The First Basket” which in discussing the origins of the game of basketball and the Jews in it, is in a sense, recreating the Jewish immigrant experience in America and is no less an exposé of modern Jewish identity than it is the story of some sweaty ball playing Jews.

You can read more about this documentary and watch some clips at their Web site www.thefirstbasket.com or you can watch the film at a theater near you. “The First Basket” will be playing at the following venues and times:

New York
Opens October 29, 2008 for 10 Days!
(Special Events will be announced over the next two weeks)
The Village East Cinema
181 -189 2nd Ave. New York, NY 10003
212-529-6799

Los Angeles
Opens November 14th!
Laemmle’s Music Hall in Beverly Hills
310-274-6869
Laemmle’s Town Center in Encino
818-981-9811 www.laemmle.com

Tuesday, November 11, 7:30 pm
The Skirball Cultural Center
Los Angeles, CA

Monday October 20th – 7:00pm
The San Francisco Jewish Film Festival and JCCSF
San Francisco, CA

Click here to see clips from the film and visit the Web site for updates and special events.

Yom Kippur is just one of those holidays… I know the hard ass secularists amongst you will not fast or attend services but for the rest of the Jews, it’s like the one day of the year that they deign to set foot in a synagogue. Synagogues have operating expenses and mindful of the increased demand at this time of the year, they tend to sell tickets for services. Expensive, sometimes hard to get tickets. Some find this offensive, but someone’s gotta pay the rent, you know? Besides, with a little planning, there are plenty of synagogues that offer free or affordable services – you just have to plan ahead – call your local Federation or Chabad House, search the Web, check out New York Blueprint, whatever. It’s there if you want it. For the rest of you who haven’t planned in advance and want to attend services at specific high profile synagogues, there’s only one choice – scalpers. But scalping, well, let’s just say it’s bad karma as demonstrated by these two videos, the first created as part of the 2008 24 hour LA Film Race, and the second a snippet from the Larry David Show. Bad Jews – you’ve been warned…

Golly. And I already bought the film for $1.99 on iTunes. Now I can watch it on my laptop and on my iPod. Up less than a week, the movie, which we featured at the first Jewlicious Festival, has already garnered over 200,000 views and over 2,400 comments. What is it about these crafty Jews that inspires so much… talk? Check it out. Good job Tiffany and Ken!

This short film was created to promote the 1st Annual Arab-American Comedy Festival and has been re-released in order to promote the 2nd Annual Arab-American Comedy Festival which will be taking place at the Ford Community & Performing Arts Center in Dearborn, Michigan on August 15th 2008. The film is 13 minutes long and you can get more info about the Festival at mizna.tv.

Why is this here? Well… it’s kind of funny – reminds me of my 1st generation immigrant family (we also had a living room no one was ever allowed to use), they use the same logo as Jewlicious and… it’s really so over the top! Look, we can all sit in a circle, sing Kumbaya and then I can tell you that this is really some sort of plea for better relations between our communities. Of course I’d like nothing more than for the Arabs and the Jews to live in peace and all that, but really? I put this up because it’s well shot, well acted, well scripted and? Totally retarded.

Why didn’t Israel choose the barn owl as its National Bird and other hilarious insights by The Colbert Report:

Hat tip to Beach Hillel blogger, Rachel Bookstein, who wrote:

MOT fans of the Colbert Report got a huge boost yesterday when Stephen Colbert reported on Israel’s newly designated National Bird the long-billed hoopoe, celebrated the kosher certification of giraffe meat by dancing a combo-Irish jig/ Horah and spilling the Mani.

In his own words, or those of his very funny (Jewish?) writers, L’Giraffem to you Stephen!

Let it be known that we have always known that giraffe was kosher Stephen, we just don’t know where to cut its throat. LOL.

Fund raising Bitches in the process of getting donored

I read Eli Valley’s latest post on Jewcy with some amusement, albeit said amusement being somewhat tempered by it’s reliance on a cavalier attitude regarding the safety of Israel’s citizens. In “The Holocaust Will Be Mass-Mailed,” Valley humorously chides the organized North American Jewish community for using fear as a fund raising technique. As one one commenter noted: “Eli isn’t denying that anti-Semitism is a concern. He’s attacking the cynical, self-serving use of hectoring fear tactics to solicit donations.” EstherK also noted that “Scare tactics like that aren’t effective methods of fundraising among members of a younger(your definition here) generation.”

All true of course, but the fact remains that when it comes to raising funds from Joseph and Judith Jew, these sorts of tried and true tactics are quite effective. Those little checks for $18 to $180 certainly do add up and mass mailings are profitable when attempting to glean a few extra shekels from the hoi polloi. But our organized Jewish community didn’t become the powerhouse that it is by being a one trick pony. The reliance on scare tactics for fund raising is patently ludicrous for the cosmopolitan and astute crowd over at Jewcy, but you’d be amazed how well another tactic works with an otherwise intelligent, sophisticated and well-moneyed, predominantly male target population: The tactic in question? Why, sex of course!

I first met Sarah (all names have been changed) at one of those tiresome Jewish community events in a large metropolitan city. Sarah was preparing for a presentation that she was going to be giving later that afternoon and she was, in every sense of the word, the picture of the consummate, poised professional. Later at the bar where we went to unwind, I was amazed to find out that she was merely 22 years old. After a few drinks we got to talking about her job. Sarah is a fund raiser for a major Jewish organization and she noted how amazed she was on her first day of work when she noticed that everyone in her department was female, under 25, hot and with an average double D cup size.

“But you look like, I don’t know, a C?” I asked. “Oh honey, I hide it well when necessary, and not so well also when necessary” she responded. As it turns out, most major Jewish organizations, especially those with offices in large North American cities and in Jerusalem, have a cadre of hotties who are used to solicit donations from wealthy single men. These generally include people who make their living on Wall Street, in law, real estate or in media – but in all cases the target is a minimum $10,000 contribution. The technique? Build a group of these guys – get them involved with the promise of networking opportunities with others in their profession and all that that entails career wise. Oh and there’s also the doing good for the Jewish people part. Don’t forget that. Very important. So very, very important. These guys are big into altruistic pursuits. Huge!

Soon you will have a group made up of high net worth individuals between the ages of 29 and 39, with the occasional recent divorcee in his late 40s and 50s out recapturing his wasted youth with the boys. These are called the donors. Get them together for small, exclusive events – a speaker from their industry, someone well known, nothing too Jewy. Afterwards you and your hottie fellow employees go out with the boys for a drink or two. They will inevitably get roaring drunk. They will inevitably make clumsy passes at you. It will be banal, embarrassing, boring and occasionally outrageous. However, if you can walk a fine line between leading them on while not putting out, soon huge checks will be raining upon you and you will have helped save the Jews from Hamas, Ahmadinejad, Nazis and the scourge of intermarriage or whatever.

Sarah tells me “Don’t feel too bad for these guys. They get a tax write off and they get to party like rock stars with hot babes. In New York if you make $300,000 a year, you’re still considered kind of pedestrian compared to what’s out there. They have fun, we help the Jews, everyone’s happy. Though it is kind of sleazy when you think about it.”

“How so?” I asked Sarah. “Well they’ve coined a term. You know how boys are. It’s called being donored – and it’s used when a donor nails a fund raising bitch.” “A what?” I asked? “A fund raising bitch. It’s what many of us call ourselves. But truth is, a donor getting lucky with one of us is a rare occurrence. I’ve never seen it happen even though we get propositioned all the time.”

Eli Valley’s mass mailings are effective lowest common denominator tactics. But there’s more than one way to skin a cat and our communal elders are FULL of tricks. Thanks for letting me share and do have an awesome Passover.

You have to check out Asl Al Yahud, a new project of the AJC (American Jewish Committee). Described by the AJC as “a unique resource on Jewish history, culture and religion,” it is the brainchild of Iraqi Jew Ephraim Gabbai. According to the Sun Herald:

“By providing basic information about Jewish culture and religious practices in Arabic, Asl Al-Yahud will help facilitate a deeper understanding and tolerance towards Jews,” said Yehudit Barsky, director of the Asl Al-Yahud project. “We’re demystifying Judaism and dispelling widespread misinformation about the Jewish people in the Middle East, North Africa, and beyond.”

Asl Al-Yahud which means the “origins of the Jews,” connects Jewish history, religion and culture to the long history of Jews in Arabic-speaking lands. Like any good Web 2.0 project, the site contains audio and video components as well as a section that allows visitors to ask questions about Judaism.

It is unclear what the impact of this site will be. Countries like Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates and Syria regularly filter their citizen’s Internet access, banning porn, human rights and religious Web sites by the hundreds of thousands, as well as otherwise innocuous sites like Flickr and Facebook. But still, I think this is a great idea – at least no one can ever say we didn’t try to reach out.

Speaking of which, check out Big Aish! The Haredi-run, Kiruv organization reproduced an ABC news hidden camera segment wherein a store clerk refused to sell an apple strudel to a Chador wearing Muslim American woman. He loudly berated her for being un-American in front of store patrons most of whom either stood by quietly or actively supported the clerk. Of course this was all a set up – both the clerk and the Muslim woman were in on it. Aish then asked: “Is indifference to hate the same thing as hate?” Some of the comments were patently retarded, likening all Muslims to Nazis (!), though I think most expressed outrage. One commenter cited the Chofetz Chaim on Shmirat HaLashon who said “that when you don’t stand up and say something it is as if you agree with the lashon hara being said.” Despite the retards though, Aish’s position is a refreshing one.

As long as we’re on the subject of lashon harah, no Dan, no one at Jewlicious wants to kill you. Sheesh.

Jerusalem has always held a special place in the hearts and minds of the Jews. Our daily liturgy is peppered with hopes and prayers for the well being of Jerusalem. We pray facing East, towards the Kotel, the ancient wall that once contained the First and Second Temples. Jerusalem, the City of Peace, considered holy by all 3 monotheistic faiths, has seen more than its fair share of tragedy and violence. Over the course of 2000 years it’s been conquered, plundered and occupied by everyone from the Romans, the Muslims, Crusaders, Ottomans and the British. Finally reunited and in the hands of the Jews, Jerusalem is now the undivided (for now at least) capital of the Jewish State. And yet, only recently has it started to possess the amenities of a real city – cafes, cultural institutions, a cosmopolitan air etc. In many ways, parts of the city, especially those populated by its rapidly growing ultra-Orthodox residents, are very provincial. Overcrowded and closed off to the outside world, these neighborhoods resemble the shtetls of old more than they do constituent parts of a world class city. Competing with Jerusalem for the hearts, minds and imaginations of the Jews is New York City. Possessed of a large population, a dizzying array of cultural and religious activities and free of the always imminent threat of disaster that seems to be part and parcel of daily life in Jerusalem, New York City seemingly offers the Jews anything they could possibly ask for – Knishes and Kosher Sushi, indie minyans and black hat Yeshivas, bagels and borekas. The current Mayor is a yid and while he’s kinda dour, compared to the current Haredi-approved Mayor of Jerusalem, he’s a veritable party animal. New York is so Jewish in fact, that even the non-Jews are practically Jewish.

So which city really is the center of the Jewish world, the ciudad de los Judios?

Jerusalem		New York City
Latest Buzz: According to the latest population statistics, Israel, for the first time in over 1000 years, has more Jews than any country in the world. Jewish population in Israel and its capital, Jerusalem, continues to grow while that of the rest of the world continues to shrink. Food: In Jerusalem you can now get Bagels, Pizza, Sushi, Chinese, Deli and Knishes. However, most of these aren’t very good. Jewish Life: While Jerusalem has many cultural amenities, much of these are of relatively recent provenance – most of the tourist sites and activities focus on the religious and historical elements of the city. Politics: Local politicians whore themselves out to special interest groups at the expense of the city’s wellbeing and diversity. Most famous mayor: Teddy Kolleck who presided over the reunification of Jerusalem and helped turn Jerusalem into a thriving modern Metropolis.		Latest Buzz: The New York Metropolitan Area is home to at least 2,051,000 Jews, representing 15.4% of the World’s Jewish population – this is nearly 4 times larger than Jerusalem’s 600,000 Jews. And according to Michael Steinhardt, US Jewish population is even higher. Food: In New York City you can now get Borekas, Falafel, Shwarma, Hummus and Shakshuka. However, most of these aren’t very good. Jewish Life: While New York has many religious amenities, the bulk of the Jewish residents studiously ignore them – most of the tourist sites and activities focus on the cultural and historical elements of the city. Politics: State politicians frequent whores who will provide them with special services at an exorbitant expense – financial, personal and professional. Most famous mayor: Rudolph Giulliani who presided over 9/11 and helped turn Manhattan into a thriving, whore-free Disneyland.

Now vote! You can only vote once as we’ve tracked your IP address and have placed a cookie on your computer. Of course you could delete all your cookies and change your IP address but that would make you a dick and God will punish you. I think I’ll keep this poll up for 7 days.

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Back in January, Y-Love discussed the issue of Jewish women in the Israeli town of Bet Shemesh taking the concept of modesty so seriously that they started wearing Islamic style burqas – a garment worn head to toe by Muslim women which covers every inch of their bodies. Of course this is a serious issue and merits thoughtful discussion, religious women are encouraged (to say the least) to dress modestly, but most people believe that this development is an affront, overkill if you will.

And then Purim rolled along and we got a treat: a funny Purim video that transcends the holiday! What does life in Beit Shemesh, Israel look like for Jewish women clad in burqas? Watch this hilarious video and find out!

All bow down to Jameel at the Muqata who blogged this first!